Mystery earrings

[MarilynMonsoon]

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

Sounds like you're well rid, OP.

You must be in shock just now - it has all happened so quickly, your life has changed so abruptly, but you are strong and worth so much more than him!

Be kind to yourself, and take care.

"He wasted important years with someone barren?" Good God - and this is part of his apology? How cruel can you get? He wasted those years for you too - you could have spent them with someone who wasn't barren of decency.

He might think he has the chance of a fulfilled, happy life but he is just as likely to fuck his new life up in the same way because he will always be selfish and cruel - oh, and a cheat.

You are going through your hard time now - I suspect his is still to come.

I'm so sorry . But just remember, you are upset and angry at the moment - this won't last forever . He , however, is a cunt and will be one for the rest of his life .

I didn't stand a chance, she's 27 and blonde and Russian, intelligent...he's average by comparison but so am I, below average.

I'm 32 and frumpy and didn't go to uni

No wonder he was so keen to leave

You've got a very good friend there-eat something and go for a walk if you're up to it, I'm sure you don't feel like it but it will help you a little bit.

Listen, none of that stuff matters with the right person-he is beneath you he really is.

It's got nothing to do with how clever you are - he's on the back foot and lashing out to make himself feel better . Don't compare yourself to this woman , she may be younger etc but she has no moral compass because she's shagging a married man.

I truly believe that if you are a nasty person on the inside , it eventually shows on the outside.

OI pack that in immediately!
So she's young - one day she won't be.
So she's Russian - so what.
Uni isn't the be all and end all either. You have been perfectly 'good enough' until the stupid selfish bastard let his ego run away with him.
She'll reap what she's sown too, did you see the earlier post from someone who's done the same as a 17 year old?

It's all glam and romantic when you're sneaking around drinking champagne, but eventually, the toilet will block, the roof will leak, people are ill, their so called relationship is unlikely to weather any of these practicalities.

Stop questioning yourself.
Stop disrespecting yourself.
Start loving yourself and realising you are worth far far more.

I'm 32 and frumpy and didn't go to uni Being frumpy (I bet you aren't) and not having been to university aren't reasons to betray and insult your partner.
And you can change both those things if you want to, OP - you're only 32.

Well I for one hope he is firing blanks. That'll teach the fucker.

Try and eat something op.

I'm sure this wanker will leave 'not Anne Boleyn' if they have a baby as she's a deficient parent, and he'll turn the screws on her for it being her fault. People that expropriate blame for their bad actions will go through life alleging their mistakes are other people's fault.

exactly what feralberyl said. exactly.

Russian women age badly IME

It's natural and understandable to compare yourself OP but please don't get bogged down in how she's anything you're not. It will all be new and exciting to begin with but no relationship stays like that and there's every chance he will get bored and dissatisfied with her too in time. The fault is with him not you, he has no staying power, no loyalty and no decency and that won't change whoever he is with. She will more than likely find herself exactly where you are at some point (assuming she doesn't dump him first) because this isn't about her being fantastic and you being 'frumpy', it's about him being a faithless bastard. I know it won't feel like it to you right now but you are better off without him and it's better that you found out now what kind of man he is, before you waste any more time on him. Give yourself time to heal, lick your wounds and then start working out what you need in life to make you happy. There's a shiny new life out there for you but I suspect he will repeat this pattern over and over and will never be truly happy. You know where we are if you need us

I text saying I know who she is, he text back saying if I go anywhere near her they'll have me arrested for harassment! I said I didn't want to be within 100 miles of either of them, apparently I am bitter because she's younger and prettier and I have let myself go. he wants to pick up a few more things tomorrow, friend says I should say no but he wants to talk about the house and I know I need to have that conversation I'm just not up to it yet

Young, Russian, intelligent?

She sounds more like someone possibly too young not to be a bit dim about getting mixed up with dodgy married men when she's supposed to be at work to be honest!!!

OP - forget about her. It certainly won't last. In fact everything you say about the whole situation makes the most likely scenario to be him crawling back after a few months of failing to find a willing rent-a-womb, being knocked back on the dating scene and realising to his horror that no, very few women will be interested in becoming a parent with him without, you know, a few years of getting to know you first.

I'm not even convinced of the baby thing to be honest. The truth is posibly far more mundane- unfaithful low-calibre man takes opportunity to cheat. The end.

You are definitely better off without him. She is too, if she's very young she'll move on soon enough (or at least as soon as she grows up enough to get her act together). He's in for the rougher ride here methinks...

She probably won't stick around if he's using her as a breeding machine .

Leave his stuff on the doorstep . You are under no obligation to discuss anything with him until you're ready.

I wouldnt feel intimated by this woman. She was shagging a man who wasnt available to be shagging. She's either stupid or just horrible.

Be ready for he comes crawling back when she's sick of him though.

Yeah don't do it until you've regained the mental upper hand. You're 32 - anything is possible, you have the rest of your life. He sounds like a vile person and you're well shot of him. Sounds to me as though he's picked away at your self esteem over time as he's behaved worse and worse.

Have his stuff outside the door and send one message to say what time it will be put out at. Don't say anything else. Then block him on his phone and social media. Don't engage with him at all. You can discuss this house when you're ready but not until you've decided what you want to do and spoken to a solicitor.

Ghosting is the most effective way of dealing with him now. It saves your dignity and allows you space. It will drive him nuts that you've taken control.

Text back:

'Please stop with the pathetic projecting. Hitting out with all these silly insults just screams insecurity - no prizes for seeing why you feel that way! You've made your bed, I wish you luck in lying in it. Yes, we need to talk about the house etc. and we will do so, but certainly not until I've had some rest from this nonsense and you've stopped your silly panicking. I'll be in touch re arrangements soon. In the meantime I suggest you get on with enjoying your new and unexpected freedom :)