Onits owning it! Or at least has an agreement in principle for a mortgage on it ;-)

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2787862-Onits-still-on-it-Thread-3

This is thread 4

Almost exactly a year since my opening post on thread 1.

Things are very different for me now.
Mostly better.
My mental health is suffering now and I'm off work while I try new antidepressants which are fucking with my already fucked up sleep.
I think a year of chronic sleep deprivation has ruined my ability to function normally.

LCB is an annoyance at best and a bullying, arrogant arse most of the rest of the time.

I am a very different woman to the one who posted at 2am a year and a few days ago.

My dc are doing ok. This isn't the life I wanted for them. I didn't want to be a single parent. On benefits. In a shitty ex council house.
But, they seem happy.
Dd's birthday today. We had a party at homes and it was enjoyed by everyone, I think.
I remember last year being fucking devastated and, having started rereading my original thread, completely brain dead, because I don't remember much.
Tomorrow is Father's Day and the anniversary of telling the dc their dad was leaving.
It's so difficult looking back on it all but it also helps me see how far I've come.

But more importantly, my dc seem largely unaffected. I know it's early days and I'm under no illusions it won't bite me in the ass someday but...

I have a boyfriend (if a man over 50 can be described that way).
It's not perfect. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I like him a lot. The sex is amazing. We're compatible in lots of ways but I find I'm holding back. He doesn't know the Hal for of what LCB has put me through. And I know his ex broke his heart.
We have issues with distance and incompatible schedules not to mention that he's a rebound guy.

Ah! fuck it! I'm happy! Content even. But I still scare myself thinking about what I had in my house and bed.

It's all going to end in tears onit, but they won't be yours. KOKO

I'm still not sure how I actually feel.
If I'm honest, my first thought beyond "WTF?!?" was how her ex will take the news.
I think he will be devastated given he told me she didn't want dc and he always did
The poor guy is going to hit rock bottom again with this bomb.
Bf was here when I opened the text.
We'd been busy for a couple of hours and frankly I could hardly see straight far less form a coherent thought about it.
I told him what had happened and he just said he was a dick. He asked if I was ok and I said I didn't know but thought so, I just worried about how the dc would react especially when I wasn't going to see them properly for a week.
Then he did an amazing job of taking my mind off of it. And I didn't think about it. At least not much.

Dd Skyped me this morning from his car on their way out, to show me her lost tooth and, at the end of the conversation, I asked if they were seeing ow today. When they said yes I asked them to tell her congratulations from me.
Obviously LCB was there. It felt like a small thing to offer my congratulations to her but not to him.

I saw my dc tonight at my friends but it was a kind of party thing so obviously they were there to play not spend time with me.
My friends were stunned by the news and had pretty similar reactions to and and .
I got a few cuddles squeezed in and managed to ask both of them separately about how they were feeling about being a big brother/sister.
Dd hadn't a clue what I was talking about to the point I actually thought she didn't know. But I managed to speak to her later and she seemed ok. Said she wanted someone to play with (boss about more like )
Ds said he wanted it to be a boy as he wanted a brother not another sister.
My friend asked if ds knew when the baby was coming and after saying September he said no, that they were going to find out the sex then. The baby's coming in January.

When LCB came to collect them he had to chase them up the street and their friends were actually holding them back from him because they didn't want them to go.
I'd had a few 's by then so I just stood in the house and laughed very loudly.
My friend had a chance to speak to him though and offered her congratulations, asked when she was due, etc.
She said he seemed shocked she'd spoken to him but also quite shocked by the questions.

I have my first day back to work today so waking at 4am probably isn't the best thing but I'm going to just get up and get on with it.

Fuck him.
I am well shot.
I will admit to some nasty thoughts about her. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but I had a terrible time after ds was born with pnd and after dd I developed an underactive thyroid. I had a "what will happen if she gets sick?" thought. Will LCB be able to hack it? Will she be able to stay off the booze? What will happen with the 2 flats? Will he move her here and begin his isolation of her?

I have counselling on Monday. I will try to form a coherent thought and figure out how I feel.
In the meantime I'm ok. I think. I appreciate all your kind thoughts and not so kind words of solidarity. And the flowers. Thank you

Onit you are sounding like you are coping with this unexpected news as well as you can. I am amazed at how composed you are about it all. Glad you've had the support of bf when you got the text. Also pleased you got to see DC before they went away and were able to check how they were doing.
Good luck back at work today

Glad you are sounding so good, and had such a good time yesterday!

I am unconvinced it is an accident. He is still controlling, still abusive. You are moving, with every day that passes out of his control.

"Persuading" her to become pregnant will be the start of that behaviour towards her .

KOKO.

Mrs P, or, she decided to seal the deal by getting up duffed ?
either way, I wish them both the worst.
& Onit, I am amazed, & delighted that you have taken this like a warrior Go Girl :o)

I remember seeing a message which alluded to the MAP. It was very soon after he left because I was still in my old house.

I'd be surprised if this was an accident. He's too calculated. Without outing myself further, her job is very physical. She will be unable to work while pregnant, I should think.
He has her isolated.
He gets what he wants.
I had 2 dc I never wanted because he wanted them. (To clarify, I will never regret my dc. They are, and always have been, my world).

I cried last night when I phoned my dcousin to tell her. And I'm going to see my dsis tonight after work to tell her. I feel drained this morning and have what feels like another hangover though I had nothing to drink last night.

I'm seriously concerned about her dh. I think this could push him to the brink. How will he feel when he finds out? He wanted dc and she didn't. She couldn't give up the booze. And now, he has to hear that less than a year after she left him, she got pregnant.
And I feel like part of his pain is on my head. I know and I'm sure he doesn't. I want to tell him but how? How can I do that? How can I destroy another innocent person? I could weep for him.

My dcous was helping me talk through from my dcs perspective.
I'm devastated that at some stage, they're going to feel like they weren't good enough. Because every time they visit him they'll be exactly that. Visitors. To LCB and OW's family. He's done what he swore he wouldn't do and replaced them.
I remember asking him what would happen when she had babies (because believe me, there will be at least one more) and he told me he had all the children he wanted.
Didn't take him long.

And I feel like an evil bitch with some of the thoughts and fantasies running through my mind. I mean I'm disgusted with myself that I'd even have the thought. I won't voice them but I can't deny they're there.
The thing is they focus on her. I can't imagine anyway that karma can punish him without it being taken out on OW or this poor, defenceless baby. And that makes me feel like the worst kind of shitty, vengeful, twisted person.

I'm off to work again today but after this shift that's me for a fortnight.
I have got through the first 2 days without my dc and I'm ok.
I need to move for work now.
I'll update later x

There are a couple of things.
Onit, is the baby LCB's though ???
I know it's unlikely, but her XH is still running after her like a devoted puppy... & Will the baby be healthy in view of her alcohol consumption ?
Upside, He will probably now want to get the divorce, YAY !!
Your Dc will probably see less of him, the OW will not have time for his "old family", & he has shown how fickle he is.
This is a good thing, The less they see him the better. They will grow up & see him for what he is.
I would maybe contact the XH, I think he should know, unless they both decided to impart of this baby announcement together,
she told XH & LCB chose to behave appallingly, & you discovered only because he had told DC & therefore informed you.

I'm devastated that at some stage, they're going to feel like they weren't good enough - I really don't see why they should feel like that because of the baby onit. I'm sure their initial reactions when it's born will be excitement, probably followed by boredom because, lets face it, newborns are not the most exciting things ever to young children.

I'm glad you're feeling relatively ok about this. He's an idiot for telling them in that way, but it's predictable anyway that he would not give consideration to their feelings.

I think you should probably tell her ex, if you feel up to it yourself. It would be a kinder way for him to hear, than to have to hear it from her directly. At least he would have time to get his emotions under control before she tells him herself, assuming she's planning on doing that.

I don't know-her ex's misery isn't yours to take on Onit-when you've enough of your own...it will be horrible breaking that news to him-really difficult-and it's not your responsibility on top of everything else. I say this more out of concern for you giving your self too much to deal with, not because I think you shouldn't for any other reason.

what if you text him & say you hope he is dealing with this new news OK? if he says "wot news?", you say, he should be asking his wife....
How old is this excuse of a woman anyway ?

She's 35 now I think.

I did think about texting to ask how he felt about the news but I remember telling him about the MAP incident and he said he wasn't sure he wanted to know things I found out. Although that was obviously not something I was told about.
I don't think I can do it though. I don't want to destroy him. But at the same time I'd like him to know I'm here if he wants to talk.

Ah! Fuck! It's all just a huge fucking mess, isn't it?!?
Those pair of cunts have no compassion. If they did they'd literally fuck of to the back of beyond and disappear.
I'm so angry

Maybe just a casual sort of catch up text saying you hope he's doing ok and if he fancies a chat ever, then he knows where you are. Would that work?

I actually did that a week ago Agatha and we are planning a catch up in the next couple of weeks.
He sounded better than he has previously. Has been seeing someone. But she's leaving the country (she's not from here and is going home imminently. I honestly think this news will kill him.

I texted him. Just asked if he was free tonight and he replied saying he had plans but assumed I'd got the same news he had.

We've had a text chat and he seems ok thankfully.

Counselling was a bit all over the place as I'm still kind of numb. But she picked me up on my body language (wringing hands and shoulders at my ears) which I hadn't noticed.

I feel like it's my turn for a big storyline in a soap opera but the writers can't come up with a resolution.
I should maybe write a book. Change enough details to call it fiction.
I could make my fortune.

Make sure it has a happy ending.... a huge lottery win , an assassination & YOU live happily every after

OW is about to learn exactly what it's like to walk in your shoes.

Glad he was ok...
What a headfuck for all concerned

I was speaking with a friend today and she said as soon as ow becomes a mother, she will begin to appreciate exactly what she's done and, if she feels any kind of guilt now, there's a whole lot more in the post to look forward to.

I told OW's dh today that I feel sorry for what she's got coming.
She's on a fast track to where I was a year ago.

She absolutely is...I don't feel particularly sorry for her however...Perhaps Karma is a thing after all...

Where's his karma though?
I find myself having the most horrible nasty thoughts about her but I can't quite figure out what misfortune I can fantasise about for him. All the worst things would also have an effect on my dc.
I can't wish ill for an innocent baby.
I want him to suffer. Not the dc or his family.

He's going to walk around in his psycho bubble while he leaves destruction in his wake, isn't he?

God I fucking loathe him

His karma will be in the misery (as he will no doubt see it) of having to deal with a new born, and a second family that will also cramp his style, and in being much poorer financially, and most of all in there being less chance of people thinking he is in any way a decent person...which is what will really sting him.
I know that isn't as biblical as we might like...but payback takes many different forms I suppose...

Yes remember he abandonned wife & children. Got OW up duffed within months & still is married to you.. maybe board of directors could take him aside & say he is no longer appropriate material... (start a petition!!! )

How are you doing onit?

I'm ok nigel
Dc came home last night. I'm feeling much more relaxed.
We're off to my friends this afternoon till sunday

Oops didn't mean to post so soon.

It's my oldest friend. The one who has been, not apologising for him but not been as on my side, hating him as I need her to be. Like my other friends are.
My dc are so excited about going and I'm kind of not.
I haven't told her about the baby yet though. Maybe that will get her to see what a cunt he actually is.
I guess we'll see.

Bf has been away abroad working so I haven't seen him since last Friday and he's not been able to chat so much. But he's at least back home today so hopefully back to normal communications soon.

OW's dh has been in touch again to say he's still feeling ok so that's a weight off my mind. Their separation agreement is ready to be signed off I believe.

I had to email LCB to let him know I'd changed a couple of the dcs classes to after school and also to ask him for his contribution to school uniform and dinner money for ds.
While I was writing this, I realised that I did t remember seeing anything about this in the separation agreement that his lawyer drafted, so I went to reread it.
Sneaky fucker hadn't put it in.
I emailed my solicitor and he said he'd noticed too and that he'd added it into his revised draft which I should get soon.

I've yet to receive a reply and I haven't checked my bank account.
Wish I could persuade him to just make a quarterly payment for things like uniform and activities so I didn't have to go cap in hand. But I guess that's all part of his control game.

Can't wait to wash my hands of this slimy, weasely, scumsucking bastard.
I'm wishing my life away waiting for the day I can delete his number from my phone and get on with living my life out of his fucking shadow.