The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

another I have been observing couples (sad times know) and have noticed that fit slim men do not generally go for fit slim females, tall people often date really short people and so on. As a slim female I don't automatically find fit men atractive, in fact I usually stay away from them as I would prefer to be the fit one and them to be slightly less fit, I wouldn't date someone who is obese as generally they don't fit in with my active life style but I don't mind someone who's carrying a little extra weight, it's quite nice to have something to cuddle up to.
I'm glad your date went well, you need to think more of yourself, you are the prize xx

Well after 4 1st dates on the last couple of months ive decided i just cant do OLD. I had another date lined up for tonight and i ended up canceling. As soon as a date is arranged i absolutly dread it. Surley im supposed to be excited even a little nervous but not to the extent how much i am. I dont feel confident, my exp knocked every bit of confidance i had with his vicious insults after he left me. Im trying to build it back up.. gym ect ect. Maybe i need to take a few months out. I want to meet someone naturally but it never happens

It is tough, vodka, but it means you're over investing each time.

Most first dates are 'failures'. There's no chemistry, no spark, they may smell a bit. They may smell wonderful but are rude to the barman. They may freak you out in some way. Or, more likely, they don't smell bad or wonderful, they're nice to chat to and it's a shame that you don't fancy each other, nevermind, NEXT!

You don't have to be confident in the sense of being Wonder Woman. You just have to be you. You're not trying to win them, or, to be fair, them trying to win you.

You're just meeting someone to see if you get on. You probably will, but won't fancy them

Don't overinvest and you'll be less nervous. It's a night away from the tv, with the possibility of something great. But it's unlikely to be that great thing, especially if you're stressing about it.

Re the tastes - a guy has already rejected me after I posted a full length photo! I'm 5'4 and a size 6-8 so can only assume I'm too skinny! He was really hot but does same job as my exh so they likely know each other and that would just be dull.

Yeah i suppose never looked at it thay way. Maybe i have been over investing and not realised it. The first couple of 1sr dates i was a little excited but the more failed dates the more i dreaded them. And now its put me off completly! Maybe im my own worst enemy!

I was going to put a full length pic of myself, im 5ft8 and a 16. Feel like im too fat! Its embaressing and im wanting to loose weight

Bant you are so wise! Your insights help a lot.

vodka I am the same, I get really anxious before a first date, I try and tell my self that all will be ok, just meeting for a drink, probably won't get a 2nd date. I have been on quite a few dates and each time it gets harder, usually because they feel a spark and I don't or they are just totally not my type and nothing like their photo.

Date 2 with Mr Surf is going ahead tomorrow and he wants to come to my house and then take me out for lunch. I'm not over investing in him at all, my hopes are not high due to how things have gone so far and the fact I have waited so long for date 2 (mainly due to me being busy and him working away). I have had a few new messages on POF for potential irons if things don't go well tomorrow and I'm off on holiday next week which will take my mind off OLD for a few days.

Love that Bant. I got myself in a right pickle getting ready for date last night. Flapping about what to wear. To make a good first impression. In the end I put on my comfy but smart jeans and a normal vest top and went as me. This thread is fab for reminding me of these things!

I'm 5'6 size 14, curvy/strong ish body type. Have never had a thigh gap So I will put up a full length pic. The fact that I hadn't meant I had that concerns about his expectations in back of my mind. Now I've written that I realise it's ridiculous. They'll either like me or they won't. No amount of details or pics can give you a full idea of what someone is like in person.

He said I didn't look like my pics (I do, but maybe I didn't look like myself last night 😂) Which got me quite defensive. And got me thinking he was disappointed. And didn't help my nerves. And put me off a bit. Then I forgot I was supposed to be interviewing him, and I kind of ended up a proper wobbly old mess

I have date 4 tonight with... I can't remember her iron name. The one who went quiet for a bit.

She's much quieter in person than via whatsapp. I'm still wondering if she'll come out of her shell in person at some point.

I'm taking things very slowly though. No rush. She's nice to spend time with and we've kissed a few times but not much more than that.

Tonight, dinner and drinks and a walk by the river.

Good luck @Bant. I'm a quiet person and you could be describing me. Stick with it - some people take a little while to come out of their shell and you there might be things in her past that make her that way.

Wish me luck people, I have a second date tonight. I'm pessimistic whether it will actually go ahead as I've had so many ghostings recently.
If not, I have another iron that I am trying to arrange a first date with this w/end.

Would be interested to know if it is ever worth going back to Tinder matches from a few weeks ago to try and restart a conversation? or should I just try and find new matches. What do people think?

Good luck @NearlyFree17. I'm ghosting my date for tonight (bad me) as the WhatsApp chat went gross and I don't think I want to waste a Friday night with him. He's really young and started texting crude dirty things so I can't be bothered with him now.

5th date with Mr Local tomorrow night and 1st date with Mr Massage on Sunday. Spoke on the phone to Mr Burger last night for the first time and we are going out next Friday but I almost with I was seeing him tonight. He appeared to be a real charmer and playboy on his profile and in messages but is actually sweet and lovely on the phone. Watch this space!

@DivorceDating thats a shame re your date for tonight but probably for the best. Impressed at your lineup of dates!
I just went on Tinder and got 3 matches very quickly so maybe Ill see if I can line up a coffee date or two from those for the weekend.
I have made non-dating plans for tomorrow daytime to see my sister and go to a gallery. I was meant to do this on my last free weekend but a spontaneous crazy Friday night out involving pulling two blokes meant I had to cancel as I was recovering. It is nice to be able to do spontaneous nights out again though.

I havent updated for awhile. I have now dated Mr Cook for almost a month and things are moving at a steady pace, but I don't feel rushed. The main plus points are that I enjoy his company and can be completely honest with him, plus good MB.

I have been looking out for red flags and keeping OLD in my mind as my 'back up if this ends so don't OI' plan. There are no obvious negatives, but I know still early days.

There have been moments where I have had doubts, but not because of him, more because I'm used to being independent and having things my way. This hasn't put him off, so he may be a keeper.

Five weeks for me with my Tinder man. Still early days I guess but all well so far and pretty serious. Think he's going to meet my teenage children today for the first time.....

I'm 5'6 size 14, curvy/strong ish body type I love that description another - that's me precisely and much better than my farmers wife description of my body type.-- I wouldn't trade my strong/healthy body for dropping a dress size or 2.

Still texting Mr California who I met on a night out last weekend, I knew we weren't going to meet this week and he's away on his hols tomorrow. Not sure if I'll have lost interest by the time he gets back, let see!

Talking to 2 new guys on Tinder but it's early days so I'd hesitate to call them irons.

Good luck to everyone with weekend dates, I've had such a busy week in work I'm glad I have nothing lined up as I want a weekend catching up with housework and basically slobbing around

Just spent over 3 hours with Mr Surf, we need up staying at my place, lots of chatting and maybe a little MB, he seemed a bit different than he was on our last date, he admitted that he was quite nervous on our first date as we had been talking for quite a while before meeting and he was afraid he wouldn't meet my expectations. After chatt No for a while I realised he's not as intelligent as I first thought (which is a slight relief), yes he knows a lot about his work but probably not much about anything else. He let me speak a lot more this time unlike the first date when he spoke non stop about himself. I won't be seeing him now for at least a week, he's off surfing with his friends for the weekend and I'm off on holiday on Monday. I have a feeling he maybe the type that wants the type of relationship where he doesn't have to put much effort in and where he spends most of his time with his mates but I maybe wrong. I'm still try No not to over invest, intact I think because what I have been through with ex (still quite recent) I can't over invest in anyone.

Fedup I haven't introduced my DCs either. I was thinking of a few brief meetings over a drink, mine are end of primary age. His are teens. Does your iron/bf have DCs and how do you plan to meet up? sorry looking to pinch good ideas here
Hope it goes well for you!

Good luck tonight Bant I'm sure she will come out of her shell the more comfortable she feels with you.

Good luck tonight also NearlyFree17 Fingers crossed he doesn't ghost you. Maybe its worth rekindling with old Tinder matches but I'm finding on Tinder this time round no one seems to have much chat and im the one asking all the questions which gets dull after a while.

Lovemusic Did your date with Mr Surf make you want to see him more? Or would you be happy with a more casual relationship where you don't see him too much?

Divorcedating i think anyone who sends you crude messages when you are not reciprocating them deserves to be ghosted. Is Mr Local still the favourite of all your Irons?

LanaDR im glad things with Mr Cook are still going well, he sounds lovely and may well be a keeper.

I had a second date with Mr Blue eyes last night which went really well, he does seem very genuine and keen but im still wary after my bad run of luck lately. We had a bit of a smooch in the car and I'm hoping to maybe see him again Sunday night or early next week. I am meant to have a date with Mr Music tomorrow night but not heard from him in a few days so it might all be off.

Earth it made me like him more but I don't think I'm ready for anything too serious, I. Happy with just seeing him once a week or every 2 weeks at the moment and see how things go, I have no idea what he wants as he seems quite indepndant and quite busy, he has a lot going on with starting a new buisness and he seems to like to spend the weekends with his friends so a relationship would be dependant on wether he's willing to give up some of his 'friend time' to spend more time with me. He seems to like me more than I like him, I'm holding back a bit as I don't want to get hurt again. He says that he felt a spark when we kissed on the first date, I'm not sure if it was a spark or if he just wanted to get me into bed . I will see him when I get back from my holiday but it's going to be tricky during the summer holidays due to the lack of child care.

Hello @earthangel797 I think it's Mr Burger who's top now based on speaking to him on the phone. I do really like Mr Local though. Have to see how tomorrow goes.

aw im so jealous of everyones dates! im happy though that it seems to be going smoothly, especially securing a 2nd date

im still waiting to hear from Mr.Gym who cancelled our first date, he said he would be in touch today but nothing yet. really cant work him out. Mr Music has been texting but i dont really feel any excitement, its like an old friend is texting me. swiped a couple of people on Tinder last night but if we dont match then i may just delete it. i think i prefer meeting people in real life, even though its less common you still get a sense of their vibe/persona etc.

Ok ladies and gents (probably more gents), I need your advice. So yesterday's dateith Mr Surf seemed to go ok, I broke my 3 date rule and ended up DTD on 2nd date, we also chatted loads and got to know each other a bit better. He has sent me several messages since saying what a great time he had (mainly talking about the sex), this morning I get a message that reads "I think next time we should meet away from your house, would like to build a relationship based on friendship rather than sex.......although the sex was good" so how would you take this? Is he being nice and sensible? Are we in a relationship? (We haven't really discussed it) or does he just want to be friends?
I'm useless at this stuff, I read these things wrong (usually think the worst).

LM I would take that in a really positive way. You have 'chemistry', he wants to know if you get on while doing everyday things, e.g. walking, cinema and meals.