Mystery earrings

[MarilynMonsoon]

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

If the problem was infertility then he would have left you for that. He cheated because he wanted to and he could. He would still have cheated if you had kids with him or were pregnant, he just would have had a different excuse.

He has text this morning saying he is so sorry but he feels he has wasted important years with someone barren and has a chance at a fulfilled happy life now it's out in the open

I don't know Hilda I'm so mixed up, maybe it is partly my fault but I wish he'd said something earlier if it was bothering him so much, he's always been brilliant with kids and I have felt bad in the past being unable to give him that

Im sorry this has happened, glad you have someone with you.

What a cock he is.

So he's pleased it's out in the open but it never occurred to him to tell you IF he was unhappy

I assume you replied that you're sorry too that you wasted years with a dickhead and feel happier now he's fucked off?

The scumbag! He could have done the kindest thing and told you early on it would be a big issue for him. Not wed you then leave you for some floozy

What an utter cunt to do this and send this text is morning....what a lily livered , flakey excuse for a man....bless your heart, am thinking of you....you sound like the sort of person I'd be delighted and proud to know in real life.....and the OW won't want him...no siree.....she knows he's capable of cheating without a backward glance, don't imagine she will want/ trust that piece of shit for very long.....take care and keep plodding on xxx

Marilyn just wanted to add my voice to everyone else's and say I'm thinking of you and really wish this dreadful thing hadn't happened to you. I was in a similar position many years ago and still remember how sick to the stomach I felt. He is an arsehole of the highest order. I cannot believe he used your childlessness as a hurtful, pathetic excuse for his shitty behaviour. This is entirely his fault and his doing. Please remember that. Things will get better and you deserve to meet someone worthy of you. He isn't. Bug hug.

He's a nasty little man to treat you like this. You deserve so much better. That text message was uncalled for. Please don't see it as any reflection on you. It isn't.

I can't believe he is still using your infertility as an excuse. Why could he just say he's sorry and that he's behaved appallingly. Why keep 'justifying' with his pathetic excuse? The gutless fucking wonder.

Get angry op. And use it.

So very sorry to hear all of this.

Quite obviously he isn't the man you thought he was. As a PP said, you've wasted good years with someone who wasn't worthy of you. A less shallow man would have stuck by you and looked at other options. Better to know now.

Does the OW know that she is effectively a 'womb on legs'? In her shoes I'd be very concerned about someone who leaves their partner for that sort of reason. You could never trust them to be there if the going gets tough.

When all the anguish has faded you might reflect on what a lucky escape you've had.

and for later if you can face it. X

What a bastard, he's just saying crap like that to justify his shitty behaviour to himself.

Jesus christ, he actually said that?! I am fuming on your behalf OP!

Keep his messages, don't reply to any and book an appointment with a solicitor first thing Monday. Use the weekend to get all the info you will need together ref finances, the house etc.

I think he is a dinosaur. The word he used "barren"! Yuck! He appears to be "barren" of morals! Keep going OP! X

He's a dick! It won't last with rent-a-womb, he'll get fed up with constantly being challenged by her. It's all part of the buzz for now but will eventually lead to arguing.

Garrr he's making me feel fucking angry and I don't even know him. Twat!!!

Someone who would treat his partner this way doesn't deserve children. I hope it turns out he can't have them.

Nasty selfish fucker.

The decent thing would have been to tell you it was a deal breaker. Even though that would hurt like hell it is respectful.

To go around dipping his cock until he found an idiot to take him on is disgusting.

Is other woman already pregnant? Or has kids? Does she even want them!

Would laugh my arse off if she can't/won't provide him with them either (not for her obviously)!

Never forget it is his 'excuse' not his reason. He had to make it your fault to make himself and OW feel better about being dirty sleazy cheats. Which is all they are at the end of the day.

And yes you will also need to get a complete STI check done.

As my friend would say "fuck him, fuck him with clown shoes"

As others have said, it is you who have wasted years with him. He lied and used you and him playing the "womb card" just shows the shallow shit that he is.

To think his sperm is so special?? Ha! It ain't mate. And neither are you.

If he thinks the OW is going to give up her life style be his rent of womb he is going to get a bloody shock.

He is just a fuck buddy IMO and she will run for the hills.

Just focus on yourself and getting past this. for you and a flaming spiky bush up the arse for him.

So glad you have your mate there with you. Xxxx

But he chose to continue the relationship and stay with you, knowing full well what your fertility circumstances were. He should have been straight with you long ago and should have ended the relationship. You would of had more respect for him than you do now. Respect for him is zero now.
I don't think he had the balls to have that conversation with you.
Unfortunately tho guys don't always do what's morally right do they?
I can only imagine how your feeling today. Will feel like your in another world and that it isn't real. I don't wish that feeling upon anyone. You need to not text him back. That way it will make him think about you, wondering if your ok etc. But I wonder if he gives a shit.
Take it easy today, and one day at a time.

Oh Sweetheart, he really is lower than a snakes belly isn't he.

You hang on to that anger. That and contempt are the only emotions he deserves.

what an utter shit to throw that in your face

so sorry you're going through this op

Just read the whole thread.

So sorry he's such a shit lass.

Fuck him and anyone who looks like him.

I'm absolutely howling at the Anne Boleyn comment

But you deserve so much better, someone who can appreciate your beautiful humour

Barren! Omg, do people still use that word?