The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

DivorceDating glad you have some other irons on the go and maybe better to focus on those instead of Mr Local and leave him to pull his finger out and contact you. I hate the game playing, it's enough to drive the sanest person mad. You have two more dates under your belt, you are the prize!!

Right hello so I've been following this thread with interest having tipped my toe into the world of OLD following the breakup of my relationship . I've a few irons coming from a marriage breakdown straight into along term relationship I want to talk to many different types of people and brush up on my dating skills and generally just enjoy life!
So far there has been:
Mr Dutch: met for coffee was nice but no spark.
Mr weatherman: I'm in NI Hes in London he calls me everyday we speak about the weather think it's settled into friendship territority.
Mr Glasgow: purely flirt and feel good if I meet someone serious this will stop.
Mr darcy. One date so far. Mr darcy because he's so polite and English in Northern Ireland. Date went well had a kiss or 3. Both have kids so arranging date two has been hard to pin down. He's quiet but polite on what's app and we exchange a few messages daily.
Mr Northern Ireland been speaking for hours since we clicked online having coffee on Friday so far so good but won't count the chickens to they hatch!

Out of these my two contenders are mr darcy and mr Northern Ireland but I'm enjoying the variety of people to talk to! Who knew having ginger hair would work to my advantage for so many irons lol!

Blooming heck I'm fishing in a warm pond at the moment.

1. Comfirmed this coffee date with Mr Cheeky and it's now cocktails at 8pm instead since we followed each other on Instagram :)
2. Mr Massage also wanted Friday night but I'm going to have to push him back to Sunday I think due to Mr Cheeky
3. Mt Athletic just asked to move the chat onto WhatsApp (he's currently in Italy on hols) so that's progress
4. Mr Nice Guy has sent me a voice message on POF asking to take me out for dinner when he's back (also abroad on holiday)

Still feel sad about Mr Local. Actually a bit teary, stupid me getting too attached from messaging and a few dates 😣

DD ot sounds like he enjoys the chase rather than the real experience of being with someone. It's really tough to meet a player, but ultimately he'll be on those games forever while you can be free to meet a geniune person. Hooe you feel better soon.

Pringle have you said to Mr PT that you like talking about what makes you both 'tick'? I wonder if he's attracted to you and is too excited to calm down and thinks that you enjoy flirting?

Linsey two irons in the running is already good going. Is one of them your favourite?

Earth and another I thought I was being played by last iron as messages dropped over time. When I spoke to him he said that it was normal for him not to message unless it's to arrange dates and that it was easier with time as he knew my childcare times. Personally I like regular communication and no playing / loss of interest so it still really put me off.

LM if you know that Mr Surf may just want MB, are you sure that you'll feel ok if that is the case afterwards?
It was a great idea to a 'rest day' today to see what he thinks

I have now been seeing Mr Cook for 3 weeks and I'm giving up a bit on not over investing as he seems nice and normalplus DTD so now emotionally prob feel gutted if it ends .

Nah, I disagree. Someone slowly going off someone else after several weeks and tailing off messaging doesn't mean they're a player. Most relationships fail after a few dates or a few weeks. Expecting a new relationship to work out is great, but thinking they're a player because they went off you - well that isn't right.

It's horrible when things go awkward - I've been both the one to go off someone and lose interest, and the one who was more interested in somneone going off me. That's what happens most of the time, otherwise we'd all be married by the age of 18.

People who are getting back into dating after a failed long term relationship forget all the shit we went through in our teens and twenties, and expect the next one to be 'the one'

It's unlikely to be the one. Possibly it will. But because it's not, it just means it's not, it doesn't mean they're a player.

Help!?!

Can you block someone on pof before they message you?

Just signed in and immediately spotted a client.

Lana I think I can cope with Mr Surf just being for MB, unless he suddenly becomes really nice (which I don't thinks likely).

I don't think so queen - not on the mobile app, anyway. Maybe on the computer?

You can not block if they have messaged you.

@Bant I agree I don't think he's necessarily a player but after four dates I would expect things to be getting more fun not less. He has now messaged me but the message is weird, as if he meant to send it yesterday.

Do I ignore or pretend I've met someone or just say thanks I'm not feeling it. He hasn't asked me out it's just a 'hi how are you' type message. I just feel I'm going to get really hurt if it's something super casual/back up for him and I would have liked to give it a proper go between us. Or am I being crazy and four dates is too soon with OLD these days??

There isn't a rule, DD - if you don't risk getting involved with someone then you can put them off by not being involved enough. If you do, you can get hurt if they're not involved enough.

Personally, I'd just try to go back to who you were - or who you appeared to be - before you actually met. Funny, chatty, whatever it was you were. Men don't expect women to change as they get more involved, and if they become significantly more intense or less intense, it confuses us and puts us off.

if you're still being yourself and he's just gone quiet, then you've got to decide whether you want to continue. If not, then say that things seem to have got weird and to get in touch if he's not going to be weird. That may pull him up.

But four dates is - what - a few hours you've spent together? You can't base any decisions on that. It's got to be more than that, surely.

I really Iike the new iron me ni he's interested texts a lot not my usual type but I'm willing to try new given the failure of my previous two relationships.
Mr darcy is lovely also he was a very fit older guy but it shouldn't really be so hard to pin to a second date I feel.

lindsay hopefully Fri date with Mr NI goes well. Mr Darcy has some time between now and then to impress too or not and then Mr NI seems even better prospect .

LM the previous me would have said go for it dtd in date 3, on date 2 once but waiting a few weeks with Mr Cook was better as we had already got used to a level of intimacy first. It's a personal choice, and if you really want to you have that option and it may develop but he sounds 50:50 .

Dammit

What's up Queen?

Bant and DD watching your conversation reminds me of a convo I had with a couple of guys once who talked about the 5 date rule - how often they would feel disengaged after 5 dates, once the initial novelty wears off and you start to wonder about relationship material (or not). I wonder if that's a thing - I guess it probably is about the time where you start to be able to tell the difference between an attraction/someone you can superficially chat to and a meaningful connection?

Yellow that's interesting as I was talking to a friend before and we were discussing how many dates we thought you'd go on before you knew if you really like someone. Also how many early relationships last.

Flower I think it's about 3 for me as that's the point where you start having the same conversations over again if you've not really got anything to talk about.

I read a thing once that said the four crunch points for things ending are often 1 month/6 weeks when you realise there isn't anything there beyond attraction, 3 - 4 months when you realise that there isn't enough of a solid base to keep going, 18 months - 2 years when the chemical "love" runs out and you need to be good friends and really be on the same page, then once your kids are a bit older and you're out of survival mode and need to decide if you have anything in common anymore.

It's an interesting thought anyway.

Took the plunge and joined the gym tonight. I have honourable intentions in doing so but would be nice to maybe meet someone there.

Still using POF and although my confidence is rock bottom, I still reckon I should at least get a message once in a while let alone a date.

info I find it hard to meet people at the gym, most people seem to mpbe engrossed in what they are doing and often have headphones on.

Can't block a client - think this might rule out pof for me which is a shame as lots of potential on there

Queenofthedrivensnow One of the boys I used to manage is on there. I freaked out initially (we're in the same age bracket) but he's told me he uses OLD, he knows I'm single and my profile isn't embarrassing; it says who I am. And he knows who I am. So I just ignore him and if he ever comes across me, I hope he ignores me too.

I agree though, I wish we could just block people. It would be less complicated.

I've seen some ppl I know on POF; it's never been acknowledged!

There is lots going on on this thread!

I'm the 1 date wonder and was in a relationship more or less 18-31, so I have no idea about what stage you reach to know if it could develop.

Info I get stages where POF is very quiet.
The gym is good anyway! I'm doing a running group for me, not to neet anyone or anything.

Good on you info I haven't really met anyone through the gym, but it's done marvellous things for my confidence, so it really can't hurt.

Mr Buff still hasn't been in touch so he falls under rule 6. Weird. But it's not all bad as his silence prompted me to go fishing and find Mr Bike!

Mr Bike has changed my mind about having lots of irons. I'm liking just concentrating on him. Timing isn't great tbh as I've suddenly got a lot on at home which has dampened my spirit in general. But hopefully I can perk myself up by tomorrow to meet him! He's talked about kissing and I haven't had a good snog for ages Bit worried I'll not be my usual self though.

YellowAardvark - those crunch points are really interesting. Thanks for sharing.

I'm just past the four month stage in my new relationship. All going well so far! We met on Tinder.