Onits owning it! Or at least has an agreement in principle for a mortgage on it ;-)

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2787862-Onits-still-on-it-Thread-3

This is thread 4

Almost exactly a year since my opening post on thread 1.

Things are very different for me now.
Mostly better.
My mental health is suffering now and I'm off work while I try new antidepressants which are fucking with my already fucked up sleep.
I think a year of chronic sleep deprivation has ruined my ability to function normally.

LCB is an annoyance at best and a bullying, arrogant arse most of the rest of the time.

I am a very different woman to the one who posted at 2am a year and a few days ago.

My dc are doing ok. This isn't the life I wanted for them. I didn't want to be a single parent. On benefits. In a shitty ex council house.
But, they seem happy.
Dd's birthday today. We had a party at homes and it was enjoyed by everyone, I think.
I remember last year being fucking devastated and, having started rereading my original thread, completely brain dead, because I don't remember much.
Tomorrow is Father's Day and the anniversary of telling the dc their dad was leaving.
It's so difficult looking back on it all but it also helps me see how far I've come.

But more importantly, my dc seem largely unaffected. I know it's early days and I'm under no illusions it won't bite me in the ass someday but...

I have a boyfriend (if a man over 50 can be described that way).
It's not perfect. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I like him a lot. The sex is amazing. We're compatible in lots of ways but I find I'm holding back. He doesn't know the Hal for of what LCB has put me through. And I know his ex broke his heart.
We have issues with distance and incompatible schedules not to mention that he's a rebound guy.

Ah! fuck it! I'm happy! Content even. But I still scare myself thinking about what I had in my house and bed.

X posted with you Forme

Thank you x

I’ve shed a few tears tonight too.
It’s bloody hard doing this by yourself.
Last year I was off work still. And I actually don’t remember much which is sad.
This year I plan to take my time enjoying watching the dc open their gifts and play.
They grow up so fast. Ds is 8. I’ve not got many Christmases left where Santa will feature.
St least I can sit and appreciate it all without his judgement.

Onit, you’re doing an amazing job, you’re doing your best which can’t be beaten.

Happy, happy Christmas to you and your DC, you will make it a brilliant time together.

And then go have a great time with BF and his family. It will all work.

Xxx

Merry Christmas to all [santa].

Onit and nigel, and all others in similar situations, you're doing a great job and your dc will appreciate you for it in years to come.

Merry Christmas to all on this thread. I think of you often and am wishing you all well on this emotional day xx

Happy Christmas Onit & nigel, enjoy your DC, they grow so fast...
I still put a coin, chocolate penny & a clementine for my DD in her stocking. (She's 29)
My Mum's traditions live on...

Happy Christmas all.
No one has died or been slung out here (yet) xx

Merry Christmas everyone

I give up trying to post much more as I’ve lost 3 posts today.
Suffice to say I’ve had a lovely day. Dc had a great time. Lcb was never mentioned until he texted at 10.30.
They Skyped him and I took the chance to have a shower.
I made a bloody great dinner (if I say so myself) and have plenty leftovers.
Dc went to bed full of chocolate and Christmas ham.
I’m working tomorrow, the dc go to his first thing and I don’t get them back till Thursday after tea.
Hate that.

Hope you find the strength to tell that asshat to fuck off next year nigel
I swear it must be harder having him in your home.
Big hugs to all (I’ve had lots of prosecco )

I hope everyone’s enjoying their Christmas; or at least not sobbing over the leftover frozen chocolate gateaux.

There was a change of plans.
I didn’t meet his dc.
They went back to their mums.
We had a lovely day together and I was able to relax a lot. It’s not often I get to sleep till I wake or go back to sleep.

Came home very late last night and woke up to a full on sore throat/cold/fever type thing. Called in sick to work this morning so I have the guilt.
My dc are back at 6 so at least I don’t have to worry about feeding them.
I’m planning on only eating what can be nuked (still plenty leftovers from Christmas dinner), drinking as many cups of tea as I can and binge watching Grays Anatomy.

New year is upon us and it’s scary to think it’s 2018.
My dc will turn 7 & 9 next year. And will have a half brother in a few weeks time.
I’ll be starting my third year away from lcb.

I’m going to try to vaguely action plan for the next year if my head will allow it. I do like a list.

Couple of things off the top of my head to start:
• get the old fire out of my living room and replace it with ?something?
• get back on the wagon food wise and get the last 10lbs off.
• get control of my money enough so I can put a little away every month for the dcs birthdays and next Christmas.
• get my car fixed. Soon.

There’s probably a million more things but I’m ready for some McSteamy .

Looking forward to hearing about all your Christmases. Good and bad (you still a free woman nigel? )

Just thought I'd give you a laugh.
Told OH I wanted my gym sub paid for as Xmas gift.
He bought SIX boxes of After Eights.
I shd add, I do like MINT After Eights, (I buy one box at Xmas & had already bought it) but have told him I hate the other favours so do not buy me them. So there is a mixture of flavours.
What the fuck is this ?

LTB!!!

But take the after eights with you.

That’ll teach him lol

Glad it made you laugh Onit, Is this the moment when I ask, "Am I going mad" ?
I actually think they are all going in the bin.
It is such a diametric opposite of anything I could have wanted.
so as I see on here, posters get hung strung & quartered for not accepting gifts with grace.
I have not spoken about my feelings on his "gift", I know for certain it is not supposed to make me happy. How could it when I want & need to lose weight ?
Hey Ho, its another whole thread?
Back to you Onit
oh & nigel, how did it go ?

I’ve been floored with this cold since Thursday.
Hope everyone else is enjoying the break.

The asshat spoke to the dc this morning and as usual I made myself scarce.

I did hear the tail end of the conversation when he said “goodbye, see you on Thursday”

I asked ds and he confirmed that’s what lcb had said. So I texted him.
I asked if I’d heard correctly and did that mean he wasn’t seeing them tomorrow as usual.
He replied saying that during our discussions over arrangements for the holidays “we” didn’t mention it so he’d assumed that, as it was NYD, normal routines wouldn’t apply.

He’s going away for a couple of days —to a really fucking expensive spa with the heavily pregnant gf— now so unfortunately he’s unable to see the dc.

I replied saying it was unfortunate as I had also made plans for my childfree time.
And, sarcastically —I thought— added, enjoy your holiday.

I got a thank you and, if you need it, my Mum might be free to help.

I’m actually fantasising about making phone calls and cancelling it for them.

I asked ds if his dad had said why he wasn’t seeing them tomorrow and ds said he didn’t know, maybe work? I said but daddy doesn’t work on nyd because his office is shut.
I asked did daddy say because it was new year and he said yes. That’s what he’d said. I told them that daddy was going on holiday, did he not tell them that. But apparently not. So, yet again, he lies.

I’m actually still sitting like

nigel do you need bail money?

Hope you’re ok

Happy new year

Happy New Year, onit. I hope 2018 is wonderful for you. I haven't had a chance to catch up with your Christmas yet!

Ha! No, no one was killed.
It was ok.. girls enjoyed it which was the main thing. My anxiety was through the roof to the point that I slept for about 4 hours total
Over the two nights and could hardly eat I felt so sick.
He sent me a weird message afterwards saying 'thanks for Christmas I really enjoyed it and I think it's good we can still do this for the girls. You put a lot of effort it and I felt like a spare part at times. It's also good to see you happy in your new house and that you have carved a life out for yourself. I'm not there yet but hoping to be able to do the same soon'
Not sure how to take any of that but it's made me...uneasy.

Anyway happy new year to you onit and to everyone else xx let's hope it's a good one.

The lies from yours are par for the course though onit...the man wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the arse x

You deserve to enjoy Christmas too though. Your girls will have just as much fun next year if you get to the point by then that their dad isn’t allowed in your home. It doesn’t have to be overnight. Just a gradual progression. But let them know soon that Christmas will be different next year so that you can also get the chance to enjoy it.
Remember the resilience thing. It’s true.
My 2 didn’t mention daddy at all and I believe they wouldn’t have if he hadn’t texted me and I hadn’t asked if they wanted to call.
They did want to chat but they didn’t act like they felt he was missing iykwim.

Don’t try to analyse his message. It has made you uneasy and that is likely what he was going for. No more. No less.

I’ve started on a to do list. Not just for this week but for the year ahead.
There are things I can’t control (lcb and his asshattedness) and things I can’t afford (fixing my car, finishing my kitchen, new clothes etc, etc) and things which scare me but need dealing with. The list will help organise my head.

When I’m low I lose my routine. I stop planning.
Or when I lose my routine, I get low. I stop planning. I’m not sure. It’s a chicken and egg thing.

Yes I'm like that too. I look back now and realise that December was pretty much a write off. I must shake myself.

I need to teach myself how to do spreadsheets.
For finances. For meal planning. For all the various schedules I have to juggle.
I think it would help when things like holidays break my routine.

I hate that it would appear my mood dips and my anxiety increases dramatically when the dc are on holiday
And this holiday I’ve been ill for almost the whole time they’ve been home. So I’ve let them have far too much screentime. And wasted the short time I had with them being a shitty mum.

I doubt they see it that way through onit. Sometimes its just what they want to do-chill out at home a bit...don't be hard on yourself...

Happy New Year!

I've lurked on your thread for a while and am amazed at the shit you've managed to get above.

Anyway thought this might might be of use in your to do list making.

zapier.com/learn/google-sheets/google-sheets-tutorial/

Thanks aaahhh I tried to read through that last night but was too sleepy. It looks helpful though.

I’m currently lying in bed, been awake for ages (like an hour and a half!) and I can’t motivate myself to get up.
Dc are playing happily but I just want to roll over and sleep.
Where has my oomph gone?
Anyone seen it?
I’ve had the same load of washing go through the machine twice already and I’ll need to do it a third time because I cba to fold the stuff on the surer to hang it up.

I’m trying to be kind to myself because I’m still full of cold but I feel so crappy about not wanting to get up. My dc are up. I should be with them.

I’m up

I hope you fell better soon Onit.
Trello might help you, its very user friendly
trello.com