In our 30s, he hasn't made a move, sexually frustrated lol

[Dipsy86]

Been going out with my new boyfriend for over 6 weeks. We have seen each other basically every second day since we met! (we knew each other before, he isn't a stranger, known him since we were teens). We have been on about 3 "proper" dates per week, then coffees and lots of walks in between these dates. So we have seen each other A LOT!!

We definitely have that spark, he constantly tells me how attracted he is to me. He is always holding my hands, stares into my eyes and tells me how amazing I am etc. IT is really lovely. We have kissed a lot too. He is 33, I am 31. But I am now getting extreme sexual frustration lol to the point where it is starting to bug me. There has been ample opportunity for him to "try it on" and he hasn't. He has been at my house multiple times and i often think "this will be the night" lol and it doesn't happen. Instead he will just keep kissing me. He isn't a virgin, has had previous girlfriends, even one night stands (even I haven't had a one night stand lol).

I mentioned it last week and he said "oh we have plenty time to be doing that and get to know each others bodies etc, I don't want to ruin this and am enjoying taking this slow". I then said "you won't ruin it". I am past that stage now lol, I know we are both in this for a relationship. But I am literally at the stage where I can't take it anymore and it is actually awkward now as I am like just make a move on me after 15 minutes of solid kissing.

I mentioned it to some of my friends and each of them said they thought it was really odd, how much we have seen each other and no sexual moves have been made. I do not feel confident enough to make a move on him sexually as in my experience it is usually the guy that would initiate this first. I have laid plenty hints now and he knows how I feel.

He even told me he had even been to the gum clinic last week. He said "I want to start this relationship properly". Which is really sweet and I totally respect it. However, naturally I want to rip his clothes off lol.

What are your honest thoughts on this?

I personally suspect he is a pox infested narcissist with a micro penis and hang up about this mother.

That or he is thinking, nah dont fancy shagging her quite yet. Which is entirely his right.

You might just need to grasp the nettle as it were.

'It's a fact a very small minority of men get a thrill and amusement stimulating a woman to the point she is gagging for it, knowing he intends to humiliate her by withholding sex'

Yes it is a fact that this does happen - it's happened to me.

Lottie

It's a puzzle.

Have you had a conversation about religion yet? Sorry if you've said and I missed it.

One of myriad possibilities which may have already been mentioned is that he is gay but in the closet. Seeking acceptance from parents, wanting to show you off to then, etc etc etc.

Previous relationships may be a total red herring unless you are sure they were a) real and b) consummated.

When are you seeing him next op?

Yes, OP, I thought you said you were going to talk to him last night?

maybe the op is um busy. we can hope

I don't think six weeks is that long. I was much longer with dh (much much longer) and that was religious reasons on his part.

But if he has one might stands before .... I don't get it.

Its only been 6 weeks not to be a prude but is that how quickly people "get to know eachother" these days? Or was it a case of you were friends/knew of eachother before hand?

If I were you I'd just make the move myself. Either he'll embrace it or reject you; either way at least you can move forward.

Perhaps you need to talk?, open it with "I'd very much like to to render me sexually senseless" or similar;?

Sorry I must be extremely tired Ive just re read your post and seen the part where you mentioned youve known eachother since teens! maybe hes not been successful in the past when hes rushed sex in previous relationships and doesnt want to fuck this one up. But if your so sexually frustrated and its bugging you, just make the first move.

Hope you've had a good talk op, this is conspiracy theory central!

Having said that, unless it's as simple as "he's not ready yet" or he likes you so much he doesn't want to rush in and spoil things etc then I agree something is going on, however, probably something very minor.

Have you though that he may be Asexual or just have a very low sex drive?, not all men are raging stallions!

I don't want an asexual man or one with a low sex drive. I really don't want a man who is going to talk a good game about how good and special it will be but then never actually want to fuck me.

Goodness- so many women so aggressive on here!

I think you have to take everything he says about his past experience with a pinch of salt.

He may- no one has said this- be gay and in denial. Kissing is about the limit for him (perhaps.)

I once dated someone long term who gave the impression they were sexually experienced. They loved kissing and a bit of rubbing against me at the same time. They were much older than me and I thought they'd been round the block a bit. Turns out they were a virgin (older than the OPs boyfriend here) and the sex was a disaster.

The other issue is he lives with his parents. Maybe he feels embarrassed about having a sexual encounter with the OP at her house then having to go home to his family, thinking they know he's DTD. Maybe his parents have strong views on casual sex? Maybe this is why he wants the OP to meet them first so they will be happier about him seeing her (and having sex.) They may be very controlling.

I don't think 6 weeks is a relationship, anyway. Early days.

The OP seems to have disappeared

There are many possibilities. ED, micropenis (which usually means infertile too, micro it is), low sex drive, recovering from an STD, too much religion, gay and deeply in the closet, or just very shy and inexperienced.

Men and women have totally different life experiences when it comes to sex, and only women can get pregnant. There are strong reasons why men usually want it first, make the first move, don't wait as the consequences aren't as dire for them. You can't just switch gender roles and get all aghast at the idea of feeling his trousers to see if he's hard at least. It is far less normal for a guy to want to wait than a woman.

Do you know any ex girlfriends? Maybe you could ask how that all went with them....

Otherwise just make a move, or have a serious talk, or both.

I did wonder if the guy said about one night stands but is actually very inexperienced?

Oh, I also think lovebombong manipulative narcissism is a real possibility too. Please read about it. That is probably the only dangerous possibility. Good to know the signs!

Sorry I haven't disappeared. I have to say I'm flabbergasted at all of the responses. email notifications are pinging every 15 mins.

The lovebombing thing really scares me. If he is doing that then it hasn't worked because the past few days I have been actually put off him. Every time he makes sexual innuendos or points to that humour I am literally pulling back now as I think "what's the point?".

My next step is invite him over for a take out and we can watch a film or something. I will set the mood, and if nothing is progressing I will point blank ask him what's going on here?

I'm very confused by the sexual talk, sexual innuendos, talks about his "large" penis, ample opportunities for alone time and he is basically running away from it. Then practically saying he is in love with me, wants to see me daily but we end up sitting having a coffee and chatting all night. Then he will kiss me and that's that! I think at our age something has to progress.

He hasn't has a relationship for TEN years. He said the past ten years has been one night stands and the last one was just three months ago.

I take the hump a bit, no pun intended as I think to myself is he not attracted to me? Even though he tells me I am a lot. I know I am not undesirable without sounding big headed. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but I have literally had men chuck themselves at me the past two years. All the wrong men though and men who are just after sex.

Typical I meet a nice guy who doesn't want to have sex haha.

I reckon he has a very low sex drive. At the end of the day, you've had over 20 dates, lots of protracted snogging, you've made it clear that you are ready, and still....nothing.

If I hadn't had sex for 3 months (when you say his last ONS was), I would be gagging for it. Add to the mix, that I am snogging a man that I fancy every other night....crikey, it would have happened already.

And it's all well and good him going on about the size of his knob, but he clearly has no desire to use it, so it may as well be 10 inches long, that won't help you if it's folded neatly into his Y fronts.

I think you're being incredibly unreasonable and should call it a day now for his sake. And to all saying you can't reverse this situation, utter fucking bollocks.

You obviously don't like him enough to wait until he's ready so you want different things.

You can always go and find one of those men who are literally throwing themselves at you

Husky you did make me laugh!

Just TALK to him! Communication is so important in every aspect of a relationship.

Look, all this talk about his big cock and his one nighters is just bollocks. No man who is secure about his sexual performance needs to boast about the size of his cock. I mean, how exactly does he boast? How does he work it into the conversation?
The men I've known who were sexually experienced and confident have always been very self deprecating about their cocks - even when they were HUGE :) Or even just 'normal'!

If he's not had a relationship in 10 years since he was 23, this would ring alarm bells. Either he is hopeless at sex, is gay but in denial, or has (as others have said) a cock that has something not quite right with it. Maybe the one nighters are because he's rubbish at sex so women run away. Or maybe he is gay and keeps trying to prove to himself he isn't, by one nighters.

The talking about the size of his cock and making comments about sex is what adolescent boys do, trying to impress (their mates.) It's not the behaviour of most 33 yr olds.

I think I'd do as you suggest- ask him round for a nice meal and a film, then suggest going to bed if he doesn't suggest it first. If he stalls as before, I think you need to have a showdown and be totally honest about how you feel.

I'm sorry but the fact he's only had ONS for 10 years doesn't bode well, unless he's got real reasons for not having wanted a relationship (of even a few months.)

I'm very confused by the sexual talk, sexual innuendos, talks about his "large" penis, ample opportunities for alone time and he is basically running away from it. Then practically saying he is in love with me, wants to see me daily but we end up sitting having a coffee and chatting all night. Then he will kiss me and that's that! I think at our age something has to progress yeah, massive red flag. Not weird to want to wait, VERY weird to keep banging on about it and his dick. Big red flag! I would be tempted next time he makes a sexual remark I would make one right back and watch his reaction. I've a feeling he'll run for the hills.