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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

H has taken son away

243 replies

ElCorazin · 18/06/2017 23:09

My (d)h had taken my son away without my consent. As he (h) is working a night shift he has taken him to stay with a school friend. I called said school friend's mother and she refused to discuss with me.

My h is controlling and emotionally abuse even and uses DS to threaten me. I am unwell with depression and taking medication, my depression (made a whole lot worse by dreadful relationship and lack of support).

H says to me that I am 'unfit' to look after DS and he has now done this. The reason being I have been in bed and crying today and more or less begging him to show me some love & support, to no avail.

Surely this woman cannot hold my son against my wishes? God only knows what tale H spun her about my so called 'mental illness'... he also told me he called mental health services to 'get me help' earlier.

He does this in a threatening and menacing way, not out of any genuine care for me. He stands over me and shouts 2 in from my face YOU. NEED. HELP.

I'm scared and utterly desperate that he's taken my son away and humiliated he's involved a school family like this.

I have called the police & am waiting for them to contact me. I have never invoked and services before but feel he has crossed a red line now Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
ElCorazin · 19/06/2017 00:41

Firstly, as I have said before DS was out while I was crying - he didn't witness it.

Secondly, I am not having done kind of mental health crisis. Unless you all want to believe my abusive gas lighting H- which you clearly do. This is just how he works - turning people against me and making out I am in a crisis when I'm just feeling deeply unhappy and unsupported. I have anti depressants & therapy and my depression comes and goes.

Mental health no longer has a stigma though --NOT

OP posts:
FlossyMooToo · 19/06/2017 00:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FlossyMooToo · 19/06/2017 00:42

Major crossed postBlush

OP have the police called back?

Original poster
ElCorazin · 19/06/2017 00:42

Really flossy? Sorry to disappoint.

OP posts:
FlossyMooToo · 19/06/2017 00:43

Not a dissapointment at all. I am pleased you are still posting.

You are clearly very stressed.

Wtfdoipick · 19/06/2017 00:45

I am not having some kind of mental health crisis. Unless you all want to believe my abusive gas lighting H- which you clearly do

It wasn't your h who told us you spent the day in bed crying it was yourself. All we have to go on is what you yourself have said.

MandateMandy · 19/06/2017 00:49

El Corazin you brought up your mental illness. You also told us you had been in bed crying all day. That is having a mental health crisis. It is not mentally healthy behaviour. I'm happy your child wasn't there but i stand by my assertion that if you were as you described i would not have left my child in your care. Nothing to do with stigma at all.

whattodowiththepoo · 19/06/2017 00:50

Unless you believe your son is in immediate danger it might be best to get some sleep and tackle this with a fresh mind in the morning.

Original poster
ElCorazin · 19/06/2017 00:52

I was not posting for a while as I was speaking to the police. They are going to speak to abusive H as I have reported him for financial & emotional abuse. I have no access to joint bank account for starters.

My parents are elderly and not in best of health - too stressful for DS to stay there.

It is majorly out of order for my H to take it on himself to take my DS away without consulting me- I'm not some incoherent madwoman as you all seem to imagine.

Doesn't everyone have bad days? While my DS was out yes I was crying. It is not allowed to express feelings to your husband? Hmm

I have not been in bed all day although some as I had a migraine after h shouted at me, due to the stress. H was at home all day and took DS out which I had no problem with, but I do have a problem with him abducting my child who I am perfectly capable of putting to bed and taking to school in the morning.

H has done this to call my bluff, he has often threatened that if I left him
I would not see DS etc, he will tell them I am bad etc etc... and unfortunately for him it hasn't worked - his abuse has now been reported.

Incidentally the police have checked on DS and are leaving him with friends mother as it is late (nb I would like to point out that I called them at 8.30 - it took them 3.5 hrs to do anything about it...by which time of course it was too late to disrupt DS / hence the time now / when I posted).

OP posts:
Original poster
ElCorazin · 19/06/2017 00:53

Wtf and others - I didn't spend ALL day there

OP posts:
Original poster
ElCorazin · 19/06/2017 00:56

Mandy - I wax trying to avoid 'drip feed' and give a balanced view. Due to my years of abuse I seem to have skewed it heavily against myself. If you are told you are shit often enough you start to believe it.

OP posts:
TrinityTaylor · 19/06/2017 00:56

I don't think you're an incoherent mad woman and no one has said as such on here. I think people are just trying to get the full picture so they can offer advice.
Are you going to pick your son up from school tomorrow? Will you see this school mum?
Did you see my post about how did she come to have your son tonight? How does DH know her but she is a stranger to yoube?

Freddystarshamster · 19/06/2017 00:56

OP, report this thread and ask it to be moved to relationships, you will get better help there a bunch of women who have nothing better to do than project their own wild theories onto your relationship because of what's happened in theirs.

Fixed that for you! :)

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 19/06/2017 00:56

unless you all want to believe my abusive gas lighting H- which you clearly do. This is just how he works - turning people against me and making out I am in a crisis when I'm just feeling deeply unhappy and unsupported.

Unless your husband is one of the posters which I doubt as you have said he is at work then all the information people have responded to is what you have written.
People aren't taking sides just questioning the wisdom of waking your son in the middle of the night and gently suggesting you seek help for all aspects of your life in the morning.

Toadinthehole · 19/06/2017 00:57

OP, please get some advice from RL friends who will know you, your family and the situation better than some strangers on the Internet. There is too much speculation on this thread.

Beeziekn33ze · 19/06/2017 00:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ElCorazin · 19/06/2017 00:57

She is a friend of H through an mutual interest (H and her) - he knows her through that, I only know her vaguely via school.

OP posts:
TrinityTaylor · 19/06/2017 00:57

Yoube = you, bloody typos!

BlackeyedSusan · 19/06/2017 00:59

loads of people would be weeping if they had married an abusive arsehole. perfectly normal reaction to having to live with a shit who shouts in your face.

ltb. make plans. call the police when he is threatening. keep seeking help with your mental health. tell your gp that he shouts at you and threatens you. get it on record.

would the neighbours call the police for you when he shouts at you? (i suspect you would need the outside witness as support against his lies)

TrinityTaylor · 19/06/2017 00:59

I see. So he knows she has a child in the same year and thought she would be an appropriate guardian? Seems odd he didn't ask a closer friend or family member first.

Original poster
ElCorazin · 19/06/2017 00:59

Cut this crap about foster homes FGS. I am collecting my son from the woman's house at 7.30 am whether she likes it or not, and will drive him to school myself. I don't need her 'help'.

OP posts:
2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 19/06/2017 01:01

Just read your latest post . I am glad that your son is safe , you must be too.

Original poster
ElCorazin · 19/06/2017 01:04

2bees I just miss him desperately - just been into his empty room, makes me cry. He should be here with me. H has made me look and feel like a complete failure- not to mention the humiliation and gossip that will no doubt fly around the school come tomorrow :(

OP posts:
Norland · 19/06/2017 01:04

From the original post:

...I am unwell with depression and taking medication, my depression (made a whole lot worse by dreadful relationship and lack of support).

God only knows what tale H spun her about my so called 'mental illness'...

So are you ill or not? You've made contradictory statements in your opening post.

Original poster
ElCorazin · 19/06/2017 01:06

Norland. There is a vast difference between depression (being treated) and 'not-coping-mental-illness'.

I have depression in common with thousands of other people - it doesn't mean I can't function as a mother. Hmm

OP posts: