The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

InfoSec21 I had tons of messages when I updated my photos. I reckon there's some kind of algorithm that makes your profile more visible when you do a jig. Go on, move a few things around and upload a new photo or two.

coffeeandchocolate4 When did you see him last? Go on, be brave! Best case scenario, you have a third date. Worst case scenario, you know he doesn't want a third date and you move onto the next one. Rule 3 is really hard.

That's my worry with me. Mid divorce, young baby, he left me for another woman who he's now living with etc. At the time I was devastated but as time has passed I am so much happier now.But I do wonder why on earth a man would want to take me and a young baby on, I'm hardly foot loose and fancy free and the situation Bant describes I can see happening to me. I know there is no set time to start dating again but is it really off putting being mid divorce with a baby in tow? I'm clear in my OLD profile but I do wonder why they'd pick someone like me.

coffeeandchocolate4 Re-read rule number 7. I put it in bold for a reason.

I think the key thing is to be clear that the relationship is over and you've moved on - the off-putting thing about the divorcing guy who contacted me before (apart from the fact he stopped messaging!) was that he hadn't very long left the marital home. I've never been divorced, but I have been through the very messy end of a very long-term relationship and I didn't believe he was emotionally disconnected from the situation. I still think I'm right and he shouldn't be dating. It's too soon for him.

Pringles, I've added some new ones but my pics are quite samey. I dress mostly smart for work so I tend to dress down super casual style outside of work. Stuff like skinny ripped jeans and baseball caps. I don't want to mis-sell myself so this is mostly in my pics.

I think with the whole judging books thing, some might assume I'm too casual. I think the right person for me will see what she wants to see though so I'm kinda holding out for that.

InfoSec21 I don't think samey matters; it's about getting the site to see you as having refreshed your profile and to push it out to more women. So great news on adding new pics.

I think you're right to post pics showing you dressing the way you normally do. We should try to come across as versions of ourselves on a really good day - maybe a tiny bit smarter, smilier and more interesting, but not some image we can't keep up with. If you don't enjoy dressing smart, don't post photos of you doing so. You're so right; you want to find a woman who likes that version of you where you feel most comfortable.

Keeping fingers crossed for some good irons for you, InfoSec21.

Bant I'm going through divorce but have been separated for over 2 years so divorce pretty straight forward, I don't even mention it to irons as there's no need for them to know.

I have a new iron on Tinder but he's from London, I shall call him Mr Carabian, I don't usually talk to people that live this far away and LDR are pretty impossible but he is willing to jump on a train and it might be fun?

Had a few messages from Mr Surf last night and then he vanished, Mr fit is getting a bit too rude so I have backed off. Doesn't look like I will have a date this weekend.

How do I not drive myself insane waiting for text replies?!
Although we've spoken every day it seems that it's less and less and I don't know how to not be over invested. I KNOW he's busy working but I can't help feeling that interest is waning...even though the last message was that he'd asked his friend to swap shifts so he could see me argh I feel like a stupid teenager.
I've not had the best few years love life wise so I don't know what to do ha ha.

I might just post on here when I feel like I want to text him again I'm just happy to have found someone I get on with but I don't want to be too eager...

Glad everyone else is getting dates, all sounds so exciting.

jonsnowsghost its tough waiting for text messages when you just want a bit of contact and reassurance that they are feeling the same as you. I hate that part where you feel like your phone is the enemy. I'm terrible with that and will sometimes hide my phone in my bag for a few hours so I dont have to look at it but no sure that really helps.

I think in this case he is just super busy with Wimbledon and its nothing more than that, but I've been there an it does make you feel paranoid. Definitely post on here when you feel like texting and we will get you though. Hopefully by today or tomorrow your date will be confirmed.

I've never been assaulted smeaton although I was asked to hide by one woman I was seeing because her ex had turned up and he was an angry guy generally.

coffee - it will put some men off, it won't put others off. Personally someone with young children wouldn't put me off, although a newborn probably would (simply in terms of logistics)

And there's a differnce beteeen 'mid-divorce' and 'separated with no real plan to divorce' - it's the latter that I've been burned by. An ex had a go at me, one time, because her husband was upset that I was at a family do in his place, her extended family disapproved of me because I was her fancy man, and she hadn't gone through the process of visibly cutting ties and becoming properly single again.

That's what I'd avoid.

Thanks for the reassurance earthangel, I should definitely try hiding my phone!

Just so frustrating.... those little blue ticks are the bane of my life

The only thing worse than blue ticks is no ticks. At least you know if you're being ignored... WhatsApp for all its flaws is still better than old school text messaging.

Mr PT is online. Reality check. He's clearly talking to other women, which is fine, he doesn't owe me anything and I've been on a few dates myself. Not going to overinvest and not going to do anything I'm not comfortable with.

And I still have the Spaniard in reserve for when Friday goes to shit... Do not overinvest, do not overinvest...

Overreaction from me. Just the longest Me Local has ever waited to reply and he's ok with it. Phew.

Date 4 tonight but he wants to go and play ping pong..... help.

After vowing off dating for July one persons comment of I'm just missing opportunities if I do that rang true so I've dusted myself off and got back out there, got talking to a guy last night, just met him for a coffee and all seemed ok. We spoke on the phone before hand but in person he seemed a lot more shy. He asked me out on Saturday which I accepted. Hug goodbye.
The guy has just deleted me on everything 😂
The strangeness of people never seems to shock me anymore 😂
Well I have two more irons and a date on Tuesday, NEXT

Yes, I'm trying to remember that. People can be so unexpectedly and weirdly strange, we have to allow for the possibility of that happening at any time...

Minop I posted about missing opportunities, but also that the opportunities aren't always good. Ghosting and disappearing seem so common.

I guess people decide to go back with an ex or change their mind, but the vanishing act is hard to witness!

...but well done for carrying on!

minop well I lasted 4 days off tinder, logged back on today and have matched with exactly 4 people....Haha, I must've swiped through 100s. My opportunities are few and far between.

I've just blocked someone I was still messaging from a week or so ago on WhatsApp - it was just boring - no real conversation just "morning" first thing "how are you" around lunch time and again in the evening and then "goodnight". He'll be posting on another thread about how he's been ghosted probably but what else can you do under those circumstances?

Currently zero OLD irons, but working in the pub tonight and tomorrow so will chat to the potential iron in there. On a night out on Saturday with a colleague who has a reputation as a bit of a maneater, so I'm intrigued to see how we get on as I am usually happy to stay chatting to the people I'm out with and I wonder why I'm single

I struggle with whatsapp, I try not to think too much about it (wether they have read my message or not) but it does get to me at times. Last night I was messaging Mr Surf, a few messages were exchanged and then nothing so I logged on to POF to look for other potential Irons and Mr Surf was logged on. I know neither of us have mentioned not going on there as such, although he did say he hid his account the day before we met as he was fed up of getting porn links sent to him. I know but m talking to other men so he's probably talking to other women so I can't say anything, just makes it all feel like a competition (if someone better comes along he will vanish).

Hello! Please can I join this thread?

I have a young daughter and decided to start dating again..except I keep meeting lots of weirdo's so a few mumsnetters have suggested I join this group! I need some help

Lana they were wise words, glad you said them to me. I know i'l encounter my fair share of crazies but I will meet a decent guy at some point

Welcome cherry, it's a great support here and helps to know your not alone

Good luck with the real life one jelly

It's hard love I hope he does come through for you

I've just set up another date for tomorrow night, I'm on fire with my new attitude

jellybean - I just went quiet with someone I was whatsapping. She was attractive, local, educated, but the conversation consisted solely of me asking her questions, her giving monosyllabic replies, then me being conversational about stuff, making a joke, then asking more questions about her. I was trying to get a two way thing going but she was just phoning it in, to the point where I felt it was more like I was interviewing her for a job.

So I went quiet, she didn't ask me anything. I didn't block but.. sheesh. What's the point of chatting if you're not interested in knowing about the other person?

Another one seems to have accidentally phoned me today. I let things slide because she was too busy to meet for a date, said she wanted to but no time free in the next fortnight. So I left it with her to let me know when she was free, and.. nothing..

Until the accidental whatsapp call today. So she's looking at our conversation a week after it stopped. Possibly archiving the chat and accidentally pressed the call button. Ha.

Second date lined up with MissScissors. She's quiet in person, chatty and funny online. Easy to talk to, and I quite fancied her. Let's see how we go

Glad to help Minop

Hello Cherry as you can see as you read the thread dating can be tough and fun sometimes really tough

I'm seeing Mr Cook this eve, day at the weekend and two days planned for next week. I have been toughened by too many fuck up experiences men with issues to trust this is going well though!

Minop How very strange?!!

Lovemusic33 That's the thing that is so unnatural about OLD - seeing your date online. It's a turn off isn't it but then again we're all online chatting to other people. I guess maybe when you hit it off with the right person neither of you will want to be online anymore...?

Cherryblossom2008 Welcome! I've been back OLD for about a month now. Good luck!

So OLD was busy last night. I was chatting to 5 men which resulted in being asked out for dinner. He gave me his number. I looked at his photo on whatsapp and his photo looks nothing like his online pics (again!). Seems to be a common theme

My crush in real life asked me out for a drink! I'll call him Mr Tall. Totally unexpected as he couldn't have seemed less interested last time we met. But yay! Not sure I want anything to happen but would be nice to kiss him and beats all the fake photos online.

I had another message as I went in today to hide my profile. (I'm not sure what hiding your profile really does - it's still there?)

It was from another personal trainer. This one was completely ripped - either a catfish or apparently all personal trainers like women who look nothing like their clients...

FWIW, I'm only trying to hide my profile because I have too many irons. I am not solely investing in one okay, I am a little ; I'm just trying to pause things for a bit.

Laura9867 Ooh! Enjoy spending time with Mr Tall. A proper snog can be lovely.

I find the photos things weird. Same as height. If you're going to lie about something, lie about something that won't be so bloody obvious the first time you meet!

LanaDReye Hope you're having fun with Mr Cook! Don't forget the loo update!