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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

999 replies

pringlecat · 27/06/2017 08:51

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  1. If it's not fun, stop.
  2. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
anothernew · 04/07/2017 20:59

Minop I'm normal!! And so is my friend who is also on OLD Grin

We keep each other going by reminding each other that there must be people out there who are just like us, looking for people just like us Grin

That man you were supposed to meet today is not normal. I think you dodged a bullet there.

Oooh LoveM sounds nice. I got the loveliest forearm shot the other day. I'm not sure what it is about them, but it was just what I needed Wink

Earthangel sounds v exciting! Hope you are enjoying Mr Marathon!

And Lana hope it's going well with Mr Cook!

Pringle I'm watching your dilemma with interest. Can't wait to see how it turns out! Wink

Oh Fiery Mr Texan sounds like a proper loser. What a cowardly way for him to behave. Again, dodged bullet. There is something much better out there for you. He has issues. Without a doubt. Plenty of time to get a new iron for the weekend!

Yay Bant I hope you get on swimmingly!! Loo update please Grin

fedupandnogin · 04/07/2017 21:10

Oh @Fieryfighter that's so awful. I had high hopes for you and Mr Texan. Are you sure there is no reasonable explanation?

I was at about the same stage as you and am still with the person I met on Tinder. However, I was supposed to be seeing him tomorrow evening but he's messaged me to say he's going to meet up with his children tomorrow so will free him up for the weekend. So I'm a bit Hmm as we'd made arrangements for tomorrow evening. However I won't make an issue of it as I'm trying to play it a little cool and don't want to scare him off as I'm quite keen.

Fieryfighter · 04/07/2017 21:17

fedupandnogin i honestly can't think of a possible explanation, he hasn't seen my message asking when we were meeting id think possibly broken phone but it was seen eventually this morning.

Even if something had happened he knows where i live and drives through my village every day!

What's annoyed me the most is how fucking rude it is.

justmeand2DC · 04/07/2017 21:22

Lana no that was a different Mr Bike, this one I haven't met yet although we've chatted on the phone. He sounds a bit worthy but we'll see.

Lovemusic33 · 04/07/2017 21:43

Ok, need opinions. Mr Surf kept on over the weekend asking if I could meet Thursday, offered to drive quite far to meet me (as I'm working somewhere for the day), I told him that I couldn't get away to meet up with him. Any way today I re arranged a few things and told Mr Surf I now had some free time Thursday, he sent me a few messages saying how great it was that I had some free time etc..etc.., I assumed that this meant we would be meeting. He calls me tonight and no mention of meeting until next week (as originally planned) Hmm.
Now he's an intelligent man I assumed that me telling him I'm now free would mean I can meet him? Maybe he's now not free to meet up? Or maybe he's waiting for me to spell it out a bit clearer?

Anyway, chat on the phone went ok ish and we sorted a time to meet next week.

Earlier I sent him a suggestive text after he said he was going to the gym ( I was testing the water a bit) but he didn't really respond to it but sent me a picture of his chest after he had been to the gym. I think he thinks I'm some kind of fitness freak because my profile on POF, since meeting me he has gone on a diet and joined the gym, he also looks like he may have got a fake tan, this makes me feel a bit weird. I do like to keep fit but I also like to eat a lot. Just because I like to keep fit doesn't mean I want a man that does the same.

I think I need to find some more irons, I don't think Mr fit is really going to happen, although it could be fun he's just too young for me.

pringlecat · 04/07/2017 21:51

Waiting for Bant's update!

I called it a night after 2.5 hours because I have an early start tomorrow. We laughed non stop. We have a good banter. But I very obviously went for the side kiss and didn't give the Spaniard a chance.

I like him as a person but I felt so... I don't know. Disloyal? LanaDReye is right - I'm treating him as a backup option. I am a horrible person...

I liked him more when I saw him, but I am not as physically attracted to him as I am Mr PT. Being logical, I should choose the Spaniard - we have a shared humour, he likes me, I can relate a little to what he does for a living and I can really relate to the languages thing.

But Mr PT is so charming and he makes me want to DTD.

Help.

OP posts:
flowergirl5 · 04/07/2017 21:51

Laura ended up seeing him for nine months but it was more FWB and I got hurt in the end. He had a lovely personality and I really fell for him. Feel stupid for ending up like that but I guess you live and learn. He didn't give me butterfly's when I saw him but nobody has made me laugh like that in years. X

pringlecat · 04/07/2017 21:55

Lovemusic33 I would never assume anything with OLD! But equally, it sounds like Mr Surf had his window with you and you've lost all enthusiasm. Which is how I feel about some of my irons. They have a chance to make us feel good and feel hopeful that there is something there, but if they miss it... we lose interest and it's hard to get that back.

OP posts:
LanaDReye · 04/07/2017 21:56

Date tonight with Mr Cook went well again. Good company and kisses. Personality-wise we seem very compatible.

Only differences I can spot is that while he has a regular job, I have a career and manage others. He rents and I have a mortgage, which I've had for 15 years. Financially I think we're in different places. At the moment I don't care as I am enjoying our time together, but I wonder if it will cause issues later.

pringlecat · 04/07/2017 22:03

LanaDReye Ooh. Sounds good!

I've accepted I am not going to meet anyone else who also has a mortgage and a well paid job. What I do ask is that they don't feel emasculated by it.

Mr PT made a comment about property and I felt he was relieved I wasn't judging him for not owning somewhere and I felt relieved he wasn't making an issue of it. I would feel differently if he had wasted money and/or not worked, but he just has a career with a much lower earnings potential and I won't knock that.

OP posts:
LanaDReye · 04/07/2017 22:06

Pringle chemistry with MrPT sounds better, so ideally you will have a fab date with him and can message The Spaniard to say you just have feelings of friendship not romance or similar gentle ending. If it doesn't work out with MrPT, then it's ok to continue with The Spaniard as he could be a slow burner.

LM I think Mr Surf may be Mr Selfish really. He hss rest days, takes up new hobbies, tells you when he would like you to be free. What effort or time is he really putting into fitting iaround you? sounds a bit like hot air and no substance .

LanaDReye · 04/07/2017 22:16

Pringle my last iron owned a lovely house outright at mid 40s. He couldn't emotionally connect fully so only had short-term relationships. I'm getting my priorities straight and realise an emotional connection is worth more than a high wage/ mortgage/house too.

pringlecat · 04/07/2017 22:50

I think Bant may have had a point about not trying too hard. I turned up wearing clothes that made my arms look fat, I wore specs even though I've been told I look prettier with glasses, I wore flats (although, the Spaniard is super short) and you know what he said? Nice glasses. And he meant it. And on the way home, I got hit on in the street. Maybe we are wasting hours on straightening our hair and preening when guys will either find us attractive or they won't.

LanaDReye I'm trying to do that too. As far as I'm concerned, it's not settling, it's prioritising. We have good jobs, we have homes, so what do we need? We don't need someone rich (we just need someone who won't drag us down). We're confident, we're happy, we're OK in our own company - but someone who is kind, who makes us laugh and who is good in bed, that would be someone worth having.

I'm not saying that the Spaniard is not kind, but I think Mr PT may be incapable of not being kind. My reservation over him is we don't click as much intellectually and I worry that the laughs may run dry eventually. Something I think I can find out from just spending more time with him.

Physically we both find each other attractive (it's always reassuring when you go in for a first kiss and you can feel the man is attracted because you know it's in working order!) and we have some similar passions which have manifested in different choices but are driven from the same intent.

Can't I just combine their best features and create an ultimate date...? No...?

Date with Mr PT on Friday night. Hopefully I'll make my decision then. Still staggered I'm in the position of making choices...

OP posts:
earthangel797 · 04/07/2017 22:57

fiery what a bastard! Like you said it's just plain rude. He should have had the balls to tell you if he no longer wants to see you. Good on you for getting back on there, bag yourself a hot date for this weekend and don't give this loser another thought.

pringlecat you're not a horrible person. You had to meet the Spaniard again to see how you felt. At least it's made you see that you have better chemistry with Mr PT and that doesn't come along all the time.

Lana glad you're date went well with Mr Cook, I don't think it matters too much about the financial situation right now like you say you if you can connect emotionally that means so much more.

My date with Mr Marathon wasn't bad. I wouldn't say he is my usual type but we had lots to talk about and he is fairly attractive. I think I prefer Mr Blue eyes though so not sure if I should meet him again. Guess I cross that bridge if it comes to it.

pringlecat · 04/07/2017 23:01

earthangel797 I place no weight on "usual type". If our usual type was right for us, we'd all still be with our exes. If you enjoy spending time with Mr Marathon, that's what's important.

OP posts:
Bant · 04/07/2017 23:02

Alright. I'm home. I wasn't sure about chemistry but it started creeping in at the end. She was nervous, and it showed. But we made each other laugh and she came out of her shell a bit and yeah, I fancied her.

Cheek kiss goodnight as I went to get the train home. I waited an hour and asked if she'd like to meet again and she said yes.

So that's good then.

pringlecat · 04/07/2017 23:02

Is anyone else assuming that because Bant hasn't posted a loo update, he's having one of his epic dates that seems to last a whole day? Grin Hope you are having a great time!

OP posts:
pringlecat · 04/07/2017 23:03

Cross-posted! Sounds like it went well, Bant. Fingers crossed for a good second date. Smile

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 05/07/2017 10:03

Lad it went well Bant and I hope the 2nd date goes well too.

Lovemusic33 · 05/07/2017 10:12

'Glad'

Smeaton · 05/07/2017 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LanaDReye · 05/07/2017 13:30

Smeaton it can be a good sign that she is making time to check her phone, and thinking about her answers. It's a lot easier for me to read mesages at work and with the children then to type one. She could be the same.

Good to hear yout date went well Bant .

Earthangel have you arranged a second date with Mr blue eyes or Mr Marathon?

LanaDReye · 05/07/2017 13:32

Smeaton,out of interest is the delay in the middle of the working day rather than late evenings?

Smeaton · 05/07/2017 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LanaDReye · 05/07/2017 14:18

She has more to fit in. It may be good if you do give a bit of a break between messages - do things yourself and time will pass!

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