In our 30s, he hasn't made a move, sexually frustrated lol

[Dipsy86]

Been going out with my new boyfriend for over 6 weeks. We have seen each other basically every second day since we met! (we knew each other before, he isn't a stranger, known him since we were teens). We have been on about 3 "proper" dates per week, then coffees and lots of walks in between these dates. So we have seen each other A LOT!!

We definitely have that spark, he constantly tells me how attracted he is to me. He is always holding my hands, stares into my eyes and tells me how amazing I am etc. IT is really lovely. We have kissed a lot too. He is 33, I am 31. But I am now getting extreme sexual frustration lol to the point where it is starting to bug me. There has been ample opportunity for him to "try it on" and he hasn't. He has been at my house multiple times and i often think "this will be the night" lol and it doesn't happen. Instead he will just keep kissing me. He isn't a virgin, has had previous girlfriends, even one night stands (even I haven't had a one night stand lol).

I mentioned it last week and he said "oh we have plenty time to be doing that and get to know each others bodies etc, I don't want to ruin this and am enjoying taking this slow". I then said "you won't ruin it". I am past that stage now lol, I know we are both in this for a relationship. But I am literally at the stage where I can't take it anymore and it is actually awkward now as I am like just make a move on me after 15 minutes of solid kissing.

I mentioned it to some of my friends and each of them said they thought it was really odd, how much we have seen each other and no sexual moves have been made. I do not feel confident enough to make a move on him sexually as in my experience it is usually the guy that would initiate this first. I have laid plenty hints now and he knows how I feel.

He even told me he had even been to the gum clinic last week. He said "I want to start this relationship properly". Which is really sweet and I totally respect it. However, naturally I want to rip his clothes off lol.

What are your honest thoughts on this?

I hate the term micro penis. Imagine your son, or brother had a small penis and some shallow woman decided to tell her friends how 'ugh' it was.

OP, talk to the man!

The assumption that he is an abusive narcissist seems a bit ott. Just tell him sex is majorly important to you and you want it now!!! Tell him you are going for a shower he can join you or he can leave it's his call. Then if he leaves he is just not that in to you or he really is that shy but I'm not sure I'd want to deal with that. Plus the shy thing doesn't wash when he has had ONS.

Yes she should talk to him, I agree. If he's not hiding something I'll eat my shoes

Lottie you speak a load of old bollocks. Hope that's not too obtuse for you

Shockers that's the medical term, isn't it?

Brahms - you may think so.

You cannot realistically turn the situation around and make it all about equality and treating men and women the same. Because we actually aren't the same. Women come up against the oppression and misogynist treatment we do because our biology is central to why we're oppressed. People are turning this into a theoretical intellectual argument about sexism when in reality, the balance of probability suggests that something odd is going on here.

It is true. It is not a situation where you can reverse the sexes and ask if it would sound acceptable. We arent living in a world where women have to woo men they don't like in to bed. We aren ltiving in a world where 1 in 4 men has endured some form of sexual assualt and we're not living in a world where women say he was asking for it.

Some of the intellectualising that has been put forward demonstrates that only mn some will argue black is white for sport

Not when teamed with Ugh, I suspect, Dame!

It just seems cruel to ridicule something that is out of that person's control.

SPen - thank you, you've put it much better than I did.

My money's on ED.

Spenfj you're spot on.

Have you though that he may be Asexual or just have a very low sex drive?, not all men are raging stallions!

The size boasts are a bit odd but that might just be his sense of humour. I think hes probably shy. And will probably be awesome. Give him what he needs OP.

Yep Spen.

I'd also not be interested in sex with a man who claims to fancy me and has no problem with one night stands but won't me because 'he respects me'.

That says he thinks sex is something you take from a woman which demeans her not act she might actually enjoy.

I had this once with a boyfriend. He didn't kiss me until date 5! But by text it was all he spoke about, in the flesh - nothing.

In the end he had a small and thin penis and no skills whatsoever in the bedroom. I tried to help him but it just didn't get any better.

Next

@Spenfj Thank you!

OP it could be any or all of the things that have been mentioned so far. It is early days but I think you need to talk to him. Be frank about your wants and needs and invite him to be absolutely honest.

The constantly talking about sex and reference to penis size don't really gel with his wanting to take it slowly to me though. Don't meet his parents just yet and maybe keep your options open with other men. After 6 weeks of dating and no sex you are entitled to have your needs met elsewhere.

A man wanting and having you sexually does NOT equal a lack of respect. Withholding sex does not equal respect.

@sparklingraspberry @caffeinestream

Maybe do some reading on red flags, controlling relationships and narcissistic abuse before you start frothing and flinging out accusations of man hating. The possibility of any of the above is much more possible in OP's situation than you may think.

Many posters on MN unfortunately know exactly what they are talking about re narcissism and abuse and are trying to help.

Buggeroff when you met were you 15 though?grin

No I wasn't 😂 Grown up independant etc. etc. Went on holiday together a couple of months in.... just waited...

Spenfj is so correct. Women are told that sleeping with men makes them sluts and they also carry all the risk of pregnancy and rape.

Honestly, an adult man who can wait six weeks for sex with no reason isn't the man for me. I don't want anyone withdrawing sex on me!

This thread has The Daily Mail all over it by the way....I fully expect to see it any moment !!

OP has invited "honest thoughts" and let's face it all anyone can do is speculate.
Two things about narcissists, since there is the possibility here:

1. There is a mismatch between their words and deeds
2. As soon as you say you want to break it off they are likely to suddenly want to jump you when they didn't before

To be clear, I am not claiming any definite answers. Only the man concerned knows those. It's a fact a very small minority of men get a thrill and amusement stimulating a woman to the point she is gagging for it, knowing he intends to humiliate her by withholding sex.

To be politically correct I should say there are fanny teasers as well as prick teasers.

Just be honest and talk to him.

Some ridiculous theories now.

Same as BuggerOff but we waited 9 months and have a healthy sex life, we were 23 and 24.. we just wanted to build a friendship first instead of rushing it. We both love sex! It paid off.
But OP wants it now! So a chat needs to be had.