Mystery earrings

[MarilynMonsoon]

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

Yeah the legal threat is hilarious A good luck with that! Stick it on your credit card mate. As for the letting yourself go, there's only one thing you need to let go of here!

He's like a kid having a tantrum because I suspect Anna Dropyaknicksky isn't available to come out and play . It's dawning on him what an utter balls up he has made and is lashing out .

You don't recognise him because he's had no reason up until now to show his true colours.

God I wish I'd sacked my ex off at 32, when he showed me who he really was, instead of waiting another decade. I could fucking kick myself for that.

Tell him that he clearly likes 'a challenge' , so you will now be as 'challenging' as you f**ing well like!!

StormTreader absolutely nails it here-

Whenever he says these awful lies to you, he's really saying them to himself.

OP you owe this man nothing, and you will be better off and far happier without him in your life. Yes, of course you'll mourn the relationship you had, that's completely normal, but please don't take any of his projected hatred for himself to your heart. He doesn't mean a word of it, he only hates himself.

You'll be bloody marvellous without him, sooner than you think.

Sorry to repeat myself but the best line of defence for you atm is silence. It will destroy him. Block and ignore.

He's played Russian Roulette with his relationship OP. But it will backfire on him drastically. Bet he's fucking miffed he's sleeping at a mates house

Just thought of something - your ex is miffed that you've kicked him out and he has to stay on a mates sofa for the foreseeable and he can't move in with Miss Russia as she probably doesn't want him but he's too thick to realise that yet. So, I wouldn't put it past him to wait until you are out of the flat at work and for him to move himself and her in, bag up all your things and put them outside for you.

Is it possible you could ask your landlord if you can change the locks at your own personal expense? Tell him/her you fear for your safety.

Let's face it, if you'd been at all 'challenging', he'd now be saying that you were argumentative and it was clear the two of you were growing apart! If the worst characteristic he could find to criticise in your personality, was being 'not challenging', you must be pretty awesome OP [flower] :-)

"Thank goodness he's shown his true colours.
You've not wasted 4 and a half years by being with him. You've gained the rest of your life to find someone who is worthy of you."

I've been thinking of you all day op. I'm do sorry that your oh felt the need to be so cruel in what he said. It disks volumes about him.
You are 32, which is SO YOUNG. I didn't even meet my dh till I was 36. it's all still in front of you, all still to play for. You are in shock , and it hurts like hell, but in a year you will be so glad he showed his true colour.

Please don't question yourself, none of this NONE OF THIS is your fault.

He had totally taken the ground from under your feet, don't let yourself be rushed into any conversations, decisions or contract.

If you feel the urge to contract him, come on here and vent.

He's a fucking shit-gibbon, not fit to clean op's shoes. I hope he gets severe cock rot. People like him make my blood boil. Just urggghh!

His mate sounds lovely and has probably been put in a dodgy situation himself regarding loyalty to his mate vs morals.

Good point @Woobeedoo

He doesn't even think you are a bag.

He hadn't 'checked out', he was well in, he just was also in elsewhere. He's now monumentally fucked off that you've massively inconvenienced and embarrassed him. So he is LIVID.

He didn't mean it about the children thing either; he just knows where to hit you where it hurts. I bet you have commented at some point about getting older or putting on weight (whether you have or haven't, or were speculating about how you'd feel in future if you looked old). He is literally saying whatever he can to hurt you because you spoilt his game. Like a five year old.

The Russian won't have him, and he's shitting it. If she had taken him in, he would be being patronising and supercilious to you. Because she hasn't, he's being irate and vindictive. YAAAWN predictable.

He wants to make you miserable, so you will beg him to come back, and it will stroke his bruised ego. Ain't nobody got time for that shit

There's an army of people here for you OP and I'm pretty sure they'll all join me in hoping his next shit is a porcupine

Hidingtonothing - wish there was a like button. Yes, a million times, yes.

The Owl has it.

He has made a complete and utter fool of himself and he knows it. He's also taking it out on you and talking bullshit. Best thing to win back any control is to block him.
The Russian won't want him. No way.
The children thing is a stick to beat you with and complete bollocks.
Do not answer his texts or if he calls. It will drive him mad.

Been lurking in open-mouthed horror and cheering you on, OP. What an awful man and how shocking for you that he did not show you this side of him before.
I know you are deeply hurt but you will look back on this episode with utter relief that you have not spent one second more of your precious life with a man who hates women like this.
If you need to have a conversation with him about rent/lease/ the car etc, please make sure you have a friend or family member with you.
Love the sense that it is all already unravelling with Miss Russia and that as well as being essentially homeless he is in danger of big trouble at work.

We ought to have a sweepstake on how long it is before he comes crawling back - winner gets a box of chocs and the rest of the proceeds go to the Op to treat herself to something lovely for her new pad .

Your not so DP is a fucking cunt and you are bloody awesome, I have a huge girl crush on you for your Not Fucking Anne Boleyn comment alone. You'll get through this OP, and one day you'll be so glad not to have wasted one more second with this piss poor excuse for a man.

I'd say Owl is spot on. It hasn't gone according to his script and he's livid. Miss Russia hasn't welcomed him with open arms and he's fucked up and is blaming the one person he thinks will forgive him.

You have had your eyes well and truly opened and you've dodged a bullet.

Don't let him worm his way back in for Christs sake.

OP, he hasn't 'changed' - he just did a good job of fooling his friends and you into believing the illusion.

another thought...this might not be the first time he's cheated on you.
not that he will admit that of course....

Sorry you're going through this, OP. It's shit.

Awww, he's just stamping his little feeties because he's realised he's got nowhere warm and wet to park his sad knob. Bless.

Chin up, love.

Owl has it spot on!