Mystery earrings

[MarilynMonsoon]

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

Give the girl a break, Couldn't!

Day at a time, Marilyn. Actually, hour at a time. Pace yourself to get through this

Good riddance!

I have just read this whole thread op, you have more class, grace and dignity in your little finger than either your Wanker ex or Miss Russia! Its a shame you can't share his plans for a son of his blood with her! In fact any of his texts since it happened would be eye opening for Miss Russia! No woman with any self respect would want anything to do with a male version of Glenn Close!!! Especially not one who seems only interested in her young fertile womb and treats women like dirt!!!

The only positive about this situation is that he has been so cruel, vile, nasty and pathetic, (in otherwords done such a great job at showing you what an evil, nasty piece of work he is) that when the idiot decides he wants to crawl back to you, you would rather eat broken glass washed down with bleach!

It seems he really actually thought that Miss Russia would welcome him with open arms/ legs. She has given him the cold shoulder and instead of spending the night with Miss Russia he is kipping on his best mates sofa! A mate who seems disgusted by him and will likely kick him out on his arse once he outstays his welcome! Miss Russia was in it for the champagne, the hotel rooms and presents! I bet she thought he owned your flat and that she could move in with him! Instead he turns up homeless at her flat share and she realises he is a loser! I hope that she drops him to the kerb leaving him with a huge credit card bill and living with Mummy or Daddy!

Meanwhile you get to start again, to find a decent loving man, who will treasure you and treat you the way you deserve! There are loads of options for infertility, laser for your endometriosis, ivf, donor eggs, embryo adoption, surrogacy and adoption. You have a lovely best friend and your whole life ahead of you! You have honestly had a lucky escape!!! Good Riddance to bad rubbish! That scumbag wasn't worthy to wipe the shit off your shoes!!!

Please be kind to yourself! Look after you! Take up something new, treat yourself to some new clothes, a nice haircut and a night out with your bf! Cherish yourself!!! And remember, the best revenge is a life well lived!!!

Lucky escape OP. You could have wasted 10 more years with this twat-bellend-tosser

X

But I don't understand, I've known this man, lived with him, for years. This is not him, he's turned into a complete stranger in 24 hours. He was funny, affectionate, cuddly and fond of my cooking, now I'm a tired old bag?!

Marilyn, it does sound like he has realised what a fool he has been and is probably angry at himself (and hopefully disgusted). He will be projecting this onto you as you are so reasonable, you would try to find sense in it, instead of rejecting his ramblings as those of an embarrassed coward. In the 4 1/2 (is that right?) years you were with him, how many times can you remember doing things to make him happy, to make things easier for him, to make him comfortable, to please him, to avoid an argument etc. I bet you have lost count. How many times has he done those things for you? I bet you can count them on the fingers of your Labrador, i.e. none. Are you sure you weren't the funny, cuddly, affectionate one and he just responded to that? And of course he'd love you're cooking, you'll be a great cook, that's not one of his qualities it's yours my girl!

Oh OP, so sorry this is happening to you. He obviously doesn't deserve you

Have you cleaned out the joint account yet?

Wow, he surpasses himself every text.

Tell him all these delightful texts are making it so much easier to get over him as you're realising he's a complete Arsehole. Tell him you'll drop his stuff at work at lunchtime in the canteen so everyone will be there. If he calls you a nasty bitch or whatever tell him you haven't even started, you couldn't give a stuff about his feelings anymore and he can get the police involved if he likes, they'd probably like a good laugh.

And I'm loving Ann Bolynski! That has to be her new name. He can be horrible Henry the wanker.

@MarilynMonsoon omg Anne fucking Berlin I'm dying you're not boring you're hilarious x
I'm sorry about the cheating - my mum would call him a twatticus atticus and I agree. His implication that it's because you can't have a child is disgusting - he wanted to get his rocks off and that is all he just can't admit it to himself. Vile creature.

OP you sound fantastic and way, way out of his league.

What were you thinking, settling for someone like him! You'll look back and feel relieved one day, I promise.

"A mate who seems disgusted by him and will likely kick him out on his arse once he outstays his welcome."

OP better pray not, because he's got as much legal right to the flat she kicked him out of as she does. She needs to end the tenancy agreement WITH him giving at least a month's notice (if she's on a rolling contract) or if he's willing to continue to live in the flat she's kicked him out of, she needs to find a new home fast and get the landlord to write a new tenancy agreement in his name only.

As OP said she couldn't afford the flat on her own, she probably wouldn't pass a credit check on her income alone and doesn't have the option of asking landlord to write a new tenancy agreement with her name only.

I guess OP is actually lucky he's a bit of an idiot and doesn't realise she can't actually just kick him out of his own home. Let's home he stays stupid and doesn't annoy his mate.

Oh and I would seriously try to get some legal advice on removing his belongings. He is legally renting the flat - you can't just remove his things without permission and dump them where you'd like.

Are all cheaters this much of a walking cliche?

No, this one does seem particularly cliched.

You sound amazing OP. You will survive and be strong. I'd like to hang out with you. You sound funny, intelligent, brave and wise. I'm sure your friends value you a lot. I'm going through something similar and my friends have been stunning. And MN - great nest of vipers! 💐

I am speechless at these awful texts he keeps sending you. I've read a lot of stuff on here over the years but this is disgusting. You need to block his number now and get rid of his stuff with your friend. I second the suggestions of sending it to his work, that would be sooooo embarrassing for him!! Also once his stuff is gone it will be a small step to moving on.

How long do you have left on your renting agreement?

I hope you enjoy your new stuff from etsy. I'm forever buying jewellery from there. X

I agree to legal advice before jumping into changing locks as has been suggested. He could use that against you as if you are both legal tenants you can't just put him out.

I know this must feel like you are living a nightmare, but take heart that this will eventually end and you will be at peace. in the meantime, stay off the drink, try and keep your head clear so you make the right choices. The amount of times I went through a breakup and drank through it..... Not a good idea!

Morning all.

Two calls from him last night that I didn't answer, a text that was mostly gibberish. Had a few too many but necked a litre of water so not feeling too shabby! Have enough of my own money that I can find somewhere to live straight away, now I've calmed down I won't be leaving his stuff out, will be contacting my landlord first thing tomorrow though.

Good for you. When he inevitably realises that he's behaved appallingly and tries to come back, please say no.

You deserve far more than this sub standard human.

We had another three months until it was up for renewal, he didn't say anything about the rent while he was leaving I guess he assumed he'd be in Moscow by now

Good for you MarilynMonsoon, I know you're in shock but you're only 32 which is YOUNG and you have every opportunity to make an excellent life for yourself with or without a much better man than this guy.

People cheat etc, but him calling you 'barren' and saying you're not challenging when you're obviously hilarious and as sharp as a whip, is unforgivable.

I never thought I suppressed my personality when we were together but thinking about it I ca. Remember a few times he's upbraided me for being 'too abrasive' or similar when cracking a joke or whatever, but when we were dating he seemed to enjoy that!

Ps, very good idea to contact the landlord. In a few years you'lll be at the bank trying to get a mortgage and sorting this out now will mean your credit check comes back good.

I have to agree with the curious owl, if things had gone how he'd expected them too, he'd be treating you superciliously like an object of pity. The fact that he's being so, so unnecessarily awful shows that he feels out of control with the speed he's on somebody else's sofa.

now I've calmed down I won't be leaving his stuff out,

Back to the point about leaving his stuff out or dropping it at work - have you ever actually said you were planning on doing this? As I can't work out whether you have or whether he is actually getting this info from somewhere else...like on here.

Not sure how it works with leaving before the rental agreement is up, maybe they keep your deposit? I'm not sure. But at least it's not ages left, 3 months could be worse.