The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I definitely want to get married again and have children (although I'm conscious it may be too late for me now age wise) but only if someone amazing comes along. Definitely never again with someone who was violent or uncommunicative. I put my desire to have a family above paying attention to the red flags with my ex.

I think I really like Mr Local but as he doesn't seem that keen I don't see the point in initiating some heavy 'are we exclusive, it's odd that your ex still has a key, are those women's shoes in your lounge, why can't we DTD in your bedroom' etc conversation at this point.

If he asks about us only dating each other I'd be really up for it but only after he answers those questions! Otherwise I'm trying not to OI and just enjoying chatting to Mr Burger ahead of our date this Friday.

Hi Lana I think I'm similar to you. I am pretty clear that I won't remarry and will never live with a man again. I don't want to ever feel trapped again like I did in my marriage, and I don't want the complications of a blended family.

I would love a long-term partner who I would feel comfortable introducing to my friends and DC but I'm pessimistic about the chances so far of finding anyone!

Jellybean i have no idea if the CT scan was real or just an excuse but i've learnt from experience and i'm not dealing with flakey or unreliable behaviour from the beginning, its never a good sign. Good luck on your date with Mr Gardener tonight.

Jonsnowsghost i say stick at it. I know its annoying and painful but you just never know who might pop up and where it could lead. Bant is proof of that

Thanks dravensangel. Sorry to hear Mr Motor was too full on, that would put me off too if someone wanted to DTD on the second date, makes me think they are clearly just looking for one thing. Nothing wrong with wanting a bit of romance.

anothernew i don't think you are looking for problems, we are all a bit cautious at the beginning. Enjoy seeing Mr Bike and see where it goes. Nice that you've found someone you really like though.

minop glad the date went well and you have a second under your belt.

I caved in and had a date with Mr Roadkill last night, I don't know why as i know he isn't right for me but I just really fancy him. It wasn't great as he just kept going off on one about random things like jehovah's witnesses and security cameras watching people and people killing trees. Was all very intense and a bit negative so I said i just thought we were quite different people and we seem to enjoy different things in life and he seems a bit stressed out and he said he thinks he has issues from his childhood and his anger comes out in other ways. We had a really nice kiss in his car and even though a spark is there personalitywise its just too full on for me

Lana - I know I never want to be married again or even financially tied to someone else, the messiness of divorce has put me off those things forever. But I am 50 with no major debts so am probably more prepared and able to be financially independent than someone 20 years younger with a mortgage.

I guess what I'm looking for is a kind of long term exclusive dating kind of relationship, like nearly someone I could introduce to family & friends but also someone who had their own life and was happy for me to have mine.

I have been told by a good friend though that I have Cinderella syndrome and what I'm looking for is a fairy tale - but I'm a great believer in self fulfilling prophecies so unless I believe it's 100% possible, it won't be!

Yeah you're right I should carry on... I'm going to see how this goes as I do like him (I guess the long waits between dates sets me up for the whole LDR thing ) and see if we can meet up after his holiday. It's difficult this time of year as most people already have summer holiday plans etc and especially with his job being so sport orientated, summer is sports! I don't mind though as I'm not that desperate for a relationship.
I'm enjoying chatting with him, we talk every day - some days for a few hours and some days just one or two messages, it's hard not to get over invested!

I have to say that I am a little jealous of everyone getting dates, especially @bant - well done!

I'm with you JellyBean - It is possible - I have been seeing someone for nearly 2 years now. We each have our own homes, no financial ties (although he does pay £200 into one of my accounts every month for food). We live about half an hour from one another and he comes to mine 3 times a week and I go to his once a week. We go on holidays, mainly paid for by him, as he loves holidays and I cannot afford so many as I am doing up my house. It works well for both of us, and even if we last for the next 20 years, I cannot see either of us changing our minds. I love having at least 3 days/nights to myself - bliss.

BTW we met online!

i dont think i could handle living with a partner again. im only mid 20s but have already had two 4 year long relationships

id like someone who is good company, fun to be with, to go for walks or nights on sofa, weekends away, good sex, a nice connection but not "the one" really. i dont want to the whole family thing, living together etc. its too stressful. i want no drama after my last relationship.

I feel much more normal as what I'm looking for LTR rather than moving in and 2nd marriage is in line with what most of you say too. I wondered if I was odd not being keen to remarry! I can understand that it may be good if you're younger or feel more strongly about it .

Jellybean I hope to have my mortgage paid off within 15 years and helped my DCs with University or getting jobs. So aiming for your position in the future. It's the visualisation of the LTR that I have found harder love the idea though .

ValMc your set-up of having someone over for a few days a week sounds ideal to me. I think I will visualise that with Mr Cook.

LanaDReye - having been married twice (1st time 20 years, second time 16 years), I am not doing it again. It cost me a lot of money last time. I'm 60 in a couple of weeks time, and these past 2 years are the first time I have ever lived on my own - I love it. As I said, I met my current partner on line, and I met my 2nd husband through the fore-runner of online dating - a newspaper ad!

ValMc your relationship sounds ideal, that's exactly the sort of thing I'm hoping for. After 2 long marriages, you deserve something stress free & fun and it sounds like you've found it.

I will continue to believe it can happen for me as well

Is okcupid free?

ValMc that sounds like a good setup.
TBH I don't even really like spending the whole night with a man now. I'd rather they went home and left me to sleep in peace!

Hi all, I'm wondering whether to kind of dip my toe in the dating water again. As per a thread I started I've kind of given up looking. Are there any dating sites \apps where I can just put up a profile and see if anyone messages me ( as opposed to me looking at any profiles)?

@earthangel thank you! Was beginning to wonder if it was just me that felt like that, it did put me off! In fact think it put me off dating altogether!

Nearlyfree breakfast in bed now and then can be lovely though can't it? but if I met a snorer I would want to forgo breakfast and not have him stay overnight .

FindingJessica I think you can do that with most sites, but you won't show as 'recently online' unless you regularly log in.

I really do want the whole marriage and settled down with more children. Hope I'm not too blinkered this time around as I definitely put my desire for the perfect life (husband and children) before major red flags, well in my defence the red flags only came out post wedding.
Have a date on Saturday (our fourth) and we seem to have a spark, looking forward to it!

DD and Coffeeandchoc sounds like you're in a similar position. I hope that OLD does lead to marriage and DCs for you or RL opportunities arise .

ValMc your set up seems perfect for me too. I'm not sure if I ever want to live with anyone again but I definitely don't want a blended family and I have 5 more years before DC2 will be through school.

Fired up by bant's dating success story I've taken myself back to OKC and forced myself to trawl through a number of profiles using the double take feature which has resulted in messages from 3 possible new irons - one of whom says that I sound like his ideal woman so that sounds promising - or maybe too intense?

Just had a message from a 4th man on OKC to say that he was a UKIPer so no point in messaging each other. I had forgotten that I'd stipulated no UKIPers in my profile - oops! He sounded really offended but it's probably for the best as we definitely wouldn't get on!

Sorry to report yet another dating disaster.. Well maybe not disaster but I feel slightly catfished... Mr Gardener looked nothing like his picture at all.... Completely different build and everything.

We were both driving so it was a quick drink only... No messages since which I'm a bit relieved by tbh

I went out anyway with a friend and am slightly tipsy now, dreaming of a valmc type situation in my future

JellyBean - that made me laugh. I am not sure if my reluctance to live with anyone is down to me or to my partner. We have very different views on the world, and we certainly have very heated arguments - but because we do not live together we can walk away from it and calm down. I feel that we are both in control of our relationship - if one of us doesn't feel like seeing the other, it is fine. I did make my feelings about our relationship very clear from the start - what I don't know is if I was with someone else would I be prepared to commit more. I may never find out the answer to that one but for now we are happy. Don't want to rub salt in the wound but he is also very good at DIY and has done a lot of work in my house for me. Mind you, I have revamped his garden for him. He has no children and I have 2, and I have 3 grandchildren - the elder 2 knew my 2nd husband as granddad but they refer to my partner by his name. The younger one doesn't remember my 2nd husband but he does call my partner by his name also.

Well my head is now completely mushed! After disaster with Mr Motor, I had a date with Mr IT last night, which was OK, but just kept thinking you are OK but you are not Mr Motor! What is that all about! Now can't stop thinking about Mr Motor, don't know what to do. Mr IT wants second date. I want to message Mr Motor! Any advice anyone!! Or should I just give up OLD altogether!!

Hello! Can I join you lovely people please? Currently in the middle of a divorce, no DC. Feel like I want to get back out there, been on a couple of dates. Ghosted by one and then the other agreed there was no spark- phew! Have another date lined up for Saturday I've only tried Tinder so far, wary of POF as I know my ex husband is on there, that would be awkward but might sign up in a couple of months. Tinder is hit and miss, lots of matches but no one seems to actually talk?! Started chatting to a nice guy last night and then this morning he's just vanished, so frustrating!
Anyway hello to everyone, never expected I'd be dating again but hey ho!