Mystery earrings

[MarilynMonsoon]

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

I got a male colleague in a lot of trouble with his dw over a pair of mystery earrings after a Christmas work night out. My dangly sparkly numbers were not a good idea for dancing so as he was the closest person to me on the dance floor that I knew I gave them to him to mind for me. Totally forgot and went home. On Monday in work there was pandemonium with rumours due to his dw calling mutual friends to find out what if anything was going on. There was nothing untoward other than I am a giant tit for forgetting and he is too chivalrous to say erm no actually I'm not going to mind these for you. Thank goodness we eventually got her to see sense. Though he and she tended to give me a wide berth on future nights out.

Of course he doesn't want you taking the stuff to work because the whole sorry story will come out and he will be a laughing stock when people realise Anne bolynski doesn't want to know. You so have to do this.
Poor little Anne Bonkynski

OP you sound amazing and I think you've had a lucky escape.
If you do take his stuff into work, make absolutely sure you take it in at a time when everyone sees what a lowlife he really is.
I bet he's all sweetness and light in front of his work colleagues. He doesn't want his fake halo to slip and expose his true character.

There's no insult bad enough for him, he is a despicable creature.
Sorry your being treated so badly. I truly believe Karmas a bitch though and his nasty ways will come and bite him in the arse.. may take time but it'll happen!
For you Op

But I don't understand, I've known this man, lived with him, for years. This is not him, he's turned into a complete stranger in 24 hours. He was funny, affectionate, cuddly and fond of my cooking, now I'm a tired old bag?!

I wonder if the Russian lovely knows that he sees her mainly as a baby machine ?

this IS Him..... scurrying around trying to control Damage Limitation as fast as humanly possible.... he is projecting the blame for everything onto you... whilst conveniently forgetting to mention he's been knocking off the Russian Bint for 6 months ...

he's in a Blind Panic girlie.... he's in deep pooooh and he knows it x

Sorry should have read the whole thread.

Thanks @MistyMean

Just finished reading the thread. OP, both versions are him. But the version he's showing you now is usually buried under the surface. Clearly he's lashing out because he's been caught, but he's showing himself to be a man who is filled with resentment and quite possibly a deep hatred for women.

He's just trying to make himself feel better by blaming you.

He doesn't want to face the reality that he is actually a cheating lying asshole, so if he can convince himself (and you) that you are boring or whatever he sees that as being justifacation for his dreadful behaviour.

It's all rubbish of course, because it doesn't change the fact that he IS an obnoxious bastard.

You are not a tired old bag. He has had his ego massaged by a man pleaser, and he is weak and thinks he is cock of the walk at the moment. He feels guilty, hence the cruelty (for that is what he was) and making it all about you. I really do hope karma is a bitch, he has it coming to him, and let's hope Svetlana Knickersoff leads him a merry dance.

It is early days, of course you feel worthless, but you are not. You are looking for answers where there may not be any other than he is a knob who has been flattered by somebody who knows how to play the game. You have two choices - know you are going to feel a bit shit for a while but you are best off out of it or you can blame yourself over and over. I would go with the former.

I get the shock of not believing this is him, but it is. He is a lying cheat. It's been going on for months. He hasn't changed in 24 hours at all.

Marilyn the man I lived with for 20 years turned into a complete stranger when he suddenly ran off with his PA 5 years ago. (They're not together anymore, wonder if my divorce settlement which gave me 90% of house and half his pension had anything to do with that? . I'm a lot older than you at 56 and I can tell you now in a year's time it will all be so much better. I live peacefully in my own beautiful home, have a lovely boyfriend and give zero fucks for my ex. Who apparently is about to be sacked from his very well paid job due to his alcoholism . . .

How unnecessarily cruel of him to say he'd wasted years with you!

He thinks he's Brad Pitt now because Anne Boleynski is temporarily playing iwth him.

You're funny, even in a crisis you're very funny and 32 is so so so young. I thought you were going to be about my age (47) and I thought the younger woman would be older than you are! You are so young, do not let this vain idiot make you feel old.

If Anna Boleynski is so fabulous she will NOT be settling for mister average!

Hes trying to convince himself that youre terrible so that he can pretend that what hes done isnt utterly repulsive and that you in some way caused it and he hasnt made a horrible mistake.

Whenever he says these awful lies to you, hes really saying them to himself.

oldfatandtired1 I love a happy ending!

Yeh, his rationalisation is so predictable and unchallenging tell him, yawn, it's chapter one of Dale Carnegie's How to win Friends and Influence people, how nobody ever blames them self for their own wrongdoing. They feel angry at the whistleblower or the person who stayed on a righteous course or the people who were disappointed by their shortcomings.

OP you are as lovely as you've ever been, his behaviour shows him in his true light. (((Hugs))) this has been a terrible shock, but you will look back on this as a lucky break. Some of them keep up the pretence until you are married, then it's a can of worms. Head up, ditch what he's messing up in your head and march off into your future.

Well.
He's an utter ball-bag.

Thank goodness he's shown his true colours.
You've not wasted 4 and a half years by being with him. You've gained the rest of your life to find someone who is worthy of you.

However, the bitch in me would sit and cut holes in every single piece of clothing you have that belongs to him. That'd keep your mind off it for a while

He's saying these these things because he's trying to justify his behaviour. You are none of these. Try not to listen to him. Jekyll and Hyde is a typical abusive pattern. Take a step back and see through what he says

Marilyn - this is not the man I know. No you're right it's not. This is the REAL him - he just didn't reveal this pathetic vile part of himself to you before now. He's selfish, cowardly and nasty - and it's a massive shock for you OP for which I'm so very sorry for you - you sound bloody fab and he needs a kick in the cock. What a nasty nasty bastard he is!

Sadly, this is why some of us who have been through associated types of bullshit like this, have almost given up on trying to find someone normal! How in God's name do you ever know who a person REALLY is? Sadly, sometimes, their true character just comes out of the blue and you think shit, THIS is what this person is really like, not the version he showed me. Been through that epiphany myself (not to do with cheating) but you think shit me, this person is really not who I thought they were - it's beyond disappointing and a lot to get your head round.

You WILL come out of it though you wonderful woman. He really has shown himself as a really horrible vile human being and ultimately, you are well shot of this pig.

He is also lacking in brain cells if he thinks he can initiate legal action for leaving his stuff in the garden.

Enjoy your 30s without him :).