Onits owning it! Or at least has an agreement in principle for a mortgage on it ;-)

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2787862-Onits-still-on-it-Thread-3

This is thread 4

Almost exactly a year since my opening post on thread 1.

Things are very different for me now.
Mostly better.
My mental health is suffering now and I'm off work while I try new antidepressants which are fucking with my already fucked up sleep.
I think a year of chronic sleep deprivation has ruined my ability to function normally.

LCB is an annoyance at best and a bullying, arrogant arse most of the rest of the time.

I am a very different woman to the one who posted at 2am a year and a few days ago.

My dc are doing ok. This isn't the life I wanted for them. I didn't want to be a single parent. On benefits. In a shitty ex council house.
But, they seem happy.
Dd's birthday today. We had a party at homes and it was enjoyed by everyone, I think.
I remember last year being fucking devastated and, having started rereading my original thread, completely brain dead, because I don't remember much.
Tomorrow is Father's Day and the anniversary of telling the dc their dad was leaving.
It's so difficult looking back on it all but it also helps me see how far I've come.

But more importantly, my dc seem largely unaffected. I know it's early days and I'm under no illusions it won't bite me in the ass someday but...

I have a boyfriend (if a man over 50 can be described that way).
It's not perfect. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I like him a lot. The sex is amazing. We're compatible in lots of ways but I find I'm holding back. He doesn't know the Hal for of what LCB has put me through. And I know his ex broke his heart.
We have issues with distance and incompatible schedules not to mention that he's a rebound guy.

Ah! fuck it! I'm happy! Content even. But I still scare myself thinking about what I had in my house and bed.

I also use this calendar, www.keepandshare.com
click on Month view (or longer)
clic on the date/s & type in the activity, pick up, work time whatever & save, (you can highlight, or change text depending on a category)
I print out one a month & put on the fridge, then add by hand any interim stuff.
It really is easy

ps I use the free version, so not as complex

I’ve just told my dc about bf .
Obviously unplanned but it’s done now.

Ok so how did they react?

Sometimes things are better to be unplanned as it leads to a more natural conversation.

Are you ok?

Thanks mix
I have a calendar on my phone which is great but I hadn’t thought of printing it off. My issue is I can only see about 5 days ahead on it. The month view is too small to show detail. Even on the bigger iPad screen it can’t show more than 3 events per day.

I have Evernote on my phone too but mostly use it for recording the timeline of lcbs behaviour.

I have a white board 6 week planner which I used to use for the whole family (because lcb refused to use an online diary. 🤔) but haven’t used consistently since moving house. And again, I can’t find fine enough pens in enough colours to fit everything on.
I never thought of putting income/outgoings on any of these so I might try that on my phone first since that’s what I use most.

I’m ok.
They’re ok.
It started because I was telling them their friends wouldn’t be over till after lunch when I’d thought it would be earlier.
Dd kicked off and I didn’t handle it so well. I said that people need to do stuff. That they were so lucky that I do all the boring stuff when they’re at school or at their dads or asleep.
Anyway long story short dd says “I want you to have someone”
So I asked if she meant a boyfriend. She said yes.
So I said that it wasn’t that easy. I had to find a person I liked who liked me and that there was someone I liked but I was still making sure.
I told them a little about him. That I saw him when they were at their dads because he lives quite far away.
That they would hopefully meet him soon but it was difficult because he has dc too and the distance.

I’m not sure I’ve done it right.

I should’ve just said he was a friend.

Shit.

I’m an emotional wreck.
I should’ve waited till a better time.
I haven’t even told bf that I’ve said anything. Or that I was planning to.
Shit!

It sounds like you've done it just fine. You've told them the truth, in a way that they can understand. You've not made a big announcement of it that might be scary for them, it was just part of a natural conversation. You've told them you're making sure, that's good that they know that. And you've told them that they can meet him soon (that's good for them to know), and that he has children. All good. I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Actually, I think it's been a worry for you for a while, so in some ways it's probably good that you've told them so that you can stop worrying so much about it. If they want more information, now or later, then I'm sure they'll ask for it.
I'm sure your bf will understand that sometimes these things just happen, you didn't really need to tell him beforehand.

Thanks Agatha

This is so out of my experience.
And their experience is that you leave your wife, get a gf, move in immediately, have a baby.
I did say I wouldn’t do anything quickly because I needed to make sure.

I guess whatever I do might be slightly better than him.

Why do I feel I have to do it perfectly? Just because he was such a shit.
The pressure is enormous.

I agree with Agatha, it was a natural continuation of a conversation, not a big announcement, you said, you would take your time, now they can get used to the idea & ask a few questions, they may even ask to meet him...
Don't make it into something it's not, It was fine !

Sounds like you did it perfectly to me onit!!

And now my fridge has died

Trying to find some positive spin on that.
At least the freezer seems ok for now. Just the fridge and it was pretty much empty apart from beer and wine from Xmas.

And it was given to me for free when I moved house so I can’t complain about that
Retail therapy might help too

AO have a good sale on at the minute... I'm eyeing up a dishwasher. I've never had one before and I've a gap for one in my kitchen. I've unfortunately got a Christmas shaped gap in my bank account however...

I’ve fiddled with everything in there and lowered the temp on the screen and finally sellotaped the door shut.
It seems to have revived a little.
I’ll check out ao.
We got all the appliances for our new kitchen from there a few years back.
Go through Quidco nigel and you’ll get some cash back I’m sure or try elekdirect which is ao’s outlet. You need to pay for delivery and it takes longer but it’s where I got my washing machine after I moved in here. Think someone pointed me to them here too.

Look at AO and choose. Then see if John Lewis sell it. They will match the price, give you free delivery and a two year store guarantee/warranty

My fridge has healed itself for the moment at least.
Spoke to the dc a bit more about the bf.
Explained that some of the wee jobs that have happened round the house recently were done by bf.
Ds seemed happy that he was good at diy. And that he must be a nice man. And then he gave me a hug and said “and you’re a nice Mum”
They asked about his dc.
They don’t seem traumatised.
And I’ve calmed down a little.

I’ve a day off tomorrow and I’ve started slowly on my decluttering.
Tidy house, tidy mind.
And, if I can ebay some bits and make a few bucks, even better

Perfect Onit, it sounds like a lucky mistake, they have time to digest at their own speed

Ah see, I told you they would be fine
Dd2 did with flu here and I feel ropey too- an you come and de clutter for me too?

nigel my house is anything but tidy at the moment.
Looks like tidy house, tidy mind is preceded by bomb site house, chaotic mind.

I have done a bit of housework today. It does make you feel better, but my head feels so full of fog at the moment

I hope you’re all feeling a little better nigel.
I’m trying to struggle through a procrastination phase too. My hoovers on the blink so it makes me say fuck it to any housework because what’s the point.
I’m sorry you’re struggling too. I think January is shit.

I’m trying to avoid thinking of the baby due in a fortnight. But found myself looking at baby clothes when I went to buy underwear for ds. Wtf is that about?!?

I want to ask LCB when he’s thinking about filing for divorce. But I don’t want to initiate contact.
It pisses me off that I have to contact him at all.
And I’ve had to a few times over school things and classes.
I arranged a trial lesson for dd after she got a keyboard for Christmas and, when I asked if he’d be prepared to pay, he complained it appeared costly and that he anticipates dd will lose interest.
Well, of course she might. She’s 6. But she asked for a keyboard and has played it daily since Christmas. Has watched YouTube videos and taught herself another wee tune.
But obviously he doesn’t see this so it can’t be more than a phase.

How's things onit.

January is a bit of a shit month. Spring still feels a long way off. We're doing dry January too, at least until next weekend anyway, so it's dragged a bit.

cooeee Onit, have you decided to present bf to DC yet ?