Mystery earrings

[MarilynMonsoon]

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

I know it's better that it just exploded but part of me is devastated he didn't put up a fight or try to deny anything, he saw the earrings and tried to bluster but as soon as I pulled out the receipts he fell apart even though he was fuming I'd been snooping, I think he was relieved actually

I would trust you're gut on this one, what you feel rather than what you what to feel, if you know what I mean.

I can quite understand why you don't want to raise this with him and how you don't want to appear to mistrust him, but at the same time are worried. Could you just wash the washbag and leave all the contents of it out, including the earrings and see if he mentions them? I know this is a bit of a wimp-out, but it avoids a confrontation that you might not need.

It could be the worst. But it could be innocent. If your DP's personality and your relationship is such that it makes it very unlikely that there is another woman, there could be several reasons. For example, he could have found them in the bathroom and put them in there rather than take them straight to reception (as suggested earlier). He could put them in his pocket for someone and forgotten to give them back so stored them for later. I know I sound naive, but I have had people cheat on me, so I have seen the signs. If he has done something wrong, he is either an amateur at this, trying to tell you, or stupid. If he hasn't, the worst he is is absent minded! Good luck either way, hope you sort it out soon.

@CharlieBB22. I politely suggest you read the full thread. There is also a way in settings so that the OPs posts are highlighted.

Oh sweetheart
I'm so sorry. The stupid horrible cunt is making things smoother for you to stay strong by still trying to apportion blame on you wrt your fertility.
This is (although hard to see yet) a Good Thing.
You would have wasted many years of your life with someone who secretly didn't see you as the fabulous person you are.
Try to eat and drink if you can today, don't send your mate home - make some lists, don't dwell, you could not have prevented this outcome in any way.

Oh my god, so sorry. I realised I thought the thread was only 2 pages long when I posted then after I posted, saw all the other messages. Then saw yours, FastAbsorbingCake. How tactless, so sorry MarilynMonsoon.

BF has gone out to get us some picnic lunch things, mostly just feel sick, probably last night's enormous bender. So glad she was here she took my phone so I couldn't text him when I was wasted last night.

I still don't believe he's the same person I've lived with for years, it's so out of character

Your friend sound amazing and just what you need right now. Keep venting, it will help.

(Now I have read everything thoroughly). Please don't ever blame yourself for not being able to conceive, I would imagine it is more of a heartache to you then anyone else. Sorry to shout but IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. We can tell by your posts that your are interesting, kind and challenging. Your husband is just trying to excuse his behaviour. The way he describes the girl, makes her sound like a high maintenance, argumentative crow to me. You're better than even thinking about him or her. Time to think about you and how great you are.

Well.

I'm sure I'm not the only one thinking how ironic this is. I almost (almost... not quite) feel a little sorry for him.

A man who thinks his best route to 'a fulfilled happy life' which includes children is to lie to his wife about fundamentally important things (if he wasn't up for adoption and definitely wanted kids, those things needed to be said) and then to have an affair.

Poor bastard, really. It goes without saying that a man who takes this route to 'happiness' doesn't even have a clue how that kind of happiness works. And likely never will. Untrustworthy, cheating, lying cruel people don't end up with 'happy fulfilled lives' with adoring kids. They end up with strings of broken relationships because they don't understand that happiness comes from caring about your loved ones more than yourself, and having their happiness as a priority. They end up seeing their kids on the weekend because they don't compute that when times are hard, you don't run off and fuck someone else. They end up with distant relationships with their adult children because they can't be honest with themselves or their families.

You're better off away from him and ironically, getting shot probably means you now have a better chance yourself of a family (you said you'd be happy to consider adoption) without him. Well done.

As for his comments on his infidelity, sounds like the shit will hit the fan there even sooner than it usually does. So he's shagged some woman and she's yet to learn that a major incentive for that was her young womb that can 'give him a son'? I've rarely heard anything so bloody creepy and once she realises I'm sure she'll be off like a fucking shot! Um. No. Just no. Wow. I'm trying to be polite when I say that I think he is going to find himself up shit creek here. If he's now going to be on a mission to find someone to 'give him a son of his blood' (WOW again!) he's going to be in for some tricky times. Let's just say that the majority of 'younger women' are going to run a mile when that becomes clear from date 3, the slightly older man they have started seeing bascially wants them for babymaking. And any woman with a similar agenda is going to want (unless she is utterly bonkers) some kind of relationship building up over a couple of years at least before they have a family... If not, chances are probably about 90% that they'll split anyway and he'll be a weekend dad, if a dad at all... I could go on!

Like I said, the irony here is that all this means is that you now have a better chance of becoming a parent than he does, probably.

What a twat.

I'm so sorry that you have had this happen to you op, what a cockwomble! Hope your friend is keeping your spirits up and just remember to look after yourself. Don't let him upset you any more

It's breaking me that he didn't even try to stay or fight, just slunk out the door with a gym bag full of clothes. Four months of lying and sneaking around with this woman behind my back and I had no idea, just stupid and clueless as always.

Not stupid or clueless.

Just with standards, and integrity. You didn't believe he'd do something like this because you wouldn't do it to him.

I'd rather be you, with your lack of mistrust and your positive outlook, one million times over!

I'd be so tempted to pee on the remaining clothes.
Truly horrified at his pathetic attempt to blame your health for his conduct. TOtal prick. (please p*ss on his belongings. especially unplugged electricals)

He didn't cheat because you can't give him a son. He cheated because he wanted a shag on the side. He'd already have left if that were the case - he wouldn't have waited until you found out.

The "you can't give me a son" stuff is just his way of making you responsible for his shagging. Can't even take responsibility for it - the pathetic loser.

Let's hope he and the OW have as long and successful a relationship as Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn did.

Love it Jam

And the card he used is a new credit card he's got in the last couple of months, so dinners and things he's taken her on wouldn't show up on his normal statement, this isn't the man I've been living with, this is like another personality

It doesn't mean you're stupid! He's stupid for thinking he could have his cake and eat it or whatever the hell he thought he was doing.

He's pretending to be "pleased" it's in the open - blatantly not true. He's lost everything and trying to save face.

He was in control. Now he isn't and he feels angry, guilty, small, wrong, bereft, helpless but also sounds like an arrogant tosser so will bluster and throw cruel untrue jibes at you.

He has text this morning saying he is so sorry but he feels he has wasted important years with someone barren and has a chance at a fulfilled happy life now it's out in the open

I wouldn't laugh at all if he found out he was infertile, oh no I wouldn't

OP make sure you keep those texts from him, you can use them with your solicitor.

I really really feel for you. I'm so shocked that he had the audacity to blame it on you. How utterly hurtful and cuntish.

Friend has been digging getting lunch, we know who she is, apparently a couple of people in our group 'suspected' - how can they have suspected?? I lived with him and I had the fucking wool pulled over my eyes

I've even met her

Oh OP you shouldn't blame yourself. You've done nothing wrong. If he felt that way he should have been man enough to speak to you about how he was feeling instead of being a coward and cheating on you. You are so much better off without him. Treat this as a blessing in disguise because one day someone will walk into your life, completely blow you off your feet and love you for you no matter what. And your ex will be a distant shadow.

Oh what a bastard! It was bad enough saying that in anger last night, but to continue banging on about it today is unbelievably insensitive. It's kind of ok to change his mind and decide that having children is important to him, but he should have left in a decent way, not slunk around lying and cheating for months. He has no excuse at all. I'd love you to text him back and say he's already trashed your world by his cheating and lying, you've already come to the conclusion he is a cunt so there's no need to rub it in by wittering on about your infertility. Tell him to get some class, brains and manners!