The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

How does the conversation about how many people you are seeing and if it's exclusive or hiding your profiles go?

What do you actually say?

DD I say "I don’t multidate, beyond initial meeting dates, do you?" Then wait and see what they suggest hopefully just what you've described .

I've been seeing someone for about 5 weeks/7 or 8 dates but I've reached the conclusion that I need to end it. My first thought was that I should phone him, but I feel I would be springing it on him rather and I think he might be upset. He has emailed me with a suggestion for our next date, would it be acceptable to tell him via email? I don't want to meet up with him just to break up as I feel that would be really awkward.

What do people think?

Smeaton I get that too! I know that not everyone is attached to their phones but for whatever reason it just makes me anxious when I see blue ticks but don't get a reply

Trying to organise date 3 still, unfortunately he works in a sport industry so is horrendously busy with Wimbeldon being on! He has however asked someone to swap shifts so that's a good sign at least (well he says he has...) I'm in no rush though.

Well after my nine month messed up relationship / FWB / friendship or whatever it was ended a couple of weeks ago I went back on tinder and matched with a guy who I used to message last year but stopped as I started seeing the other guy. We've been messaging a few days and he wants to meet up tomorrow for a drink . I only went on tinder just to pass time as not sure im ready for it all yet but seems a waste to not meet someone who I get on with really well via message. I'm going to call him Mr Last Year/) Should I go for it?

Flowergirl5 yes if you think you will enjoy meeting him.

Pavonia I think an email or a phone call is acceptable depending on what you prefer. I think maybe if you have DTD its best by phone but if it didn't get to that stage then email is fine. He probably will be upset if he doesn't see it coming but you are just being honest and its still very early days. At least you aren't going to ghost.

Johnsnowsghost hope you get date 3 sorted, very nice that he is trying to change his shifts, he must be keen to see you.

flowergirl5 definitely go meet him, you have nothing to lose. If you get on well then it will be a nice night out if nothing else.

Lana Mr Blue eyes wanted to meet me last night so 2nd date the day after the first but I was meeting Mr Marathon so couldn't make it. Arranged to see him next Thursday for dinner instead. Mr Marathon just messaged now asking if im free on Sunday. Not sure if I want to go or not, means traipsing into London on Sunday. Im thinking about it. Im also going for a Hatrick and have another date tonight with Mr Soul. I really like his pictures and he seems to have good chat so I feel excited already but trying to reign it in just incase.

Pavonia I would do it by email, I'm too chicken to do it over the phone and you can explain yourself on a email.

Mr Surf hasn't messaged me today other than one smiley face when I sent him a photo, I'm not going to bother messaging him unless he messages me, I can't be bothered. I am the prize 😁

Mr fit has been messaging on and off all day but has been a bit cheeky.

I have only had one message on POF since the weekend and that was from another younger man, not sure why I am attracting young men all of a sudden, this is the 3rd one in the last week.

Thanks EarthAngel and LoveMusic, I'll go with the email. I think there's a fair chance that he might phone me after he has read it anyway. I feel horrible.

Pavonia good luck with the email. Unless you have purposefully lied to him then you have done nothing to apologise for, but you may like to say that you are sorry if he had hoped for more as you can't see it progressing.

Evening.

Okay, second date is arranged with last nights date. Dinner somewhere.

I'm not over investing, as I'm too seasoned for that, but I really want to see how things go with her rather than go back to OD to try to cultivate new irons. My experience says I shouldn't do that as it distracts from this one.

However, this will be date 2. Early days.

Thanks Lana. I've sent it and tried to word it as kindly as I can while being definite. I know that he's working this evening so he won't read it until late tonight or tomorrow.

Pavonia If you communicate by email rather than text and you hadn't DTD, I think a lot of us would have taken that option too. Well done for biting the bullet and just doing it.

I am trying not to over invest in Mr PT. The thought occurs to me, we've only had one date! We had a chat over the phone before we had a date and we message each other every day, but we've only had one date. He could be seeing lots of other girls and that would be reasonable given we've only had one date and I need to not over invest in him. Under dating law, he's still not a real person.

I heard from Mr Outdoorsy and I have ignored his message for now. I do need to reply soon. But there is no good way of saying I was busy, you were busy, now I'm invested in two irons and I don't want to bring in a third.

'Hi, I'm really sorry but I didn't hear from you in ages and so I decided to explore my options, and they turned out to be better than you?'

Bant Ouch.

I'm not saying it's not true, but...

Pringle I would write something about being busy over the next week and that you may not able to plan anything for a while not a lie you have life events plus two irons .

He will then be free to carry on with his other irons. If you are both single in a week you could message and see if he is then free, but he won't be waiting around.

I know there are mixed thoughts on 'reserves' in dating, but it is possible that you don't know until date 2 / 3 that the 'basics' are there e.g. connection, humour, attraction, reliability . As long as there isn't a suggestion of more than 'a coffee at some point would be good', you aren't making a promise. I hope things do go well with MrPT though!

LanaDReye I can do that. He's asked about my week ahead and it is genuinely busy including a date with Mr PT so that's not a brush off, but it does put some distance there. Thank you.

Any other dates coming up this week for anyone?

Well I messaged Mr Local who I'd decided I really liked being really clear about the separated waiting on my divorce and he never replied. Ouch.

Lesson learnt. Will stick it on my profile from now on so there's no confusion.

DivorceDating If there's anything you're worried is off-putting, stick it on your profile. I worry about my weight, so I've made sure to stick a full length shot up so people can figure out I'm not a stick thin gym bunny. If you think some men may find the divorce off-putting, write it on your profile. That way when you start chatting to a new iron, you know it's out there, and you'll feel more confident as a result.

DD I don't understand why this would be such an issue. Divorces can take years. I dated before mine came through and it wasn't a problem.

Just caught up a few pages. Good to see action going on for everyone.

I'm still reeling from the person a few pages back that said her ex wanted to charge her for borrowing the sat nav. Like, seriously?

Still no chats happening for me. I think my pictures need work or I'm just plain ugly!!

I've been reading this thread now I'm feeling brave enough to start dating again and I'm already going against the ground rules by over investing! I literally wait for his text all day (I do have a lot of time on my hands at the moment) and find I'm getting grumpy if he doesn't reply.
We had two dates so far (I'll call him Mr Green), and I really like him. Waiting to see if he wants a third. We met OLD and at the end of the last date he says 'oh we must go to X place' that we talked about. I agreed but he was possibly away this weekend so nothing was confirmed. It's nearly Thursday and I don't know whether to be brave and ask if he's free?

I've learned to avoid women in the middle of a divorce. Some may be well adjusted and happy, but in my experience, it adds far more complication.

My last serious relationship finished because partly because her husband - though living with someone else - was upset about the fact I was taking his place at family events, and my ex felt guilty about that.

So I prefer a somewhat clean slate, and would choose to avoid complications where possible. Everyone has baggage, but some haven't learned to deal with theirs yet.