Onits owning it! Or at least has an agreement in principle for a mortgage on it ;-)

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2787862-Onits-still-on-it-Thread-3

This is thread 4

Almost exactly a year since my opening post on thread 1.

Things are very different for me now.
Mostly better.
My mental health is suffering now and I'm off work while I try new antidepressants which are fucking with my already fucked up sleep.
I think a year of chronic sleep deprivation has ruined my ability to function normally.

LCB is an annoyance at best and a bullying, arrogant arse most of the rest of the time.

I am a very different woman to the one who posted at 2am a year and a few days ago.

My dc are doing ok. This isn't the life I wanted for them. I didn't want to be a single parent. On benefits. In a shitty ex council house.
But, they seem happy.
Dd's birthday today. We had a party at homes and it was enjoyed by everyone, I think.
I remember last year being fucking devastated and, having started rereading my original thread, completely brain dead, because I don't remember much.
Tomorrow is Father's Day and the anniversary of telling the dc their dad was leaving.
It's so difficult looking back on it all but it also helps me see how far I've come.

But more importantly, my dc seem largely unaffected. I know it's early days and I'm under no illusions it won't bite me in the ass someday but...

I have a boyfriend (if a man over 50 can be described that way).
It's not perfect. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I like him a lot. The sex is amazing. We're compatible in lots of ways but I find I'm holding back. He doesn't know the Hal for of what LCB has put me through. And I know his ex broke his heart.
We have issues with distance and incompatible schedules not to mention that he's a rebound guy.

Ah! fuck it! I'm happy! Content even. But I still scare myself thinking about what I had in my house and bed.

Hi Onit, exactly, if he wants a divorce let him get it. He will try & get you to pay half, tell him to go Fuck himself in those very words. he's the one that set off the quest for new life,

Good re bf coming !!! try & relax, there's a month before Xmas, my whole inbox is full of Black Friday mail. Not happy to be pushed. For me the Xmas sweat is the last 10 days before the day.. (often less !) but if you need presents for DC then maybe this w/e is the time to order ?

I think I've actually nearly done for the DD's Christmas. No idea for anyone else or for dd1's Boxing Day birthday however...and again the ugly spectre of having to buy presents for ex h from the girls (his is also a December birthday), I beg of you...

Glad you are ok onit have a nice weekend.

Your so strong, I haven’t read your previous threads but my gosh you’ve been through it. Your an incredibly strong woman

Not feeling so strong today.
Spoke with my dsis last night about Christmas.
Good news that they’ll be here on Christmas Day with us.
But I’m low today.
I have a very long list (not just Christmas related) and I’m feeling overwhelmed.
I have the dentist shortly and then I’ll start tackling my list.
I’m sure I’ll feel better after I’ve ticked a few things off the list but it involves lots of phone calls (HATE the phone ) but probably significant that I have another bill from my lawyer to settle and it upsets me that what little I’ve got for our future has to be eaten into.
I’ve paid about 15% of the total now and set reminders to pay the rest over the next 6 months.
Hopefully that’s not so scary.

Sorry for my moan. I’m so pissed off as I was doing so well. But I’m trying to tell myself that it’s normal to have ups and downs. At least I’m not unwashed in my pjs eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

Anyway, need to tackle that list and stop procrastinating.
Will reward myself with gin tonight I think

You are invincible
Look back on this time last year and see just how far you have come,
there is nothing better than a list and the satisfaction of ticking off things as they are done.
This time of year is difficult for a lot of people but spring is just round the corner.
Chin up i think l will join you in a or 2 tonight. Cheers

All that admin is vile, I completely understand the feeling of stress involved. get some calls ticked off asap & you will feel un loaded.
Onit, you have been through such a lot, You really have been through the worst of it. You have picked yourself up & fought through all prick's bullshit, you have a house, you have your thriving kids, you have a job & a life & lovely bf, & family coming for Xmas... You have done marvels.
Please don't let the lawyer's bill get to you.
remember the cup, half full, or half empty ? yours is so much more than half full. KOKO

I got a couple of big things ticked off my list but I still feel crap.
Not helped by dd’s teacher sending out a message about nativity dress rehearsal tomorrow for which they need Christmas jumpers and accessories.
There has been no prior communication about this. Dd has last years (might even be 2 years old) jumper but Christ knows if it still fits
This is on top of it being a onesie day for book week

I know it’s just my mood but I feel like I’m drowning. And it’s all tiny inconsequential stuff but there’s fucking shitloads of it!

Someone slap me!! I’m sick of listening to myself whining already

Well just send her in the one she has, if too small cut off the arms & make it a poncho ! the accessories can be found later, (tinsel in hair? bauble on a ribbon ? paper plate cut to make a halo).... no one cares less!
d

Right it is just a dress rehearsal with no advanced warning-if the jumper doesn't fit too bad-one can be bought in time for the real thing.

Lots of stuff on your list can wait but is their anything we can help with??
We all need a good whine and winge now and again. Tomorrow is another day.

Tbh I just want a hug

She tried her jumper on and it fits. Just.
I’ll try to get a new one tomorrow.
We’re currently at the school fair and LCB is here helping. I honestly could see it far enough.

he really is shameless isn't he. After all he has put you (all ) through, God Forbid he thinks of staying away this year anyway. How well shot you are of him, and his selfishness(and the rest).

Have a gin on me tonight. A big one.

Can you stretch the jumper a bit, maybe pull it over a dining chair back or something or wear it yourself for an hour or so, to make it fit. Saves shelling out on another.

School demands are just so inconsiderate.

And LCB is a selfish arse!

I would do as Agatha suggests, try & make it do this year.

LCB is such a monumental Dick.
Hugs Onit !

I get like this at this time of year. Christmas stuff, home and School, misplaced guilt about christmas not being as it used to be, etc etc. If you put having to deal with a narc ex on top it all just feels overwhelmingly shite. I for one just want to get in bed and stay there til jan 2nd. I feel as if my head is full of cotton wool just now.
You are doing the Right thing making your list and ticking off bits as done-it's the only way to focus the mind, plus there is a small sense of achievement in getting things off the list done. Make sure you put something to do just for yourself on the list too though onit. And make sure you do it.
If I were there I'd Give you a big hug. You are doing so well, and you know by now that there are still ups and very sudden downs in all of this-but that you will come through the downs-you are (still) doing brilliantly....

Thanks everyone

I feel like my friends irl must be sick of me by now; like I should be over it already.
Not sure what I’d do without you all supporting me and offering advice and comradeship.
It’s shit to say but it makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone in this crappy Christmas stress and guilt *nigel ).

I received a copy of the minute of agreement today.
It was registered on my fucking birthday.

Good, at least it's moving ahead. have a drink, & toast the end of this.

I’ve eaten a box of maltesers instead of drinking.

I had a gym session this morning and did some boxing.
I wish I’d got the letter before that as it’s fab for de-stressing.
As it is, I had to settle for chocolate.

I like boxing too. I get a lot of calories burnt in it as I use handy visualisation of ex h's face on one pad, and ex best friends on the other...

I do that too
Very therapeutic and a great workout besides. Win win

How are things Onit ? quiet hopefully equals uneventful !!!!