Onits owning it! Or at least has an agreement in principle for a mortgage on it ;-)

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2787862-Onits-still-on-it-Thread-3

This is thread 4

Almost exactly a year since my opening post on thread 1.

Things are very different for me now.
Mostly better.
My mental health is suffering now and I'm off work while I try new antidepressants which are fucking with my already fucked up sleep.
I think a year of chronic sleep deprivation has ruined my ability to function normally.

LCB is an annoyance at best and a bullying, arrogant arse most of the rest of the time.

I am a very different woman to the one who posted at 2am a year and a few days ago.

My dc are doing ok. This isn't the life I wanted for them. I didn't want to be a single parent. On benefits. In a shitty ex council house.
But, they seem happy.
Dd's birthday today. We had a party at homes and it was enjoyed by everyone, I think.
I remember last year being fucking devastated and, having started rereading my original thread, completely brain dead, because I don't remember much.
Tomorrow is Father's Day and the anniversary of telling the dc their dad was leaving.
It's so difficult looking back on it all but it also helps me see how far I've come.

But more importantly, my dc seem largely unaffected. I know it's early days and I'm under no illusions it won't bite me in the ass someday but...

I have a boyfriend (if a man over 50 can be described that way).
It's not perfect. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I like him a lot. The sex is amazing. We're compatible in lots of ways but I find I'm holding back. He doesn't know the Hal for of what LCB has put me through. And I know his ex broke his heart.
We have issues with distance and incompatible schedules not to mention that he's a rebound guy.

Ah! fuck it! I'm happy! Content even. But I still scare myself thinking about what I had in my house and bed.

I have been following your threads from the start onit and have commented a few times (although probably under different names) as I am in a similar situation to you in that my kids dad decided to leave out if the blue just over a year ago. He, however, is not such a pompous entitled ae hole as your xh and we are co-parenting pretty well and are both still on the same wave length!
You did not do anything wrong at all, children want to see their friends and they ask their parents permission to do so. As he is going to the parent in charge on that Friday they asked him, so what! He is the parent it was up to him to make the decision regardless of how he was asked! No doubt you have to put up with your dcs asking for things in the same way as does every parent in the land!! I don't see why you should be the bad guy just to make things easier for him!
The only response you should send to that arrogant prat is 'fk off'

Wow! Onit I have said it before but I still can't believe how similar our exes are. I have more or less had the same message on several occasions from my ex in the past especially about it being in his time and how he will now have rearrange things. I personally tend to email him about stuff DC has been invited to first. Some of things the DC will already know about eg party invites but others I will say to him first before telling DC. It is a really tricky one to judge. Part of the reason I prefer to say something first is because ex is very good at manipulating DC about the things they want to go to. Normally trying to come up with something more fun to do with him and ignoring the fact they are excited to go. I would have also got told that since they are going on play date for 4 and a half hours in his time that he would expect me to 'pay back' on that time he has lost out on. I have also told DC that they can't go to certain things because they are with ex at that time. However on these occasions it has been something they will have the opportunity to do at another time and it wasn't something that was worth the stress of trying to agree with ex to let them go.

He just looks for any excuse to chastise you like he's in charge. Dickhead. How you don't just tell him, fuck off, I don't know. The kids aren't dictating, they're expressing themselves as individual people.

Basically he wants you to ask him & then he can say no, then you are the one who has to tell them X event isn't possible ... I would try in the future to tell him there is an invite on his time. & leave it. He can then listen to the wheedling & negotiation is up to him. Not your responsibility.
and you can say you didn't speak to him as you hadn't told them as it was on his time, & you had been (falsely) told they would be away. In future you will require the exact details as you are entitled to know in what part of the country/world they are in & when.

What annielouise said.

Don't agree with Rhubarb at all.

Onit, you are magnificent. KOKO

He's proved that he doesn't think through the consequences of things.
I'm not going to educate him in how to parent. That's not my problem anymore.
He doesn't get the benefit of my parenting skills anymore. He can ask his girlfriend.
I think it's hilarious that he's complaining about them phoning him. Intruding on his time? Making him think on his feet? Welcome to being bad cop a parent.
Suck it the fuck up!
Knobend

Why don't you tell him? At least say, don't be so fucking ridiculous. He'll soon give up. Otherwise you're going to have him patronising you for the next ten years until the kids are older.

Sorry Onit, you handle it how you want. I wouldn't put up with anyone speaking to me like that. I'd have texted him back and said "if I wanted advice from a dickhead, I'd have asked, now do fuck off little boy". He'd have that reaction each and every time he told me something that annoyed me. It worked with my ex - he soon stopped patronising me. A bit of fire when dealing with them is needed.

He texted me tonight to tell me he'd told the dc earlier that ow is pregnant.

Sisterly greetings. What a prick to do this when they are not going to be able to talk it over with you. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

On the other hand, as you know you are well rid, and you are going on to far better things. You are already getting there.

He has done this assuming you are going to be dealing with it on your own, and obsessing about him. But you are not alone. And don't give him the space. Sadly, her problem now.

All that considered, what a prick he is. And a sorry excuse for a Dad.

Onit, another low punch, is spite of knowing he is a worthless piece of shit, I am certain you are hurting really badly, & that it is not at all what you hoped for. That poor child is all I have to say.
Hopefully he will get more absorbed in this new being & leave you & DC alone.
Having said that, they are going to want to move, so he will be back on about whining re the money,
Personally I would say I haven't got, What can he do ?
Fuck him
massive empathetic hug Onit.... talk to your new hunk

"in spite", going to fast worrying about you

You didn't tell them and when they found out why shouldn't they ask their dad just like they would have asked you if they'd been with you that night and you'd been taking them away the next day.

He's expect special rules that aren't applicable to you and is unequal. Either he's a coparent or he isn't. Clearly he isn't.

What a wanker.
Shows his thought process clearly doesn't it

Another mouth to feed and parent hey.

The struggle will become all to clear to him once reality hits him.
This happened to a friend of mine. Left her with two very young dc after an affair with a co worker.
Married her. 6 years later they also have two dc together and he's constantly running up his own arse. Looks stressed and quite often emails to ask friend to reschedule which is always a big fat no.
He has to do an awful lot of parenting practicalities with the second family he created and is now reaping what he sewed
Friend on the other hand has a lovely bf with his own house and every other weekend free time.

Jesus Christ. He told you the ow was pregnant by telling you via text that he's told
Your children. I've got no words...

He has imparted the news that way to you to make you feel as lousy as possible.
He has had no thought on how that news will affect your children so soon after he has left them for another woman or the noise to even tell you instance do you can figure out a way to help them through it having had some time to digest the news yourself.
He has just had no thought for anyone but himself.

I hope you are ok. Please be strong now and don't let this derail you when you have been doing so well. On a visceral personal level as well as on a practical one this is going to bloody hurt I think... but you are so so much better off without him...remember that.

And you know what-I'd sincerely doubt he is happy...

*nouse to tell you in advance... fucking phone.

I have a strong feeling the relationship with this other woman won't last - too much too soon. He'll be a single father of three or four from two different women that he'll have to juggle seeing. Such a knob.

Wow Onit I am stunned by your latest post. I can't believe this has happened. I know you are at that stage of realising how much better you are without him and can see his true colours but this must still be hurtful. Not just the news itself but the way it has been told. I agree with the others he has timed it purposely to coincide with you being without the DC. Probably thinking you will be stewing on it while DC are away and because then that way you cannot have any influence on how DC are feeling about this news for a while. It also smacks of him telling them the news but then trying to distract them from it with the holiday especially if it hasn't gone down well for them.
It does seem too much too soon. Did he ever indicate that he wanted to have more children before your split? I wonder if it has been planned or an accident or even OW's way of properly trapping him. I can't imagine how you are coping with this news especially not knowing how the DC are about it.
The mean side of me would be going back to your solicitor and hope it's not too late to change the 50:50 split of assets to more in you favour. Another child for him means less child maintenance for your DC so you need to try and protect yourself financially as much as you can. Not meaning to sound greedy but based on things you have said before it wouldn't surprise me that it won't be long before there will be more stuff he can't afford for your DC since he has another mouth to feed.

De-lurking to give you these, Onit 💐💐💐

Asshat!

Or to paraphrase one of my favourite films, "Happiness":

"You are champagne and he is shit!"

You will weather this and become even more stronger and fabulous than you already are.

A big unmumsnetty hug xx

I think so too annielouise-nothing sexier than a newborn baby is there? The ow is about to see his true colours I would think...and no less than she deserves...take some
Scant comfort in that onit if you can...

Fucking hell, I missed your last update when I posted. What an absolute chick with no thought for his children's welfare

He has sunk to a new low. Wouldnt have thought that possible. Shame on him for timing it like that to cause not just you, but his own DC, maximum upset and confusion. A very sorry excuse for a human being.

The baby has to be an accident. He won't be best pleased. He'll be spread very thin now. He's made his bed, let him lie in it. You don't want him back. Keep telling yourself that. He's gone back a step, you haven't. You have freedom and a new man. He'll be drowning in domesticity. Poor thing - not!

The kids will be excited about the baby. Let them be. They have you, their main carer, no matter what happens. Kids are so resilient, try not to worry too much. The novelty will wear off pretty quickly - for him and your kids. I honestly believe he'll be in shock about this. They won't have planned it. I truly don't see them being happy. Just make sure you are - enjoy your kids and their achievements, enjoy the time you spend with your new man, make memories with the kids and create your own life.

I do think you need to nip in the bud the way he speak to you though for your own sake. The less you have to do with him the better and that includes getting text messages and emails beyond a change to arrangements. Don't let him into your life with his chastisements etc. You're an adult, you don't need to take it, so tell him so.

What a cock. Onit you are so well rid. His Disney dad days will dry up soon I'm sure with this additional responsibility he's created for himself!

Sending you more love and strength, you are better and worth more than him!