From Russia With Love (earrings 2)

[MarilynMonsoon]

Can't believe so many of you helped me that I need a new thread!?

No contact tonight, dread tomorrow's return to the flat though

Blimey; in the midst of all this crap, your clear sightedness astounds me.

Been to see a little flat today and have gone for it, just waiting on agency checks. If I get it I will out my stuf into storage and take up the sofa rota offer until I can move.

His mother called again she was less angry, she just seemed confused. He's told her I refused to discuss things like adoption and I said we've been talking about it for two years. I filled her in on his six month dalliance with his office manager. She rather feebly tried to get me to see it as a midlife crisis and pity him, wasn't having it.

Since then I've just given way a bit, like I'm good doing practical things to keep myself busy but when I have a moment to jus think I feel like I have concussion or something, like a dream world.

(For a PP, the neighbours said they'd Called the police to get him to leave, they hadn't actually done it yet but would have done if he'd escalated thankfully he just left, I had a good few people out on the landing with me by that point so wasn't in danger, locks being changed this afternoon)

Been following from the beginning of your thread and just wanted to wish you well.

I recognise that concussed feeling from
When I went through a bit of a hard time-it does pass-but only with time and some strong self care.
You have been astonishing so far and have done so well. My tip is to plan things for the medium term and long term so at times when you feel rubbish you have something to look forward to.

It's easy for us all to say you have dodged a bullet-and I genuinely think that's true here, but sometimes that doesn't help when you feel low and you miss the person you thought you knew. Time honestly does help with that...

Great news on the flat.all the better for a fresh start.

Take care op-you will be the better for this in the long run even if it doesn't feel like that now all the time.

He is trying to excuse the inexcusable vile texts he sent you as him being hurt and upset because you wouldn't discuss adoption etc. Poor him sob sob. At least mummy is buying it.

Nothing explains how vile he was.

He is a little worm wriggling on a hook and making the hole bigger because he can't accept the only person to blame is him.

He thought he deserved the hot blonde not that she just wanted him for dining and wining.

Now you don't want him either.

His ego has taken a huge blow.

Hi Marilyn,

I've been reading this thread and wanted to say that you are doing so well.
I was in a similar situation myself when my DH decided to up and leave me after 4 years of marriage . I discovered after he was having an affair with a woman who I thought was a friend.
At first you will feel absolutely destroyed and numb and feel that you can't go on and after that comes the anger and sometimes despair, but I promise you it really does get better though you probably can't see it now. Six years after DH left and 3 years after the divorce I'm now happier than I've ever been. I've met someone else, we've bought a house and just got engaged. It takes time to recover and learn to trust someone again but you will get there. xx

Glad you've found a new flat so quickly, hope it'll be a fab home for you

Hi OP,

Just to remind you...being sad, feeling lost or vulnerable, is normal and proves you are human and not a psychopath. It also doesn't mean you're not kickass, strong and an absolute heroine. We're all cheering for you here and we're supportive, but don't feel pressured to always be 'on' and in fighting mode. The sadness, feeling lost and worried, devastation and so on...all normal and you need to express that too. So don't worry about that.

Why is his mother contacting you?! She needs to butt out, this is nothing to do with her, your breakup is none of her business and she should not have been calling you!! Don't answer if she contacts you again.

I'm so glad you've found a new home.

@TheCuriousOwl That book you're reading sounds bang on, also, I think we must have been out with the same person!

I said he could get all the professional help he needed at the GUM clinic and hey, considering I will also be there since he's put my own health at risk, why don't we make it a fun day out?
I know this is a serious business, but Marilyn, you are so funny, best come back ever to the 'poor me, I've been caught out, I must be sick' excuse. Your ex is not just a misogynistic insult to men, but he demeaning people who have real mental health problems.

Marilyn, did he ever show signs of being a financial leech? I was wondering as as soon as you told him you weren't going pay for half of everything anymore he went ape.

of course his Mother phoned.. he's such a needy desperado.. now you don't need him.. he's freaking out.. he is disgusting.. didn't imagine for e second he'd give his Mother to accurate version either.... he's is scum

Well it very well could be a midlife crisis, but that doesn't excuse anything, he could have bought some leather trousers or something, not shagged his office manager, Christ.

It is awful when someone you thought you knew turns out to be a completely different person to what you thought, once you've had some time you'll realise it's good that he's shown his true colours now, imagine if you hadn't found the earrings, how much longer would his double life have gone on for?

Dear Marilyn,

I've been lurking on this thread but just wanted to say I think you're amazing. I wish you all the very best and much happiness

xx

Wow, he really is a fucking moron! So is his mother!

OP, you come across as a lovely, witty young woman. There's plenty more fish in the sea, so they say! Hope you won't have to wait long until you can move into your new flat.

Can't believe his mum is still trying to defend him, eye roll

It sounds like even his mum doesn't want him!

Hey OP,

I too have been lurking in on this thread.
I admire your strength. If it was me I would have strung him up by his balls!

You sound like a lovely lady and I'm sure that life has something better in store for you.
Good luck with moving and all the best xx

I've been warned he has taken to Facebook where I also blocked him, saying how desperate he is after being thrown out, by hysterical woman over a misunderstanding, basically. I ever between wanting to cry and wanting to break everything.

I've been lurking on your threads Marilyn and am periodically checking back to see if you have updated and how you are getting on. You seem to be handling all of this really well and with dignity (and a good degree of sarcasm and hilarious humour!). Good on you and I hope your new home works out well for you

God he's a tool. Shagging someone else for 6 months is a misunderstanding? With any luck his mates will call him out on it. He's after pity because he fucked up. If he'd been the remotest bit contrite maybe there'd have been a route to forgiveness but he was downright nasty and spiteful.

Stay strong Marylin. You're doing great. Keep focused on the future, your new home and making it your little sanctuary. Leave him to wallow in self pity, he's not a patch on you x

Tales of woe on Facebook? Oh my, he's taken making a tit of himself to another level there!

A misunderstanding?! Lord what an idiot.

I hope someone posts this on his page...

Luckily you are not hysterical, nor was it a misunderstanding.

fwiw I have someone on FB who posts tales of woe about his unreasonable exes. He gets plenty of "u OK hun?" responses, but everyone knows he's a dick.

He is pathetic & will be coming across as a total knob on fb - he may get a little sympathy from like minds but you are in poll position, you're free of him - if that's what you want

I truly understand how you're feeling, the highs are anger fuelled right now & the lows feel like you can't possibly go lower - or get out of the pit.
You can and will get through this, it isn't easy but you are stronger than you feel right now. Please don't settle, he doesn't deserve you - your best times are ahead of you.