The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I am a hour away from Mr Surf and it is tricky. I think once a week is fine to begin with but if things progress you will want to see them more, this is where it gets tricky as you either have to introduce them to your dc or risk drifting apart. I don't want to introduce anyone to my kids until I'm sure there's a possibility of it being a long tears relationship.

That's what I'm like as well. It would take a special someone for me to introduce them to my son. We used to meet half way the odd night but it's not the same as spending time together at home x

Bant - yep and the gut says no it at least don't waste your time!

It's also because exp dies t have any friends and I should have heeded that.

Mr truck just rang me - seems normal and is off to a street party this afternoon with friends and their kids who he gets on well with - like a normal person!

LM if Mr Surf stopped contacting you would you be upset?

I've been seeing Mr Cook for a month too,, see each other 3x a week and planning on staying over each other's houses. Talking about how and when we will introduce DCs. It just sounds like things with Mr Surf are really hard work a fair amount of the time.

Queen that sounds good, an opportunity to grab a normal person go for it.

Flower I think you need at least 2x a week to develop a relationship and 3x when it's 'running'. I don't know beyond this as I tend to stall at 1-2 months!

Bant how are things going for you?

Pringle where are you?

Things are good. I'm seeing MissTattoo again tomorrow when we're both free, which will be 9 dates in about 3 weeks..

I like her. She's funny and clever and amazing in bed. She's quiet in person though, so it seems like I'm doing a lot of talking to fill the silences. But I'm not sure if that's my issue (expecting someone to talk more) or hers.

Some silences are comfortable, some are slightly awkward.

I don't know if this is a forever thing, it's early days, but I'm seeing how we go

Bant that all sounds good, apart from the silences. When the silences feel awkwatd have you tried just holding hands and relaxing. Just wondering if you are overthinking and she's just feeling relaxed!

I should add I think Mr Cook fills our relaxed silences when sometimes he doesn't need to. Says things like "I love relaxing with you", whilst I'm enjoying a quiet cuddle or hand hold.

Lana I keep telling myself that I wouldn't be upset if he didn't text back/disappeared but I think I would be a little but mainly because I'm no good with rejection. I think I need to work on growing a thicker skin. He has a habit of messaging me and then disappearing for a few hours before messaging back. He messaged me earlier, I messaged him back and he hasn't been online since so nothing back. He messages every day but it usually only a couple messages because he takes so long to reply.

Determined not to message my iron whilst he's on holiday (especially because my last message about letting me know when he was free wasn't replied to) but of course he then went and sent me messages first! I find him quite difficult to read because sometimes he's on it with replying and sometimes doesn't reply at all but I have to think that he's busy with work and might just forget to reply!
Gaaaah it's driving me insane hopefully we will manage to organise another date after two have been rescheduled, if he's still messaging I guess he's still interested.

I know that if this does go anywhere it definitely won't be a seeing each other 2 x a week thing as we live far apart and he works odd shifts but I think I'd be ok, I guess you just see!

Bant and lana I'm glad things are going well for you both :)

No new irons for me... Still messaged Mt california (who I met in rl) even though he's in, well.. California.. 8hrs time difference but we're still catching up & getting to know each other. He's talking as tho it given we'll meet up after he's home, I'm certainly warming to the idea after my lasted to set disaster. There's a lot to be said for already knowing you fancy someone!

LanaDReye On holiday, that's where.

After a string of ultimately disappointing irons, I've abandoned them all and gone back to the drawing board. Having a long weekend to enjoy some me time and to rebalance...

If I spot a hot French man over here, I may be dragging him back to England.

This is the 2nd time this has happened to me. Had a nice date, theyve said theyve enjoyed themselves then their contact just dies out.. i dont understand. I play it cool ect.

Vodkalovesme I've had a few of those. I think sometimes you can genuinely have a nice date with someone and not want to take it further. Either you don't feel that spark, or you start talking to someone who ticks even more boxes. You could probably become friends, but given both of you are actively trying to find a date, do you really have time for another friend? So it trails off. I don't think it's any reflection on you - the fact that they had a nice time proves you are good company; you just need to meet someone who clicks with you more.

But the sad thing is i am starting to feel its a reflection on me. Even during my date the other night he mentioned about seeing me again next week. But since the date ive barly had a few messages. This generally wouldnt bother me if he was like that before the date but he messaged quite regular

I haven't posted in a week or so but have been loitering.

I am having trouble with someone, Mr RL, who is blowing hot and cold a bit. How many chances should you give if they are otherwise busy etc and may have a reasonable excuse?

Lots of messages and lovely online conversations and two meet ups last week, largely initiated by him. Then he said no to a suggestion by me to do something on Thursday night, and I messaged him on Friday and he took hours and hours to respond with a two word response.

I still see him socially regularly so NC isn't an option, but I am struggling with stepping back. I've tried before as this seems to be a cycle than runs a few weeks - frequent contact, then a step back, then again. The step backs though are always coinciding with him being very busy or stressed or the like - there is always a "reason".

I'm not quite sure what to do now but find myself a little too invested. Any tips for how best to step back with dignity? It's hard isn't it.

Yellow just ignore him! God he's rude and dismissive and no reflection of you!

Thanks Smeaton and Queen. That's the reality check I need!

When things are good I need to remember how shit it feels when they aren't

I agree with Smeaton. What's the point of trying for a relationship with someone who you know isn't available when you need him to be?

Things don't generally get better than at the early stages of something. He'd still be stressed and standoffish, he'd still be very busy and ignore you - even when you thought you were in a relationship.

So step back. If you wanted to wait for him to do the running, be aware that now he should have to run twice as hard to make up for his lack of interest in the past - but if I were you I'd just ignore. Not impolitely as you may have interactions in real life, but just accept that he's not going to be what you need in future, ignore him and move on.

Yellow Smeaton and Bant are right. I'm fed up of men being like this ( I'm sure women do it too ). It's been almost 24 hours with Mr Surf not responding to my last text, he hasn't even read it and according to whatsapp he hasn't been online. Unless he has lost his phone there really is no excuse for not messaging. If I hear nothing by the end of today it will be pretty obvious that I have been ghoasted. I'm going to take a break from OLD for the summer, concentrate on being in a happy place for my dc's and maybe give it another shot in September.

Mr Couriers disappeared on me again so that's my child free day wasted today
I've blocked him, deleted him. I'm done, I'm fed up with being messed around

Thanks Bant and Love.

I think I am going to copy and paste this reality check somewhere else for me to refer back to when I find myself wavering. When the focus of attention, it's hard to imagine feeling at all insecure. But that almost makes it feel worse when the next inevitable pullback happens.

As we talked daily it will be very very hard though. But ... it has to start today!

Hello everyone, I messaged a while back just to say hi and that I was a lurker on this thread. I have loved following everyone's stories, I haven't commented as I don't feel qualified to give any advice seeing as I have never been on a date in my entire life!
I was finally brave enough to put a profile up on pof last night but now I am doubting myself as I can't find anyone I would like to chat to. I'm also thinking that my profile might not be attractive enough - I have asd so I don't tend to write in a fun and friendly way, it tends to be quite factual (I am high functioning so as far as I am aware people don't notice any traits when we meet, it affects me more than the people I meet).
So on the match thing I have had a lot of 'yes' but then nobody messages. I have had a few messages but nobody I would be interested in chatting to.
Do you think it might be my profile or am I just expecting too much too soon? I've just read posts on here where people are talking to lots of irons and I haven't even found one to have an initial conversation with.
Sorry that was longer than I expected it to be!

I'm sure your profile is fine elm give it a few days and see how things go, you can always tweak it a little. I find weekends are usually quiet on POF so I rarely get messages on Friday and Saturdays, people tend to be busy, I find week nights are when I get messages.

Thanks love music, patience isn't my strong point!