Mystery earrings

[MarilynMonsoon]

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

If you can't afford flat on your own maybe look for a small one ASAP and let him have the flat. I would screenshot all his shitty messages and send them to Anne Boleyn saying "thanks for doing me a massive favour. I hope you are both very happy together"

Try not to let him back in. I know he is legally entitled, but it would be awful. Are there two bedrooms? Ask your ll if you can move out early.

His friend doesn't want him staying, his bit on the side doesn't want him so now he's trying to weasel his way back in. Every message you reply to makes him believe you're still there if he wants you as a fall back because you're still involved.

Drive him truly nuts by silence. Send him a text from a friends phone telling him you'll take over paying the rent, there's no way he's getting back in and anymore contact will be considered harassment and you'll go to the police. Block his number, stop playing into his drama and completely ignore. Leave him alone to cry over his self destroyed life.

I haven't read all the thread but I think maybe the blonde put the earrings in the bag.

The mate is getting ready to tell you you need to take him back as he is a drunken mess without you etc. He wants you to think he is broken so you'll take him back and it suits his mate as he probably doesn't want him puking on his sofa.

If the fixed term of the tenancy has expired I think that you can give notice to your landlord without your ex having to as well. It's normally 2 months but as you've only got 3 months left it might be easier to wait , It'll save causing more arguments .

You are much better off without him. Minimal contact, sort the flat and car... and then move on with your life without this misogynistic twat who saw you as a walking womb.

You sound brilliant OP!

I hope he doesn't reproduce - we certainly don't need more sons like him!

This is your time to win the Bafta Marilyn. Act your little socks off. You will never ever face such cruelty again. Why? Because when all this has died down, an even stronger, funnier - feisty even? - English woman will emerge, who will not take sh*t from anyone. It will be bloody hard. The end of your dreams with someone always is, but especially when they have been unbelievably vicious. Even your good memories start to seem worthless. So, give nothing of your true feelings away when you have to face this pathetic little worm. You can do it!!

I can leave with a months notice fixed term expired, rolling now until renewal in three months. His friend is a nice man (with a gf people!!) and said 'don't feel you have to take him back' after saying he'll keep him occupied today. I'm not under pressure form that quarter...his mother on the other hand will kick up an absolute shitstorm

his mother on the other hand will kick up an absolute shitstorm

Well he can go and stay with her then.

Agree to not getting involved with the nice mate. It would be a shitty way to treat a bloke who sounds like he's sympathetic to your plight.

If you're meeting dickwad tomorrow OP, might I suggest no booze tonight, absolutely no crying, early night and wake up an hour early for maximum preening. You'll look calm and together whilst he's hungover and looking and smelling like the dregs that nobody wants anymore.

I'm sure his mother will be happy to take him in. Maybe Anna can stay over in his teenage bedroom.

Schnitzel I will absolutely suggest that if (when) she kicks off

Marilyn you are awesome my girl! Love how you've handled this shit. With absolute integrity, dignity and humour to boot. I'm taking note.

if you do leave his stuff in the garden, and it gets ruined, of course he could seek legal damages.

You can't do it. You need to arrange for him/a friend to collect it and keep it safe until he does (with a reasonable say 30 days to collect)

You also can't ban him from his flat that he is on the tennancy on and prevent him entering, no matter what sort of cock he is (unless he is violent and you have a legal injuction).

Can you get in touch with your landlord today to get things officially rolling? It'll take the wind out of Twats sails if he arrives at the flat and finds out the tenancy will be over in 3 months whatever happens.

His mother can shitstorm all she likes when her little darling is kipping on her sofa or in her spare room.
Either you move out or he does- whatever you prefer, but the arsehole doesn't just get to walk back in as if nothing had happened. Talk to the landlord tomorrow. See if he minds you changing the barrel in the door lock if you promise to return the original when you move out.

I don't anyone is seriously suggesting she jump into bed with his friend...

Will inform landlord I am giving notice tomorrow will also inform exp if he wants the flat he will have to cover the rent.

You are sounding calmer and are definitely rising above all his nonsense drama. Well done.

Please when you have sorted this all out do not consider any of the vile and disgusting things that he has said. They are not what he really thinks, he is cornered and fighting his way out, attempting to justify his disgusting behaviour. The remarks are only so foul because they reflect how foul his behaviour has been and that he's realising what a mug he's been.

You're well rid and somewhere down the path will be happiness again.

Great response. He won't. Deliver his stuff to work so he has no reason to come back.

His mother? Tell her he had an affair, forward his texts, tell her he's not a nice man. Not much she can argue with there.

And just want to say you're fab

I do feel so much better the night I found out I just collapsed but everything he's said has made it easier not harder for me

In that case, give your landlord notice in writing on Monday. I think The shelter website have specific info on what options co habitants in this situation each have.

You can send him a link and outline options open to him now that you've already given one month notice on existing tenancy.

I'd plan on moving out asap and just 'sucking up' the last month rent, if you can afford to place a deposit on another place next week.

By the end of this week, when he understands that his comfortable life is in ruins, I wouldn't put it past him to attempt a reconciliation with you...

He will have all his sob story well rehearsed, and many promises of perfect behaviour well polished to give you.

So be ready!!

Yes quite possibly. I'll add to that - 'depression' as the reason for the particularly nasty treatment of you.

You are well rid!!