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Original poster

Mystery earrings

999 replies

MarilynMonsoon · 23/06/2017 13:33

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

OP posts:
Monkeypuzzle32 · 25/06/2017 15:09

His nasty texts have done you a favour in the long run-he's laid all his cards out for you! Make sure you pack up anything precious from the flat in case he pops over when you're not there and takes it.

Original poster
MarilynMonsoon · 25/06/2017 15:14

Found a little one-bed I could afford easily

OP posts:
MistyMean · 25/06/2017 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MarilynMonsoon · 25/06/2017 15:20

For what it's worth I'm half polish myself...perhaps my ex just has a thing about Eastern Europeans? Oh well, more Wine

OP posts:
MineKraftCheese · 25/06/2017 15:21

Wow, how pathetic painting himself as the hero of the piece to his mum. Who does she think she is ringing you anyway?? It's none of her business whatsoever.

You handled it with aplomb. I would told the nobhead mother where to go and then regretted lowering myself to their level.

wonderingsoul · 25/06/2017 15:23

Try and see hes dickness as a blessing. Its easier to keep angry at some one being absolutly nasty then some one whos groverling and messing with your head.

Cake herea to the furture and start planning a awesome house party Wine

PoorYorick · 25/06/2017 15:24

perhaps my ex just has a thing about Eastern Europeans?

I think he's got a thing about taking absolutely no responsibility for his decisions and treating women like shit. Is he from a very patriarchal culture? It's just that even for people who want children, describing someone as "barren" and banging on about sons is so...primitive.

PoorYorick · 25/06/2017 15:25

Does anyone else remember Richard O'Brien prancing around the Crystal Maze singing about Mumsy and how she'd left him his pocket money and how proud he was to be her boy?

And he was doing it as a comic act.

I'm just saying.

Original poster
MarilynMonsoon · 25/06/2017 15:27

He's an English as high tea, worn in Barbour jackets and repressed sexual perversion so god knows, this ' son of my blood' thing came out of nowhere, it's not like he has a crumbling grousing estate to leave to anyone Confused

OP posts:
MineKraftCheese · 25/06/2017 15:27

The misogyny of wanting sons beggars belief. It's a sick thing to vocalise. Does he have any idea how many baby girls are killed in China etc? Vile.

Original poster
MarilynMonsoon · 25/06/2017 15:28

Interested in a bloke's perspective on that

OP posts:
Original poster
MarilynMonsoon · 25/06/2017 15:30

Like, do men secretly want a line of boys? Did he really think he had a chNce reproducing with the hot young office manager?

OP posts:
LyndaLaHughes · 25/06/2017 15:33

OP you are handing this with utter dignity and class. I take my hat off to you. It sounds like he has already realised he's made a massive mistake and is projecting that blame onto you in a panic. He's done you the biggest favour ever though as now you are free to find someone worthy of you.

WhooooAmI24601 · 25/06/2017 15:34

DH says he couldn't have given a shit if we'd had girls or boys, he would have preferred one who didn't kick seven bells of shit out of him. They're 11 and 6 and he gets them all riled up then complains when they go a bit Hulk Hogan and I have to take charge. So the whole "men want boys to further their line" thing is shite; ours fucking hate him 70% of the time.

You sound as though you're going to do just fine without him. And I hope he has to end up living with that vile Mother of his; she sounds like a delightful pile of crabs.

PoorYorick · 25/06/2017 15:34

He's an English as high tea, worn in Barbour jackets and repressed sexual perversion so god knows, this ' son of my blood' thing came out of nowhere, it's not like he has a crumbling grousing estate to leave to anyone

Just spat tea all over my keyboard (second time since reading about how the Russian isn't Anne Boleyn). OP, with that pithy sense of humour, there's nothing and no one you can't take on and win. Especially a chinless wonder currently consigned to his disapproving mate's sofa to get pissed while Boleynovski resets her radar.

And you're only 32. Christ, if I weren't straight and already married I'd be hitting on you myself.

Original poster
MarilynMonsoon · 25/06/2017 15:35

I wish I knew what he told her and what she's thinking

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 25/06/2017 15:40

If he's that stereotypically English, it may be that she assumed he was far richer than he is. (I get this a bit. Slightly plum in the mouth accent, privately educated, people assume I am rich. I am not, especially since I'm almost estranged from my family, but they don't know that.)

She's probably not thinking much beyond what she can get out of him. I'm going to guess that if she were with him for the hawt sexxx, he'd probably be there now instead of screaming drunken crap at a bunch of men in tight suits.

Saiman · 25/06/2017 15:43

Op just read this thread and think you are amazing.

I do think thr danger point will be when he tries to come back.

I can not believe the contempt he has treated you with. Flowers for you

WaitrosePigeon · 25/06/2017 15:50

He is a cunt and you are great.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 25/06/2017 15:52

OP, you're doing great.

On a practical note, check your tenancy agreement as you may have to give notice in line with the term date (I.e by the first of the month or when you pay the rent) so don't miss the notice date!

If you do want to stay where you are now, only one of the joint named tenants' need to serve a valid NTQ, and the landlord can grant you a new tenancy in your sole name if you do wish.

The guy is a complete cockwomble and you are will clear. If you want any help with the tenancy please let me know and I'm happy to help.

FoxSticks · 25/06/2017 16:13

What a complete arsehole.

merville · 25/06/2017 16:25

*The barren comments are classic misdirection.

He doesn't want to be the bad guy who followed his knob into an affair.

So, he's come up with the "I wanted kids" narrative in hopes he can shut people up, AND, by choosing something so cruel and fucked up as the reason, he's hoping you'll feel ashamed (or some such rubbish) that your "barrenness" "forced" him to do something so terrible and out of character, so you will cover for him/keep the reason for your split quiet.

Classic "I refuse to be the bad guy" tactics. Cruel, cowardly and heartless.*

Thestamp nailed it with this.

He hasn't been talking about this huge issue to his best friend, or you .. he could have finished the relationship with you but hasn't, he started denying the affair until he realised you had proof etc.

Also Ms Russia is most likely a visa hunter. Plus attached men always appear more attractive because their v attached status gives them validation/respectability (they are wanted by another woman, they appear to be a desirable partner) .. when they become single they lose that, appear less attractive and have to stand on their own merit .. and you said he's average.

Ms. Russia will prob. try to use him for a visa if she sticks around at all (and when she sees the wining and dining is on credit and he is well-off).

merville · 25/06/2017 16:30

Sorry - he isn't well-off

merville · 25/06/2017 16:35

As an aside, could even ivf guarantee him a son?
If you can do gender selective ivf, I'd imagine it's v expensive.

The v fact he's so fixated on a son tells you how he really views females.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 25/06/2017 16:44

I came to say what merville said!