Mystery earrings

[MarilynMonsoon]

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

And please stop talking yourself down. If she was so great she wouldn't touch an older, married man with a barge pole. She's not good enough to appeal to attractive, single men if she's desperate enough to lower herself to that.

Take care of yourself. Do what makes you happy and feel good. You deserve and will get better. You'll get through this.

Listen to feral 👇* *
Exactly that! Plus he only knows the 'dining out, champagne drinking, man stealing, Russian, fucking other women's men, challenging' kind of girl.
Course she will act challenging - part of the buzz is knowing it's another woman's guy. But once that buzz is gone n he's single (i.e. not with you) reality and normal every day life will begin.
Honeymoon period soon drizzles out and becomes no more.
He doesn't know the real her, not yet.

Christ! He does NOT get to dictate when you have a conversation about the house! Do not meet with him until you are ready

'Please stop with the pathetic projecting. Hitting out with all these silly insults just screams insecurity - no prizes for seeing why you feel that way! You've made your bed, I wish you luck in lying in it. Yes, we need to talk about the house etc. and we will do so, but certainly not until I've had some rest from this nonsense and you've stopped your silly panicking. I'll be in touch re arrangements soon. In the meantime I suggest you get on with enjoying your new and unexpected freedom

^This^

Yup, Hilda - nail on head!

OP, there are very few confident, intelligent, sound young women that end up in the kind of mess that involves an older married man turning up on their doorstep with his bags and a plea to ''HAVE MY BLOOD SON!' after a couple of ill-considered shags on a work trip. Professional? No! Clever? No.

I imagine she is crapping her pants right now and worrying more about her career than anything else and kicking herself for not having the sense to run like the wind. Or if not she will be when he whips out the ovulation kit.

Poor you op. Im sure it wont be long before miss blonde russian fucks off and upgrades once she realises shes lumbered with a complete fucktard. Hes a BASIC BASTARD. x

Please top texting him. I have learnt ignorance is bliss.
If you must text do it in a few days, and only talk about what's important, house etc. Coz twat face and Russian slut are not important. He will be enjoying bitchy texts from you. Don't give him the satisfaction. I think it's too soon to be having any kind of conversation with him tomorrow. You're not ready to face him.

He doesn't get to dictate when you can talk about the house. He's blindsided you with this bombshell and is expecting to be all business talk from here on. Fuck that!

OP deal with the house when you are ready. Leave his stuff outside in bags or give them to someone who is on your side who will pass them on to him so you don't have to see him. And any contact from him can go through a trusted friend who is on your side, via email so you have written confirmation of what you have agreed etc.

If she's so wonderful what does she see in him?

Don't text him . Silence will drive him mad and wonder what's going on .

Give yourself time and take the upper hand , gain control by only talking to him when you're ready. And even if you feel ready , make him wait.

He'll be showing her a fake personality just like he faked being a nice, decent loving man, expertly, for years.

Once she finds out the real him she'll leave him too. And on and on until he ends up lonely and miserable.

God, OP, I'm so sorry he's turned out to be such a fucking prick.

It doesn't matter what this girl is like, she's not a catch if she's the type to have an affair, end of.

Stay strong, you're going to get through this and at some point (maybe sooner that you think) you'll be glad this happened and you got rid of him.

I agree lack of text/contact from you will drive him nuts, silence is by far the best way to go. Even thou your anger will want to rant at him. Take a leaf out of Jenifer anistons book don't react and hold your head up high. Monday morning or when your ready find a good solicitor and let them do the necessary, let your friend keep your phone or block him. Contact with each other will just fuel negative shit slinging. To let off steam write an email as if your telling him everything you want to say.... don't send the email until weeks down the line and finances are sorted.... and let that email be the last contact you ever have with him. He is expecting ranting and upset texts from you so do the complete opposite to what he expects.... this in the long term will show your strength and you will gain the moral high ground. If this Russian and him do have kids (if it lasts that long which is very unlikely) in the future and it doesn't work out the chances are she will move back to where her family is I presume Russia? I've come across this many times where guys have kids with women from other countries... if it goes wrong the kids end up in another country. Silence on your behalf will give you strength!! Xx

I think you need to go no contact with him this weekend.
See legal advice and start divorce proceedings.

Your friend sounds great and hopefully will be a great source of support.

Be so kind to yourself. This actually has nothing to do with your shortcomings and everything to do with his. Do not listen to any of his mutterings. He is saying it as a form of defence against what he's done.

Russian you say? I bet her visa's up for renewal and that's why she's happy to play the lover to your DH. And before anyone accuses me of anything, I know of more than one person who has been swept off their feet by a Russian (both men and women) who were just after visa's.

I'd Be telling him that you won't be granting him a divorce for five years and see how quickly she buggers off into the sunset when there isn't a marriage on the cards....

You poor thing, been through exactly the same and it's horrific, your World falls apart. It'll be of no comfort now but I promise you will get through this and life will get better.

Miss Russian will hang around for all of 5 minutes once she realises she's got what she never wanted. I suspect she has no intention of staying with him or giving him a child. She will have been getting off on the thrill of being wined and dined with a forbidden fruit.

His best mate is coming to get some stuff later, he's actually a great guy and we've always got on, he sounded shocked but was honest that he'd heard DP talking more about some woman at work six months ago but thought it was a crush that would fizzle out.

So he's been after her for sox months, not four. More lies

*Six months. I said she was welcome to him and told him about the infertility jab and he seemed a bit stunned tbh

I'd hit him with a solicitors letter asap (if you feel up to it). It took the wind right out of my exes sails.

all the same though - legal advice is probably required for any joint assets such as house/car.

Yes we are not married discussed a long engagement in the past most recently a couple of weeks ago. Been together four and a half years

We are both on renting tenancy, car is joint, no joint accounts though thank god, I can't believe he took out a new credit card for this