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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

1000 replies

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:18

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

OP posts:
OttersPool · 13/04/2007 18:20

quootiepie i think you need to be with someone right now

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:21

I do want help, but I dont want to put people out

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:22

well, there is no longer term. Get ADs, feel abit better and do what with my feeling betterness? I have picked myself up more times than I care to remember, the only thing that got me through the termination was DH and DS, DH has gone and I cannot care for DS. Full stop really

OP posts:
Ifonlyhewould · 13/04/2007 18:23

I really do hate to ask this and please don't think i'm being harsh but, are you hoping that all this is going to make DH sit up and listen. Will he come running if he thinks DS is going to be handed over to SS.
I am with Lou on this one and can't understand why you are so determined only to accept the help of SS. Do you really feel you have no alternatives? And once you have handed over DS what then? Do you think you will be able to cope then?

lou33 · 13/04/2007 18:23

i think it's up to the people who offer to decide that, but i guess noone can force you

good luck anyway

Blu · 13/04/2007 18:23

That's a really nice dinner you have made for DS.
Share it with him - you can't get through this on Slimfast! Goodness - you are dealing with a hell of a lot...none of us could do it without help, you know. or on 'pretend' food

Don't worry about putting anyone out.... why would anyone feel put upon?

Are the mental health team calling?

lou33 · 13/04/2007 18:24

i wonder how easy it will be to get him back if they do take him, and she changes her mind

Ifonlyhewould · 13/04/2007 18:25

Well if you have picked yourself up so many times then surely just one more time can't hurt
For DS sake if not your own. Please xx

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:26

SS have left him messeges, he knows they are taking DS. He doesn't care.

Sorry lou, I sound so rude I really dont mean to offend {{hugs}} x

SS is a long term option, not a quick fix kind of thing. It is the way it is going to go

OP posts:
Ifonlyhewould · 13/04/2007 18:26

Lou - my guess is it will be a nightmare! This is so sad.

Blu · 13/04/2007 18:26

I don't know anything about SS and emergency child care - but i am sure many people have been at crisis point and recovered, and that SS must know that.

littleducks · 13/04/2007 18:27

Well if all i had eaten was a blooming slim fast id been feeling like shit without everything your going through!

Now eat something decent before i send round pizza hut!!!

Blu · 13/04/2007 18:28

QP - c'mon, if your DS was love enough in your life to get you through a termination, he is love enough to give you something to get better for.

I know it's bad right now, but as you say, you have pulled yourself up before. With support, you can become stronger than you ever have before.

Can i be blunt? Are you feeling suicidal?

lou33 · 13/04/2007 18:28

actually i think you are not really understanding the repercussions of your actions, because you are so depressed you cant think logically

i have been there

you need to try coping with ad's in your system ,before you make any serious decisions

i just feel so sorry for your ds, he will wonder what he has done wrong to make his mum and his dad turn their backs, because at his age he wont understand it is more complicated than that

littleducks · 13/04/2007 18:29

And ds dinner sounds lovely, you could have given a pork pie and a fruit shoot so no sad faces!

Ifonlyhewould · 13/04/2007 18:29

QP you seem to have already made your mind up with regards to your little boy. You seem sure he is going to be better off in long term care. But then what? What about you? Are you hoping to pick yourself up again when your DS has gone?

OttersPool · 13/04/2007 18:30

cant believe ss will just take him without a mh team assesment...

Ifonlyhewould · 13/04/2007 18:30

I hope they don't

lou33 · 13/04/2007 18:30

me either

saffy202 · 13/04/2007 18:33

What about asking the Mental Health team if you can be admitted to the mother and child unit?
There you will have support in caring for ds and they will be able to sort out your medication and just let you have space to sort yourself out.

It just seems so final in saying 'take ds away' and it doesn't have to be.

OttersPool · 13/04/2007 18:35

good idea saffy

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:35

was a rubbish dinner, thats my point. Hardly a dinner at all I canot eat. ANd I can't pick myself up again, I always had hope before. No one has rung yet

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:36

yes blu

OP posts:
lou33 · 13/04/2007 18:36

sounded like a good dinner to me, made me want to have some!

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:37

sorry, hard to keep up. They were going to admit me before, but, whats the point really? WHat will it solve?

OP posts:
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