Mystery earrings

[MarilynMonsoon]

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

I've just read this and it's just awful for you.

You are probably in shock at the moment. As someone else said your life has changed so suddenly.

But 32 is young, it really is. You have so much time to do whatever you want to do with your life. Anything is possible for you, you are young enough for this complete life change.

I wish you all the best. He is a total utter cunt of a man. You have had a lucky escape.

By the way, I'm 38 and a (semi) barren (1 DS from ivf) I'm fucking marvellous- do not put yourself down. He's a cunt, so she. That's why they match well together.

only read the first page-

where can you get a candle lit dinner for 2 inc champagne, prawns and steak?

misses point of whole thread

I know it is horrible right now but it is good that you are not married and do not own a house together. It will be relatively easy to extract yourself from this financially.

Small comfort right now but it will make it easier in the future.

You've done nothing wrong. He's the lying, cheating scumbag.

But even his best friend is confused, he's never talked about longing for kids before apparently. I know men don't open up so much so maybe he was just keeping it repressed but even he said something about it doesn't add up.

I hope it was candle lit for her sake hodd so the stupid deluded girl didn't have to look too hard at his shit face

Every time you want to text him post on here instead - this nest of vipers has got your back op

He's wining and dining her with a credit card.

His credit will run out eventually.

Shocked; exactly and then she'll run away!

the Russian will NOT have kids.. she's not going to give up her freedoms and her figure for a quick 6 months roll in the hay and free dinners on a credit card... she's waiting for the BigRichDaddy ...

let him believe she wants him.. it'll last a few more months and she'll move onto to a big pay check...

The barren comments are classic misdirection.

He doesn't want to be the bad guy who followed his knob into an affair.

So, he's come up with the "I wanted kids" narrative in hopes he can shut people up, AND, by choosing something so cruel and fucked up as the reason, he's hoping you'll feel ashamed (or some such rubbish) that your "barrenness" "forced" him to do something so terrible and out of character, so you will cover for him/keep the reason for your split quiet.

Classic "I refuse to be the bad guy" tactics. Cruel, cowardly and heartless.

You'll also probably find that OW has helped him develop this narrative so that she can absolve herself of ethical responsibility. "I can't help he wanted a brood mare, it was just natural that this would happen"

What a callous pair. What he should do is just take accountability that he had his head turned, say sorry, and leave you the fuck alone. Sadly, this kind of misdirection and blame shifting is very common though. Especially in men who maintain an identity as "the good guy". They can't bear to admit they fucked up.

We are both on renting tenancy, car is joint, no joint accounts though thank god,

This and your age are absolutely saving graces. Run away and don't look back. You have so much going for you. I know it doesn't seem like that just now.

You vent whenever you feel like it on MN, Marilyn.

Another large bet from me on her needing marriage to get residence / citizenship, with a side bet on her thinking he's got money (well, look at the evening out he paid for).

She's in for a shock if neither marriage nor money are on offer. He's in for a shock when he realises he's just her meal ticket.

Here's hoping such an outcome will be of some comfort, OP.

I love this nest of vipers, and I love this on-offer boxed wine even though I shouldn't. Best friend here though will have supervision, she'll be calling the shots, literally.

I bet the Russian girl has no idea he longs for children... because it's bollocks.

Wow, how fucking deluded is he?

You have so dodged a bullet there.

And for the love of god, do not put yourself down. You are better than him and all he's doing is hitting out because he's been caught. The power has been snatched away from him and he doesn't like it.

Get rid of him asap and don't look back.

Ha, be interesting to see if we are talking visas here, I've seen this happen more than once. OP, be kind to yourself, this guy clearly was never as fully invested as you thought, if he is now coming out with the nasty stuff, he should at least have a bit of humility and embarrassment, he doesn't and is trying to belittle you, so you have seen the real him and it isn't nice. All dalliances look good when it's candlelit dinners and secretive, it seems 'fun' to those doing it and money doesn't seem to rear it's head , when real life kicks in it loses its charm , but you really dont want to be stuck with someone who can only cope with the honeymoon period

I won't link to it, but I've just read a blinder of a sadface piece in the Mirror about a woman whose hair broke off after bleaching it with Superdrug box colour. Wouldn't it be just awful if this happened to OW?

As others have said, she'll make a tit out of him. Already has, in fact. Even if she does bear him a son she'll fuck off with someone better, leaving him to pay child support for twenty years. She might even fuck off back to Russia.

Oh god OP you poor poor thing

Ok, so this is WAAAAYYYYYY too early for you to contemplate but know this.

Youre not frumpy
You're not old
You didn't deserve this
And you/your fertility and NOT responsible.

Come back fighting from this by believing that:

You're an ace person (your humour is ace it seems)
You're a great catch
And that never again will you put up with any shit

Steel yourself; sounds like he's a weasel, lashing out with hurtful BS comments all cos he got rumbled. You're worth more than this wafer-thin excuse of a man.

He's a dick. Bet he thinks Russian woman is all exotic or something. And if she is as "challenging" as he says she is, then she'll get very bored, very quickly with a cunt of a man with no morals, a nasty mouth, who takes no responsibility for his wrong doings and emotionally abuses women.
Leave them to it. It definitely, definitely won't last. Does she know, that you now know?

"Challenging" will quickly turn into "harping nag" when the sexy affair sheen washes off (basically now).

He's a fucking mug mate.

MUG.

How fucking dare he call you barren

Fucking disgusting.

No real man would ever say that to a woman.

If we end up with a hard Brexit, she'll be better off with a Frenchman or an Italian or something if it's a visa she's after. Not that it will last till 2019 anyway.

And fuck it, here's the Mirror sadface article - purely because it's a beaut.