H has taken son away

[ElCorazin]

My (d)h had taken my son away without my consent. As he (h) is working a night shift he has taken him to stay with a school friend. I called said school friend's mother and she refused to discuss with me.

My h is controlling and emotionally abuse even and uses DS to threaten me. I am unwell with depression and taking medication, my depression (made a whole lot worse by dreadful relationship and lack of support).

H says to me that I am 'unfit' to look after DS and he has now done this. The reason being I have been in bed and crying today and more or less begging him to show me some love & support, to no avail.

Surely this woman cannot hold my son against my wishes? God only knows what tale H spun her about my so called 'mental illness'... he also told me he called mental health services to 'get me help' earlier.

He does this in a threatening and menacing way, not out of any genuine care for me. He stands over me and shouts 2 in from my face YOU. NEED. HELP.

I'm scared and utterly desperate that he's taken my son away and humiliated he's involved a school family like this.

I have called the police & am waiting for them to contact me. I have never invoked and services before but feel he has crossed a red line now

Good morning OP. You probably didn't sleep but things may still start to look a little clearer in the daytime. Think of last night as one battle in what is clearly going to be a longer war. You need to get fighting fit because at the moment your depression and anxiety can (& will) be used against you.
It is (much) easier said than done but you need to try to present an outwardly calm and measured response to your h's actions. You obviously need RL support and I would think that experts such as Women's Aid would be the best place to start.
However much he tries, do not let your h provoke you into behaviour that could be presented as irrational, erratic or detrimental to your ds because he clearly will if he can. Whatever you do, do it calmly. (& I do know that's a substantial challenge). Good luck.

Hey OP- hope you're ok, please ignore all the rubbish aimed at you. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of, extremely common and doesn't mean you are mentally unstable and can't look after your child. It sounds like you're doing your best in a difficult situation.
Your 'D'H however- you described him as abusive, gas lighting and unsupportive. Taking your son to this women's house sounds like a typical move by him to undermine you, make you question yourself and also create a public impression that he is just looking out for his child whilst making you out to be incompetent. Twat. Don't be too hard on the woman whom your son's with as she's probably swallowed his lies.
There's great advice on this thread amongst the nastiness- do call Women's aid etc. There is help out there.
I believe you

The Op is ill and her husbands idea of support is to scream in her face and call her down, but she is the problem? FFS, what happened to support on MN?!
I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this. FFS people, I know this is AIBU but can't you find some empathy for OP here? I'm actually shocked how many have piled in to kick her while she's down. Heartless whatsits, they quite frankly sicken me.

The woman wont even talk to the OP on the phone or admit that her son is there, so the OP turning up on the doorstep isnt going to achieve anything
Exactly! OP has clearly mentioned this but still people are telling her to go round there. Why?

Whao, Bleugh, what a horrible PM. That is one of the nastiest things I've seen in a long time
I don't think it's any nastier than the general vibe on here that says OP is a hysterical and unfit mother who needs to get a grip, when she's with a man who shouts 2" from her face when she's depressed and we since know is emotionally and financially abusive. Norland was completely out of order to have posted a PRIVATE message on here; if she didn't like it she should've contacted HQ

ElCorazin I hope things are better this morning It might be better if you report your thread and ask for it to be moved to relationships as, despite it's flaws at times, it doesn't tend to kick people when they're down unlike AIBU. They can also give advice on how to deal with your relationship, ie how to get out of it should you wish. Having you husband shouting in your face when you're unwell is hardly going to improve your mental health is it.

Monkeyface makes an excellent point about behaviour, don't let him provoke you!

AIBU brings out the most vile characteristics in some posters, they seem to see it as a green light to dump the cruelest and most spiteful aspects of their personalities on the OP.
I'm disgusted at the nasty replies you've received here OP, contact MNHQ and ask for this to be moved to relationships, you'll get far more support there I believe.
I will never understand people who see a vulnerable person and the first instinct is to react with cruelty and unkindness absolutely abhorrent.
Hoping you're ok this morning OP and feeling a bit stronger and able to take on some of the kinder advice you've received on here.
All the best to you and your DS.

Hello ElCorazin, I hope you got some sleep last night and are feeling better. So sorry to see what a kicking you got on here last night, some people should be feeling ashamed of themselves.

So glad to see you've reported your husband's behaviour to the police. I also agree with pp who suggested contacting Women's Aid today. Try the local number, you'll find it online, as the national line is very busy.

I had terrible depression and even suicidal thoughts when I was married to my abusive ex. He too would scream abuse in my face and accuse me of being "mental".

Once he left the depression and suicidal thoughts left too.

Get this thread moved to Relationships which is supportive and knowledgable. Look after yourself, you're doing the right things.

Hope you managed some sleep op and have now retrieved your ds. When is h due back, can you call Women's Aid today? Or your gp. Your depression is no excuse to remove your child against your and his will. I wonder if there is more to this "friend" too.

Thank you to posters this morning. I am going to see my GP this morning.

Please can someone ask for the thread to be moved- I don't know how to do it and can't see the link (using phone).

Wow I read this whole thread and it's a rollercoaster.

OP I feel for you massively, that was a shitty thing for your hopefully soon to be ex husband to do. I think you need to not place blame on the other mother you don't know what she was told to enable this.

I think it was a deeply emotional event and you didn't communicate it all the best. It's hard when you feel like your being attacked on all sides. Call women's aid and get some help so you know you have back up when things get overwhelming.

And you don't need him to tell you your loved. It wouldn't matter even if he did. You just need to be able to look in the mirror and tell yourself your loved.

You need help that's clear, both dealing with your relationship or hopefully the end of it, maybe some coping mechanisms to help you continue to put your child first always and next time post in relationships x

What an awful derail this thread took. OP

Thinking if you OP. A truly horrible situation, so glad you're reaching out for support. Your H sounds incredibly abusive

I was just about to suggest going to your GP, so that you can get some support. So pleased to hear that.

FWIW I am not proud of it, but I did shout at my husband to get help one time, but it sounds like your situation isn't the same, you are going to your GP, and the financial abuse makes it sound different too.

I hope you can get the help you need and that your son is ok. I think calling the police wasn't the wrong thing to do, they can always do a safe and well check, especially as the woman wouldn't tell you if he was there.

Take care. I will ask for the thread to be moved for you.

It's hard to work out the real situation from what you say. However, I think that reporting to the police was absolutely the right thing to do as a third party needed to intervene. Hopefully the woman not letting you collect your child will realise now that she absolutely did not have the right to do this.
I think you need help to separate from your H too. Regardless of what is happening, this is not a healthy situation for your child.

I've asked MNHQ to move this for you OP.

Op hope you're ok this morning. It sounds like an awful situation and I'm not surprised you are very upset, confused and angry. From your account it does read like emotional and financial abuse with a level of control thrown into the mix. I'm glad you are going to see your doctor today, might be a good idea to speak to women's aid too. They can offer lots of support.

I hope you got your DS this morning OP. Getting away from your H seems like the right course of action.

OP, I hope you feel a bit better today and you get the strength to fight for your boy and LTB.

The downside to posting on MN is other posters literally only have the information you provide to go off, hence some of the original replies. You and your son need to get away from this man, after you have spoken to GP do you think it's worth contacting women's aid for advice?

I wish you all the luck in the world!

If at all possible you need to remain calm and methodical, at present you are in the realms of your words against his. I spent many a night at family and neighbours whilst my mother was ill, my dad could of easily had my mother removed or me removed from her as all the evidence was on his side. The reality was yes my mother was ill but my dad was self medicating with alcohol which at the time had the biggest impact on my life. Take care

Am glad you are seeing your GP, I have depression and it's awful sometimes. I suspect yours will improve dramatically once you have broken away from your husband. Be aware that initially you might feels worse because of the upheaval and also expect your husband to use your depression against you and call you an unfit parent. Stay calm, document everything. They won't remove your child from you for depression. I have a friend virtually housebound due to her depression and nobody has ever removed her children despite the behaviour of her exH in trying to,paint her as unstable.

Just document all interaction, keep all abusive texts and build up a dossier of evidence to show how he behaves.

for you. How dare he take your child elsewhere without even discussing it with you or telling you where. And yes he has probably told this other woman a whole pack of lies which she has believed.

Just thank her for caring for your DS overnight and tell her it won't be necessary in future. Walk away with your head held high,

OP some of the posts last night were heartless and downright ugly.

Staying in bed all day crying (even though OP clearly stated it wasnt actually all day!) When your son is not in the house is NOT an indication that you are an unfit parent

I sufferfrom depression and anxiety but am able to care for my son 100% as im sure you are

I agree with others that your h will try and use this against you in a custody battle but he would need evidence that you are incapable of caring for your son/putting him in danget due to your mental health to gain sway with any judge worth their salt.

If i were you i would start making a list of professionals who could support your claim that you are a capable parent e.g. teacher, doctor etc

Please let us know if you get your son back today and what your gp says xx

What are you plans now Op? Does your husband know that you have reported his abuse? Are you in a safe place?

Hope everything is a bit better this morning. It is good that you are going to see your GP. You do need some support. Your 'D' H sounds very unhelpful to say the least. The situation cannot continue like this as it is not good for any of you.
I am not surprised you are suffering with depression stuck in a relationship like this.

I've not read everyone's posts but I know some have missed the underlying issues here. YANU

It reads as though you've done everything you can to get the right support for yourself. Did the right thing by calling the police and reporting him.

Domestic abuse is awful. I've been there and come through the other side. I'm one of the few that worked with h through counselling to combat it. I chose to stay when I could have easily walked away. It's an illness that needs help because it doesn't go away on its own. I figured if I left him, he'd still be the same with someone else and I always pick the man that has issues.

So, if you can and you want to stay with h, think about convincing him to get some help... otherwise you'll never get better and your son will be impacted.

You come across as a strong, beautiful confident woman. I hope you see light at the end of all of this. X

OP I wish I'd popped onto MN last night, to offer you some support. What an awful situation, YANBU. I hope things are a little better for you this morning. I'm sorry you've had so many negative posts. Your 'D'H is abusive, and manipulative, and this is not ok. Well done for seeing the GP, I really hope that they can also offer you some support with the abuse you are receiving as well as supporting your mental health. Please do update us OP