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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

From Russia With Love (earrings 2)

449 replies

MarilynMonsoon · 25/06/2017 23:54

Can't believe so many of you helped me that I need a new thread!?

No contact tonight, dread tomorrow's return to the flat though

OP posts:
Rightchoiceat46 · 27/06/2017 17:59

He needs help alright, probably with his credit card bill! You are totally amazing Marilyn.

TrulyFubar · 27/06/2017 18:04

So glad I found the continuing thread - I've been worried. It just goes to show what a thin veneer of 'respectability' he had. One crack and the entire thing fell away. The only thing worse than spending 4 years with the twunt would be spending 4 years and one day! My petal you have had a lucky escape and, in the middle of all the chaos and pain, you've discovered strength and grit you never thought you possessed. Bravo!
My DH has been gripped by your story too and he identified a lot of Twunt's personality defects as the thread played out. He'll be happy to know you're still utterly marvellous whilst Twunt is on his arse, wallowing in regret Smile

qazxc · 27/06/2017 18:13

Pack all his stuff and get someone to drop it at his mother's or his work. I got a man in a van to do drop off when I kicked xp out and it was great, he couldn't kick off at a stranger and I didn't have to sit at home looking at his stuff.
You are bound to go through a dip as the anger and adrenaline wear off.
Concentrate on finding yourself a new place to live and making it yours for your new beginning.

magoria · 27/06/2017 18:20

I am glad in a way he was so fucking vile to you. It made you see clearly what he really is and that you wouldn't go back.

If he had just tried the sorry it was a mistake without all the abuse you may have been tempted to see if you could work through it.

You know now the real him now.

Hard and painful as that is. You will start healing much faster than if he kept you hanging on a string until OW was suckered in and ready for his offspring.

MissJSays · 27/06/2017 18:25

Bloody hell OP, what a massive cunt he is.

I'm actually glad he was so awful! Now there is just absolutely no going back.

You're doing so well!!!

ToadsforJustice · 27/06/2017 18:49

So he has gone from two women to no women and homeless in a few days. Sucks to be him. You had a lucky escape there OP. KOKO.

Rescuepuppydaft2 · 27/06/2017 18:55

Its a shame that men like him don't come with a microchip that would send immediate information to any unsuspecting woman they approach! E.g ' warning, warning, stay clear, this man is a grade A, abusive, cheating narcissist, who is only interested in propagating his seed to make him fine big sons. Masquerades as a good person but this is a completely false persona! Tendency to steal woman's jewellery as trophies!'

Life would be so much safer for female population! Obviously the same should be available for awful women!

TheCuriousOwl · 27/06/2017 19:08

I'm reading 'the sociopath next door' which is a good descriptor of my ex and also of the way this twat is behaving too. Just rage that they aren't getting what they want.

The reason they can hide what they are like is because they know how they are behaving, they just don't CARE. Because they can't care about anything. It's not that you aren't good enough or whatever, literally they would cheat on whoever they were with, just because they can. People aren't humans with feelings. They are just possessions to do with what you please.

You've basically done the one and only thing that can hurt someone like that and that is not follow their script. I think you are marvellous.

BaDumShh · 27/06/2017 19:20

OP, throughout all of this you have behaved in the way that all manipulative bullies hate. You haven't ranted and raved, cried at him, or lost your cool. You've kept your head, and made him look and feel utterly stupid. This is why he's behaving in this way now. You have been dignity personified, people like him HATE that.

Get those locks changed, send the rest of his crap via courier to his mums like PP suggests. You have no need to ever see him, speak to him or engage with him ever again.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 27/06/2017 19:27

You've never seen him like that before because he never had a reason to show you. Now he's monumentally fucked his life up he's lashing out in fear and panic. Sorry you're having to go through this but at least you've blocked him now. Good luck with the flat viewing tomorrow.

Gemini69 · 27/06/2017 19:45

Lady.... you will go through every emotion ...

you deserve this new future without a man who treated you so appallingly ....

Good Luck xxx

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 27/06/2017 19:51

OP, you are marvellous. An inspiration to us all.

Figgygal · 27/06/2017 19:56

Bet his mum is proud Confused

MrsMozart · 27/06/2017 20:42

Blinking heck lass. What a shit. You're well rid.

StormTreader · 27/06/2017 20:46

"You've never seen him like that before because he never had a reason to show you. Now he's monumentally fucked his life up he's lashing out in fear and panic."

Exactly this - the person you knew was the real him, but this side of him is ALSO the real him, youve just never been shown it before.

Tequilamockingbirdturd · 27/06/2017 20:57

As I suspected in my last post.... he would turn up saying sorry.....then he would say he had some sort of mental breakdown and then if that failed he would get angry!!

OP all the emotions you are going through are totally normal, each time you go through the cycle of emotions they get more and more diluted and less painful, it's the cycle of greif. It's a massive shock your dealing with too on top of a change to your routine/habit in having someone coming home too etc.
By not taking him back your sooo much closer to finding happiness.

Due to his atomic fuck up on every level you've not had to endure "limboland" !! So that shitty period of time after taking someone back and you constantly worry if it's going to work out or if they are going to cheat again and all the mistrust that YOU would have had to endure till it finished for good, whilst he went about life as normal.... it's the wronged party that suffers after infidelity.

You have had a very lucky escape, from one woman to another I am sooooo proud of you xxx

AutumnRose8 · 27/06/2017 22:33

Empty and numb is inevitable Marilyn, along with deep hurt and sadness. The speed with which your life has been turned upside down is, quite frankly, mind boggling. Just keep doing what you have been doing, surround yourself with the love of friends, but be ready to hit the buffers from time to time.

The one thing you must never do is blame yourself for any of this. In time you'll find your forever love....I promise.

debbs77 · 28/06/2017 00:08

You're still amazing OP!

HarmlessChap · 28/06/2017 00:16

Plenty more fish in the sea, next one won't be a bottom feeder ;)

LightDrizzle · 28/06/2017 00:55

I agree with him about the "professional help", but sadly for him, and any women who cross his path in the future, euthanasia remains illegal in the U.K. so I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel for him.
As least he has his mummy's love Grin
Blocking him is a great call. Mainly because you're done with him and need to focus on you and getting your life back on track, but the collateral bonus is that it will really get to him. Just think, a week ago he had two ladies! A sexy Russian blonde one and his steady banker at home. He was a player! He is now a middle-aged man who lives with his mum.
His colleagues will all think he is a tragic wanker. What with him being a tragic wanker and all.
You on the other hand, are clearly rather fabulous.

CrispPacket · 28/06/2017 03:12

You are fabulous Marilyn.
I do wonder what his mum must truly be thinking after seeing the messages. Can't think anyone will want him and think he's starting to realise

duxb · 28/06/2017 04:21

OP I know it won't really feel like it as it's al too raw but you've found his true colours.

You aren't married and no DC, you can move out quickly and have the funds to do so and even your EXPs friends are shocked by his behaviour.

In a little while, once the shock wears off and you've processed all you're feelings about loving a man who you now feel you didn't know at all, you will be relieved to be well rid.

Tequilamockingbirdturd · 28/06/2017 05:04

What safety precautions have you taken OP, he's angry and his irratic behaviour worries me a bit....have the locks been changed? Or have you moved out and with some friends now?

HollyBollyBooBoo · 28/06/2017 05:56

She's doing both Tequila!

Zofloraqueen27 · 28/06/2017 06:02

Well he tried the sad eyed, upset, remorseful approach when he first turned up no doubt hoping you would welcome him back with open arms. Boo hoo. Wrong!! The second he realised he wasn't going to get his own way he blew. What a complete and utter knob. We are all sorry you have to go through this hurt Marilyn when you are such an incredibly awesome woman. What an total fool this man is. I just hope he sheds many a bitter tear in the cold hours before dawn whilst being forced to lie on his mother's sofa. His friend clearly wants him gone and it won't be long before mummy dearest gets him to move on too. (it is a great pity she didn't make a better job of rearing him). He has a long time ahead to think about what he has done and lost. I and I know everyone else here on your post are cheering you on Marilyn. I am sure it is hard for you right now but believe us a happier, knob free life is ahead for you. Go girl!!