The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I'm currently watching ted talk 5 second rule. Just do what you feel. Be yourself. Don't over think

Aardvark I have done this too often I have tortured myself with overthinking it when the person probably has no clue they're in my head at all . Now if I want to message I'm no longer playing the "he's been on What's app and not replied so I can't send the thought that just came into my head" game. I'm just sending the message. He is either into me or he's not. I'm either into him or I'll end it and yes emotionally feel rubbish for a short period of time

I think you know it's right if you're not conscious of taking turns, although if a conversation reaches a certain intensity I do tend to back off for a while, which is about me needing space to think as anything

Very wise words Lana!

Hai dating thread :d Is there a newbies guide to OLD on MN? I'm gonna start getting my feet wet but have no clue where to begin. I've not been with any other man than my ExH whom I married when I was 21. We've been divorced 5 years but were still on/off until 1 year ago when he finally moved on and got a GF. I resisted the urge to try and follow suit, since I'm carrying some extra weight and just wasn't ready. I am ready now... although, I still have 2 stones left to lose. I thought, why not start practising now since it'll take me till Dec to lose the rest of the weight. I may not be able to attract what I imagine I could when I'm fit and sexy but at least I can build my confidence and get used to the whole thing.Oh ps: I'm 38 with 1 DS age 12. I scrub up pretty well and I'm a cheerful person. (Won't put that in my bio) Anyone give me any pointers? x

Hi Monicabling you can choose 'want to date but nothing serious' type choices on your OLD profile if you aren't sure if you are ready for a relationship or are not sure what you want.

No Smeaton; you just need to think of ways not to get too hooked up with it, and say what you mean when you mean it. Cut the rubbish and if your iron doesn't, ...next!

Ok Lana, will I attract people looking for flings like that though? My friend in the same boat is trying paid OLD. Some rather bizarre niches too, like Law of Attraction, men in uniforms and Sugar Daddies (don't ask). But she claims paid sites are better than free ones? I'm such a noob (not a tech noob, that's my job) but dating etc... I just don't even know where to begin in meeting men again, I've never been in the loop never mind getting back into it.

It sounds like a few coffee dates or a fling may be what you are after - just practice to decide what you want initially. It can be easy to fall for bullshit promises early on!

Coffee dates sounds good Lana OK, I'll try this! So what are your thoughts free vs paid? When I first split from exH, I tried POF just to test what was out there and got overwhelmed and deleted. So I kinda trusted my friend saying paid dating sites first. Do you agree or? x

Aso if you write 'looking for a relationship' but then date someone thinking straight away that it is practice, you'll get better after weight loss, it is a shame for them.

POF or free site, but use the search engine and be selective to look at profiles as they can see you have looked at them. Message ones that you like women can take the lead too Say in your profile what your main priorities, interests and preferences are. Then be selective again when you receive messages!

Paid dating sites generally aren't better - you get fewer young men randomly sending knobshots and asking if you're a milf, but a higher proportion of entitled men who think they deserve attention bedause they've paid for it, dammit.,

Try ok Cupid as another free site. It's generally more easygoing than pof and answering all the questions can help you understand more about what you're looking for

Right. Thinking I might post a profile tonight.

The iron at work is cold.
The mechanic I dunno - asked me out weds I had the kids. Desperate to get me out last night - babysitter offered but I was too exhausted. Weds was a date offer at 6pm! No deal anyway I want more romance than that.

I'm 38 in Devon what sites do you recommend?

Queen I recommend POF and I'm in SW. I agree with Bant OKCupid is ok too. I found that were lots of questions about sex though, where this catches me out is that I have a high drive but do not want that picked up on by men seeking that as their only main priority. Also I dated an iron from the site and we dtd early on and he said after "oh yes I remember you said you would dtd at date '3 to 5' on your profile". I pointed out that I have in the past walked away early in dating without sex, but it felt odd that my preferences were known and I couldn't retract it or add more information to my replies.

You can choose to skip questions about sex, of course

Bant as an honest male perspective if a woman skipped these questions what would you think? (I know it's not the whole male perspective on OLD but interested to know as example).

So, despite red flags, I went on the date with Mr Big Shoes. It was ok.
Felt like I was making the effort with conversation and if I wasn't asking him stuff then there was silence.
He also kept checking his phone which I found really quite rude.
He was a nice enough guy other than phone rudeness but I don't think we have a lot in common and I certainly didn't feel a spark or anything.
Still, first first date under my belt so that's a positive!

I'd think she didn't want to answer questions about sex.

Some may think that means prudishness or lack of sex drive, but in my opinion those are the ones who you'd probably prefer to avoid anyway.

Movingon sounds like you feel more confident through the experience, even though he didn't make an effort to be polite!

Bant that is what I would think if a man didn't answer those questions. Those questions put me going back onto OKCupid, but ignoring them would be a good alternative approach.

Movingon Mr big shoes sounds hard work Don't let it put you off. It's good for learning what you like and dislike, if nothing else.

Im looking forward to meeting Mr Buff tomorrow

Mr Nature is still hot prospect, although some doubts have started to creep in and we can't meet till next Weekend, so my enthusiasm is waning slightly. Plus I'm desperately trying not to OI.

Ex got in touch which is typical. Having to be strong because I was v certain of the reasons why we finished. I have a list to re-read. Even though he's lovely

Oh! And I got a message from a catfisher who I rumbled on my very first OLD try a few years ago. So I told him I had chatted with him before and would love a date He's slinked off, but added me as favourite

lana - you'd think a man was prudish?

I thinks there's probably a correlation between the people who are happy to answer lots of questions about sex in a public forum, and those who want to sext before meeting, or are just looking for sex. Not in all cases, possibly not even in many.

But I think people who answer more questions about sex than they do about other topics are more likely to be focused on sex straightway, rather than being interested in the other persons perspectives on things, leading to a relationship

Ok I will poke about on pof tonight and report back. I met a horrid narc on pof 3 years ago but he would have been exactly the same on match or tinder!

Well I ended spending time with Mr Online Chat who had seemed reluctant to meet - we had a thing with mutual friends, he offered to drive me and we had a long talk each way in the car. So not quite a meet-up in the conventional sense, but it was a long quite deep talk about quite intimate things as well as laughter, and when I left I felt all warm fuzzy as our interactions feel so warm and comfortable.

Although, no moves or anything (from either side) so now wonder if I am just in the friend zone. He said I'm one of his biggest sources of support so wonder if I've inadvertently become a Florence Nightengale as well?