The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Hello everyone. Well I had date 5 with Mr Local on Saturday night. Lovely time. Stayed at his and spent all of Sunday together in his garden or watching tv with a take away.

Pretty happy except still no idea if we are dating just each other or still seeing other people. Few red flags as well. There were women's shoes in his house and he insisted we sleep in the spare room and not his room claiming the bed was better......

I'm still messaging one other guy (Mr. Burger) but not replying to the others now as i really like Mr Local. Have a date with Mr Burger this Friday coming.

Feels ok though as I'm not sure I'm ready to throw all my energy into one person at the moment. I have a holiday coming up with a friend in two weeks so I might feel differently once I get back.

Divorce is find the shoes and other bed thing really weird 😬 any other signs of another women? Did you raise it with him?

I'm on a 1st date tonight with a guy I've been talking to for just over a week and for the first time in a while I'm excited about going on a date!!! Which I think is a good sign, I feel very positive about this one however keeping check of my expectations.
Might need to crawl in the OI corner with a bottle of wine at any point 😂

It's a bit weird isn't it. His Mum has been there all week so I figured that could be it. No I didn't go in his room. I'm kind of ambivalent about it (or anything) getting super serious so didn't want to jump into a conversation about it. If he wants to talk about just dating each other or anything then I will flag it up with him but until then I'm ok with it.

NearlyFree17 will you be going on a second date with Mr Muddy or Mr Engineer?

Dravensangel did your date with Mr Motor materialise?

anothernew is there any chance the picture of Mr Bike that was on fb was an old picture but just posted 2/3 months ago? What is your gut instinct saying about the situation?

Divorcedating it sounds odd about the woman’s shoes and the spare bed thing, did he let you see inside his room at all? Is it the first time you have been round his house?

LanaDR its great that you and Mr Cook can talk stuff through. Another sign that he is a keeper.

Esk1mo did you hear back from Mr Gym to rearrange your date in the end?

Minop good luck tonight, its nice to feel excited. Let us know how you get on.

I had a disappointing weekend date wise. Mr Music didn’t respond to my message Saturday am asking if he was still ok to meet up on Saturday so I waited til 7pm and sent him another one saying I found it rude that he he hadn’t replied. He then told me he had been in a mountainbike accident and was in hospital having a CT scan. Yet he responded 1 min after I sent my message. Just sounded iffy to me and I’d seen him online before that! I told him I hope he was ok but I didn’t want to meet up another time or hear from him again and he said he had been busy moving furniture into his flat and there was crossed wires. He must think i'm a complete fool. Then Mr Blue eyes couldn’t come see me on Sunday as he dropped his DCs back very late. Hoping this week proves move successful.

earthangel so was the CT scan true? or did he say he was actually moving furniture instead?

yes we went for dinner last night, he was nervous which was very endearing he asked to meet on tuesday for drinks, although i havent heard from him since we said our goodbyes. i do rather like him though, must not OI...

does anyone have any idea whats normal when it comes to mentioning ex partners? my date mentioned his ex after i asked about previous partners. he didnt rattle on but from what he did say he really liked her and she hurt him. i dont want to get involved if someone is still emotionally attached to an ex.

No idea if it was true but he just sounded very lax about it all and he had from 9am-7pm to contact me to say if it was on or off. You only get one chance to make a first impression. Just seems odd to say you had an accident and then say you've got a lot going on right now and been busy moving furniture! His contact before that was pretty sporadic.

I don't think you should be worried that Mr Gym said an ex hurt him if anything it hopefully means because he knows what its like to be hurt he is less likely to want to hurt someone else (i.e. you). if he was still in touch with her and talking about her all the time then that might be a red flag but i'm not seeing one from what you've mentioned. He seems keen to want to see you again so soon. Excited for you esk1mo.

earthangel Surely if the CT scan was from an accident he'd just had it means it was quite a serious accident. If it'd from a historic accident then he'd have known he had the appointment coming up. I guess it's all academic as you've decided not to keep in contact anyway - but very annoying and very rude

Divorce - years ago in my youth I went back to a guys house and there were a pair of ladies slippers, he swore he was single - he wasn't. Footwear is just not the kind of stuff you'd leave in someone's house if you'd only been there as a guest. That coupled with the not going in his bedroom (and my previous experience) would raise huge suspicions with me.

BTW my experience was almost 30 yrs ago - the guy still lives local to my sister and is still referred to as "fluffy slippers"

An old iron popped up for me at the weekend, Mr Gardner. I had deleted him after I got a bit of a needy text after the conversation dropped of a bit to be fair I was messaging several guys at the time. Anyway, he seems a bit more laid back this time and we have a date arranged for tomorrow.

sigh tomorrow's date with my 1 iron has been postponed, he's got a valid reason but it's still disappointing. He's off on holiday for a few days so it'll probably have to be when he's back.
Not really interested in any other dates and if this ends up not working out I'll probably not go back to OLD for a while (I deleted my tinder app anyway as it was really buggy and would not let me log in for days at a time).

I'm only 29 and thinking I'm going to be single forever!

... the bed was better in the spare room? ...

Why would someone have a better bed in the spare room rather than their own? And the shoes? That man is the mayor of red-flagsville.

I had dates 4 and 5 at the weekend. Date 6 today, for lunch. Date 7 tomorrow. Date 8 later this week..

It appears I'm actually seeing someone..

Need to keep up with the thread!

My irons are cold I think.

This is all from tinder;

Mr bomb disposal - weird and monosyllabic - too similar to ex. Wants to meet up but I'm
Not sure. V attractive though.

Mr Boat Man: keeps asking for a photo without any make up on - what's that about?

Mr MH - recovered from a big mh blip - v honest v attractive get on really well. Told him he's not ready to date but I still
Want to be friends - he said ok. Need to not get involved argh!!! He is lovely though

@earthangel that does sounds very iffy and a bit peculiar, think you may be better of out of that one! I am sending you good hopes for this week. Date 2 with Mr Motor was a disaster sadly, he wanted to DTD, I wasn't feeling it, is it wrong to want to get to know someone more before you DTD and actually be romanced a bit? Maybe it's me, I'm old! Would be interested to hear @bant's take on that! So glad to hear yours is going so well!

@jonsnowsghost, I am right where you are, except I am a lot older! I think I may knock it on the head for a bit, feel quite cross about yesterday's date. IMO think you should keep OLD for about, for one thing you have more energy than me! I try very hard not to be put off but it does get harder and harder! Keep the faith!!

Bant that's brilliant that it's going so well! Also impressed with the speed at which it's moving, only a few weeks ago you were seeming quite jaded about OLD. Maybe there is hope for us all.

I don't have any irons really at the moment since I told MrTeacher who I started dating in mid-May, albeit not very seriously, that I didn't see any romantic potential. This was after he demonstrated some very aggressive behaviour towards a motorist who nearly failed to stop on a crossing. However I said I would still see him as a friend and I actually do miss him despite our being incompatible on so many levels so it would be easy to get sucked back into a relationship with him.

I just had a message from someone on OKC who is upfront about being married and wanting an affair, because "life is too short to be unhappy and no one will get hurt"! I've had messages before where I suspected someone of being married because they had no photo and some ridiculous reason for its absence but this is the first time someone has been so blatant. I don't know whether to ignore them or to tell them the story of how my ex thought that no one would find out about his affair and now my DS1 has refused contact with his Dad for more than 2 years after he found out, leaving me to deal with the fallout.

Earth tbh I think I'm just looking for problems aren't I The only issue was that it didn't seem to add up to what he's told me, but actually, it's a bit of a non issue, so I should just chill and let it unfold. I Really like him. And have a good feeling about him (when I'm not in doom mongering mode). And he's given me no reason to think he's not ready for me

Also, Mr Music sounds a bit like Mr Buff. I told him not to bother; he was coming across as a bit flakey and time waster-ing. I never heard from him again I really hope this is a good week for you.

Good luck Minop! & jelly for tomorrow!

Lana I'm v excited for you

User you'll know when you're ready. Plus, you can always block them if it goes bad

Movingon I'm v proud of you. Well done for stating your case. Communication is so important. I'm looking forward to positive update I'm a (proud?) over investor. Get yourself busy doing nice things for you. Get engrossed in a good book, or a bath, or tv/film, walk, cycle etc. Enjoy the time you're away from him, and hopefully it'll take your mind off the waiting, and you'll be happier/more relaxed when you do talk x

Love have an awesome holiday

monkey good luck

Ooooh Divorce the combination of shoes and spare room would stress me out I think I'd have to know before I saw him again. But then again, I don't ask enough questions.

Bant Waaaahhhhh! Wonderful news! (Please don't leave us though )

Dravens I'd be interested in male perspective too...

Urghhh just I don't know. I think I'd want to tell him too. But you won't change him. So probably not worth wasting your energy. In the nicest possible way. Maybe try a new site?

drraven - no of course that's not wrong. Men and women are different though, in that if we find a woman even vaguely attractive we'll want to have sex with her, even if she's not at all interesting or likeable.

Often we'll do that, then immediately once the libido-goggles are off, we lose interest as there's nothing particularly compelling there anymore..

justme - yeah, I was jaded. It's hard to put the effort in, doing almost all of the initial messaging, chatting and finding out if someone is interesting and not obviously bitter and can spell, then meeting them and realising the spark just isn't there. So back to the grindstone..

This one was a surprise. just popped up, I messaged her, she made me laugh a lot immediately. She's.. nice. Funny. Weird. Different.

It's very early yet, but yeah, I'm glad I messaged her.

Good on you Bant

Are you sure the ladies shoes weren't his?

I stayed away from my phone for the rest of the day and the evening too, was rather liberating!
Woke up this morning to a message from mr Courier asking if my fingers had stopped working because I hadn't messaged him!
It definitely did me good physically being away from my phone and I feel more balanced now.
His work is stupid busy this week but all being well we're meeting up on Sunday as both are kid free

My date was very nice, we met at the restaurant and he was very nervous but tried not to show it.
We had good conversations and great banta. It was like been sat with a friend that I quite fancied.
He paid and I thanked him and said I would next time, walked me to my car, had a little kiss and off home we went.
He text within half an hour thanking me for a good date and he would very much like to do a second. 👍😃
That's now been organised for Friday day

so happy for you minop

i cant imagine where my first kiss with MrGym will be, im not sure about kissing outside is that what happens with most people?

I was wondering this too. Had 3 dates now, there's a spark and felt like we were about to kiss but as it's been in public it's felt not quite right. I'm quite shy which doesn't help.

@bant thank you for your perspective. Been out the game too long, it's a struggle to know these things! I'm really glad your dates are working out for you.

Great to hear some good news

Bant that sounds like you've really clicked, lucky you!

Minop good luck for your second date

Divorcedating the spare room thing sounds dodgy as hell, sorry :(

I have a second date with Mr Engineer on Thursday - after-work drinks.
MrMuddy also seems keen for a third date. I've got the kids with me continuously until mid August so its going to be a little tricky to fit him in, so to speak..

It's really good to hear about all the dating going on. Doesn't sound like as much ghosting as before, but the spare bedroom thing does sound odd. I would have snooped looked around in the bedroom if possible in case he had something weird in there torture weapons, his women's clothes, his mum

.DD it sounds as though you are 50:50 anyhow so prob not OI too much?

I am curious, does everyone know what they want in the long-term from dating?
For instance, I know that I want a committed LTR, but highly unlikely to remarry. I don't know about any of the 'stuff' in between dating and LTR. The thought of living with someone else, besides DCs, seems v odd, plus I would lose working family tax credit. I'm over thinking this now aren't I? 😂