Onits owning it! Or at least has an agreement in principle for a mortgage on it ;-)

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2787862-Onits-still-on-it-Thread-3

This is thread 4

Almost exactly a year since my opening post on thread 1.

Things are very different for me now.
Mostly better.
My mental health is suffering now and I'm off work while I try new antidepressants which are fucking with my already fucked up sleep.
I think a year of chronic sleep deprivation has ruined my ability to function normally.

LCB is an annoyance at best and a bullying, arrogant arse most of the rest of the time.

I am a very different woman to the one who posted at 2am a year and a few days ago.

My dc are doing ok. This isn't the life I wanted for them. I didn't want to be a single parent. On benefits. In a shitty ex council house.
But, they seem happy.
Dd's birthday today. We had a party at homes and it was enjoyed by everyone, I think.
I remember last year being fucking devastated and, having started rereading my original thread, completely brain dead, because I don't remember much.
Tomorrow is Father's Day and the anniversary of telling the dc their dad was leaving.
It's so difficult looking back on it all but it also helps me see how far I've come.

But more importantly, my dc seem largely unaffected. I know it's early days and I'm under no illusions it won't bite me in the ass someday but...

I have a boyfriend (if a man over 50 can be described that way).
It's not perfect. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I like him a lot. The sex is amazing. We're compatible in lots of ways but I find I'm holding back. He doesn't know the Hal for of what LCB has put me through. And I know his ex broke his heart.
We have issues with distance and incompatible schedules not to mention that he's a rebound guy.

Ah! fuck it! I'm happy! Content even. But I still scare myself thinking about what I had in my house and bed.

Hi!
Been a funny few weeks since Christmas.
My fridge has resurrected itself. No idea what happened there.
My mood has been pretty low but not enough to really comment on.
I haven’t seen my counsellor since before Christmas. But tbh the only things concerning me right now are the awful things in my head wrt the baby.
I heard a conversation with the dc about shopping for cribs and nursery stuff. And how things will need to be different when the baby’s here (this kills me ) because they will need to be quiet so the baby can sleep. Ffs does he want to make them feel pushed out or is it just sheer stupidity.
I think the fact this is her first and his third might be the cause of some friction.
He’s a fucking know it all at the best of times and thought he was God’s gift to fatherhood when mydc were tiny.
I feel a little sorry for her.

I haven’t introduced the bf yet but the dc have asked a bit more and seem totally fine with the idea of his existence.
I’m constantly amazed at their ability to just ride the waves which want to drown me.

I would tell them not to worry about the baby, they are as much his children as the baby & they are allowed to be children, which means, they do not need to tiptoe about

The baby is his issue and how the kids are around it, also his issue I suppose. It's his relationship to cock up with your kids I guess-all you can do is be there to pick up the bits.
Been thinking of you onit-glad you checked in

Maybe the children will get sick of daddy telling them to shush and will refuse to go over to his place?

Just popping in to see how you are onit (and all?)

Hi nigel (and all)

Been away for the weekend with my girls. Feeling very chilled tonight. Been missing my babies but it was good to get away and have a break from everything.

Wish February was over with and spring was here already.

Hope you’re ok.

Things so quiet at the moment I’m just waiting for the next bomb to drop.
Not enjoying this dreadful feeling. Not sure how to process it. But I guess I will when it happens.

Glad you had a nice weekend.

Enjoy the peace and quiet.

I'm thinking of you Onit, I guess the bomb is to be dropped soon...
I can't imagine what feelings you will feel, but hopefully he will become all interested in the new edition & just leave you & your DC to peacefully live your lives.

Baby was born last night. He just texted to say the dc will be late home because they’ve been at the hospital visiting.

I replied congratulations

I feel sick

Never fails to be a bastard.

His parents brought them home.
My mil asked if I was ok and I said no. Holding back tears.
She said she didn’t think I would be and I replied that a little bit more notice would’ve been nice. Apparently he intended to and I couldn’t help it but I said that he intends a lot of things.
I apologised for being inhospitable as I wasn’t going to offer them a coffee.
She gave me a hug as they were leaving and I said congratulations.
Dc kept asking if I was ok. I had to go and hide in the bathroom telling them I had something in my eye.

To be fair to my mil she seemed embarrassed by my congratulations and desperate to leave.
Fil said they didn’t come in for coffee just to check I was ok.

At least your parents in law have some decency. even if their son doesn't. Yes can't imagine how this feels onit-in faff I imagine you feel a million things at once. Here for you if you need a hand hold...

Onit, I would not have said Congrats to LCB.
He has a baby, so he can just decide to bring DCs home late ?
I would have said, I don't give a shit if you have another child, it changes nothing with regards to my life, MY children will be returned as previously organised. or you don't take them at all.
I would tell him now, so that he cannot simply screw around & change timings as he sees fit.

That thought did cross my mind mix
This was the third Monday since the new year that he’s brought them home late (5/10 minutes before tonight’s 15 minutes).
I just thought I’d sound petty and/or jealous.

Fine to say next time-gentle reminder can you get them back on time please? He can't argue with that really...

Hi Onit, I don't post much (because I have nothing useful to contribute), but i have been following your journey and despite all the blows (there aren't enough expletives to describe your callous ex), you are one fine, dignified lady. I wish you strength and good fortune xx

It's petty possibly. Until you are late for something as he is putting himself & his needs first. But as he doesn't accord you the same courtesy. & apparently this is going to be the pattern now.. He can't just toss the baby back into the cot & walk out. It takes organisation & visibly he doesn't care if you are left waiting & wondering.

Onit I hope you don't feel so bad this morning, but I can imagine it's been a huge blow. FWIW I agree with Mix that you should point out that the children still need to be bought home at the agreed time. It might be petty but then, he excels at petty doesn't he? And actually I do think you might as well get it in early before his tardiness becomes completely routine. It's not your problem if his life has now become more complicated, nor is it your childrens, and he makes no exceptions for stuff going on in your life so why should you for him?

Managed to sleep in this morning but I wasn’t fit for work anyway. Took a sick day and I’ll lose a days pay.

But guess who sent me an email about piano lessons earlier?
I thought he’d be too busy to bug me anymore.
Anyway, I’m done.

I’m done giving him headspace.
He cancelled a squash game on Sunday because she was in labour but his dcs mother gets no forward thought.
Well maybe it’s time I took a leaf out of his book.
The bf last night reminded me that this isn’t about me.
As long as the dc are happy (or unaffected) then what he does doesn’t matter.
He can be a dickhead but it only affects me if I let it.

I replied to his email about DD’s class like it was purely business.

Thanks for the offer but I’ll take dd to and from her lesson.
I can confirm receipt of funds.

The address is...

When we leave, it will give you the opportunity to discuss with the tutor your assessment of dd’s progress and future commitment and also to make your financial arrangements in private assuming you wish dd to continue.

You can advise me of your decision afterwards.

Yes, he really did say he would only pay for lessons if our 6 year old dd was “fully committed” and he could observe a lesson to assess her progress.
And also (as I predicted) he would make arrangements to pay the tutor directly.

Not only is he a cunt, he has some very strange control issues.
Apparently I can’t be trusted to choose a class, a teacher, or have him let me use actual cash to pay for it.

It’s funny really.

Actually he is doing you a favour, you don't have to remember to pay.
(up to the point when he starts cleaning he is is short of money. too busy to drive her there/collect etc.)
I would stop saying please & thank you to him, Just the shortest, sharpest memo, is sufficient.

cleaning = claiming

He sounds so like my exh it's untrue

Good way of thinking about it all onit...

It’s funny really - that's the spirit. Yes, he is funny in a strange/weird sort of a way. Thankfully he is, in the main, someone else's problem now, and I don't doubt for a minute that he's playing similar control games with her and especially now that competition for his time and attention has arrived.

If he does decide to cancel dd's piano lessons, please let him be the one to tell her. Don't involve yourself, there's no need.

How are you feeling Onit, what's happening this w/e ?