Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

H has taken son away

243 replies

ElCorazin · 18/06/2017 23:09

My (d)h had taken my son away without my consent. As he (h) is working a night shift he has taken him to stay with a school friend. I called said school friend's mother and she refused to discuss with me.

My h is controlling and emotionally abuse even and uses DS to threaten me. I am unwell with depression and taking medication, my depression (made a whole lot worse by dreadful relationship and lack of support).

H says to me that I am 'unfit' to look after DS and he has now done this. The reason being I have been in bed and crying today and more or less begging him to show me some love & support, to no avail.

Surely this woman cannot hold my son against my wishes? God only knows what tale H spun her about my so called 'mental illness'... he also told me he called mental health services to 'get me help' earlier.

He does this in a threatening and menacing way, not out of any genuine care for me. He stands over me and shouts 2 in from my face YOU. NEED. HELP.

I'm scared and utterly desperate that he's taken my son away and humiliated he's involved a school family like this.

I have called the police & am waiting for them to contact me. I have never invoked and services before but feel he has crossed a red line now Sad

OP posts:
Bleurghghghgh · 19/06/2017 02:24

I PMed OP this argument is unnecessary,

DeadGood · 19/06/2017 02:31

Best of luck in the morning, OP.
Once you are home from the school run, perhaps gathering important documents would be a good idea. It seems as though a call to Womens Aid might be helpful, in case you want to make plans to leave your husband.
Wishing you and your lovely son all the very best xx

Ginger782 · 19/06/2017 02:35

Bleurghghghgh: I regularly neck a handful of meds to calm myself ....

Should....should you be giving other people advice..... Confused

IAmNotAWitch · 19/06/2017 02:36

Gently does it when you pick him up in the morning OP.

Remember the other mum is probably just trying to keep your DS safe, as are you.

She has done what many people would do in the situation. Your DS IS safe, he will have had a sleep and probably breakfast.

Try to keep it all calm in front of your DS so he isn't too worried as he goes off to school.

FlossyMooToo · 19/06/2017 06:43

Morning OP I hope you managed to get some rest?

I am sorry the police took so long but at least you know he is safe.

Maybe when you have dropped him at school you could start putting things in place for your own support?

WA and your GP would be good places to start. Talk to your GP about the abuse if you feel able.

Do you think you could talk to your parents? Maybe you and your son can stay with them?

I really hope you can start to make some changes as your MH will probably improve once you are free from the abuse.

Ginorchoc · 19/06/2017 06:53

Just wanted to wish you well this morning. I hope things improve for you.

youarenotkiddingme · 19/06/2017 06:54

Good luck getting your ds this morning.

After that I suggest you ring woman's aid and get some advice about how you can both get the hell out of there.

MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 19/06/2017 07:08

Hope you and ds are ok this morning.
my mental health improved tremendously when I got rid of abusive exH Flowers

NavyandWhite · 19/06/2017 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparklyMagpie · 19/06/2017 07:14

Good luck this morning OP

OnionKnight · 19/06/2017 07:17

I can't believe what I have just read from certain posters.

Good luck for this morning OP.

Alfieisnoisy · 19/06/2017 07:27

I hope you had as restful a night as possible OP and that you can begin to break away from your abusive husband this morning, talk to Women's Aid urgently.

missyB1 · 19/06/2017 07:32

Good luck OP, sorry some of the MN witches were at it last night. Hope you get your ds back today and find a way to leave the abusive husband.

stargazer2030 · 19/06/2017 07:35

Good luck this morning op. I can't believe some of the things other posters have said - truly awful.
Try and stay as calm as possible with the other mum as you don't want to play into H'so hands - you don't know what he has said to her.

Agree with what others have said- start making plans to get away.

rwalker · 19/06/2017 07:41

Think everyone should keep out of this and service should be involved to deal as they will have full facts. People with mh and depression issue are often in denial about how ill there are to be in bed crying all day sound like you are in need of professional help and support to get well again .Living with someone who is unwell can be very very hard as you become the focus of all there problems and every one has there limits .Did anyone think he might just want his son to be safe rather than he's being a twat . we don't have the full story and both sides of this telling people what they want to hear when they are clearly unwell is not helpful. please don't taking of the above as criticism ,what this has done is brought it all to a head so you can now go forward with revenant help good luck and take care

DartmoorDoughnut · 19/06/2017 07:41

Fucking hell there are some lovely people on here in the middle of the night!

Hope you're ok OP and that you collect your son with no dramas and find a way to leave your H

Casschops · 19/06/2017 07:44

Whosthwmummynow- that was totally unnecessary and snappy. OP is clearly desperate to get her son back. I know there is not much detail and we have to take some things as face value but if somebody was holding my child we refusing to answer the phone I would be worried to death. OP may have genuine concern about the care that this other person can provide no need for nastiness.

Butterymuffin · 19/06/2017 07:50

Hope you've got him back now OP.

muckypup73 · 19/06/2017 08:01

I think we are only hearing one side of the story here the statement "you need help!" speaks voulmes, maybe its you and not him? unfortunately I cannot say anything more because I only have your side of the story. Maybe you do need help.

diodati · 19/06/2017 08:03

No more begging and crying, ElCorazin! Time to get that depression treated and get rid of your H. Abusive piece of sh#t!

Calling the police was probably not the calmest or wisest way of dealing with this situation but once the fuss has died down, get a solicitor. Say nothing to H nor to your son; if you want custody, you must show yourself to be acting in his best interests, which is keeping things as calm as possible so as not to upset him. It's hard to do when you're a victim of abuse but cold, decisive and swift action is the best way to get the upper hand.

WizardOfToss · 19/06/2017 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Supersoaryflappypigeon · 19/06/2017 08:11

Reported this thread. Some absolutely appalling posts. Hope you've managed to get some sleep op and that your son is on his way to school with you now.

WellErrr · 19/06/2017 08:17

What an absolutely horrible thread. I'm so sorry for the responses you've had OP Flowers

It's really no wonder that people don't seek help for MH issues, with attitudes like the ones on this thread.

ZefStar · 19/06/2017 08:20

El, if you're still here then best of luck for today.
I'm very glad you've reported your husbands abuse to the police and I hope you can find the strength to leave him. I think your depression will improve dramatically once he's gone.
And don't believe him when he inevitably tells you that he'll get custody of your son, all emotional abusers love to trot that line out.

AfunaMbatata · 19/06/2017 08:21

Hope you're ok op Flowers