Mystery earrings

[MarilynMonsoon]

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

Of course his friend doesn't know about his burning desire to populate the world with little mini-hims! Because it's all a load of twaddle. He wanted a fling, you found out, he's lashing out to hurt you, your fertility is your weak spot, so the spineless twunt has taken a direct shot at it.

She will no more have his kids than I'll ride to the moon on a unicorn.
She'll have a week or two of swapping champagne dinners for washing his skiddy boxers and cleaning his pubes out of the bath, and dump him.

Then he'll try and crawl back home, tail between his legs. At which point you will have consulted a solicitor and got your ducks in a row.

And you'll tell him to take his little swimmers and sail of into the sunset.

You deserve much better.

You know what I might not be blonde, beautiful and Russian but I once kicked a waxwork in the balls in a fairground horror house and entered a Labrador in a 'guess the weight of the baby' competition so

You sound ace op.
My x husband proved you never really know someone is... bet u wish it wasn't the waxwork who had his balls kicked...

See, you're a total catch!

I feel that what he has said over the last 24 hours is actually far worse than the actual affair. To use the word barren to a woman - any woman, but especially someone you have professed to love - is beyond cruel. That can never be forgiven.

Also, the way he has behaved towards you over the last few months, showing no change in his feelings, demonstrates a depth of deceit that is quite breathtaking. Almost always, women say they just "knew" something had changed before they get to the truth. This guy hasn't an ounce of guilt or remorse, and unless you block him completely, will continue to rip your heart to shreds. Please, please don't let him. You are worth so much more.

OK so she is 27. About the same age as when you met him right?

Now think where this feisty, blonde Russian will be in 5 years...

Stuck with him, not so slim and feisty if sleep deprived and had a couple of kids, knowing he can cheat.

Think where you can be in 5 years with out this cheating sleaze ball.

She doesn't sound so much better now does she really?

She could have been 10 years older and 4 stone heavier. If he wanted to he would still have cheated.

It is him not her.

You are way better than either of them.

and to you @MarilynMonsoon, you sound fabulous!

Your DP is a spiteful, spineless little man who doesn't deserve one second more of your time. Block him on everything, cherish yourself over the next few weeks, surround yourself with people who love you, and come out the other side strong, healthy and happy.

I'm so sorry for what has happened to you OP.

But to use the fact just because she's Russian as a dig against her is a little mean from my point of view. I'm half Russian, and I'm not one of the stereotypes put on here and my aunts, cousins, nieces, daughters, mothers, grandmothers are not visa grabbing, cheating women. Some most are, but please do not use it as a way to discredit her, we all get the brunt of that and we can't get out of stereotypes nowadays.

Oh and did your lab win the baby competition?

OP you sound amazing

He's left you, the person who loved him, for someone who runs around after married men? Someone he has to take out a secret credit card for to put their dinners on. Someone "challenging" when really this probably means someone who he has to really chase because deep down she doesn't give a shit and just likes the extra attention.

Trust me, once she realises it's not all sneaking around having secret champagne dinners she will see him for what he really is.

This is the beginning of the rest of your life.

I'm sorry he's been so unbelievably unkind and cruel Marilyn. What a massive shock, from someone you thought you knew well. Bless you sweetheart

You just can't take this personally. Yes, you will, at least initially, as you grapple with the shock and the loss. But you can't ultimately take such appalling behaviour personally - it's all him, all his shit, all his nastiness and cowardice. Yuk yuk yuk.

Noone deserves this. You definitely don't, on any level. More

A very possible thing is that she's currently thinking, "oh shit. You weren't actually supposed to leave your chuffing girlfriend "

And he won't see her for dust.

I'm not trying to use it as a dig against her sprinkles it's more that she genuinely is beautiful in that mysterious Slavic way if anything it's in her favour

That's exactly it autumn I can't think my way around his level of deception, he never gave the slightest hint things were different, took out this new credit card, our sex life didn't change...it's like realising I've been living with this total impostor

In fact she's so pretty from what I remember I'm surprised she looked twice at him, he's good looking but not in her league at all

She may well have more than one suitor, Marilyn.

And she may not have informed him of this fact.

That is very possible, Hmm. When I was much younger and in a foreign city, I was seeing a number of men (although none were in relationships, AFAIK).

I was playing the field and having a ball. If any of them had tried to pursue a more serious relationship I'd have run a mile. In fact I did.

Marilyn I've seen this many times, it won't last and he'll come crawling back to you (at which point you obviously have had him blocked). You're my age, my dh is 27 - seriously it's not a big age difference at all, no one can even tell there's an age difference between us, and I'm sure no one can tell there's an age difference between you and her. And if she's pretty - who cares, I'm grumpy and ugly af and still pulled a gorgeous man. She doesnt care for him. You entered a bloody Labrador in a baby weighing contest. And that Anne Boleyn joke. You are funny and fucking win at life. If you lived near me I'd kill to be your mate.

Forget her, he's an embarrassment-bullet dodged I reckon!
Don't contact him and don't let him in the house-have you changed the locks ?

No my fur baby did not win. Bloody rigged.

His mate has been in touch 'd' p is staying with him he is collecting some things at 7. What do I say. I reAlly want more info but I can't just interrogate him it would be desperate. But then I am desperate

Have his things bin bagged up and left outside in charity bags

Have a friend there when he (his mate? Or him?) comes to collect. That way you'll have backup if you're tempted to ask for details.

You really don't need them. Not while it's all so raw.

Am tempted

My friend is staying until tomorrow night she will be there