Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 ··· 20 21

Original poster

In our 30s, he hasn't made a move, sexually frustrated lol

525 replies

Dipsy86 · 14/06/2017 14:10

Been going out with my new boyfriend for over 6 weeks. We have seen each other basically every second day since we met! (we knew each other before, he isn't a stranger, known him since we were teens). We have been on about 3 "proper" dates per week, then coffees and lots of walks in between these dates. So we have seen each other A LOT!!

We definitely have that spark, he constantly tells me how attracted he is to me. He is always holding my hands, stares into my eyes and tells me how amazing I am etc. IT is really lovely. We have kissed a lot too. He is 33, I am 31. But I am now getting extreme sexual frustration lol to the point where it is starting to bug me. There has been ample opportunity for him to "try it on" and he hasn't. He has been at my house multiple times and i often think "this will be the night" lol and it doesn't happen. Instead he will just keep kissing me. He isn't a virgin, has had previous girlfriends, even one night stands (even I haven't had a one night stand lol).

I mentioned it last week and he said "oh we have plenty time to be doing that and get to know each others bodies etc, I don't want to ruin this and am enjoying taking this slow". I then said "you won't ruin it". I am past that stage now lol, I know we are both in this for a relationship. But I am literally at the stage where I can't take it anymore and it is actually awkward now as I am like just make a move on me after 15 minutes of solid kissing.

I mentioned it to some of my friends and each of them said they thought it was really odd, how much we have seen each other and no sexual moves have been made. I do not feel confident enough to make a move on him sexually as in my experience it is usually the guy that would initiate this first. I have laid plenty hints now and he knows how I feel.

He even told me he had even been to the gum clinic last week. He said "I want to start this relationship properly". Which is really sweet and I totally respect it. However, naturally I want to rip his clothes off lol.

What are your honest thoughts on this?

OP posts:

PookieDo · 14/06/2017 22:03

I didn't have sex with my BF for about this long either. It was a sexual tension but we hadn't spent the night together, just out on dates. He was also being respectful. So it wasn't quite the same as your situation

What springs to my mind is a mind game.
I know a guy like this. He has been trying to do this to me for years. I know him through work and initially he was 'omg I am so attracted to you' 'imagine the sex we would have' 'I'm so good in bed' and all cocky and would get the relevant responses from me, then he would walk away with an excuse. He even once kind of got me to wait somewhere for him, and then just didn't turn up - but he hadn't asked me to wait, he had only implied it. It was all a game of ego where he had no real intention of going through with it - it was weird. I'm not single now but he has tried a couple more times with this tactic to get a response from me, warming up then going completely cold. I just keep him at a professional arms length now and don't play his weird game. I also tried to call him out on it once and he had a full set of excuses as to why it hadn't happened but that we would hook up and I just told him it was boring after a while. I'm not an object to be played with.
This guy actually does sound like he likes you though so it's maybe some shyness/ED mixed in with an ego trip

Eilasor · 14/06/2017 22:08

It honestly sounds like, to me, that he went to the GUM clinic and received news that he has/had something and is doing his course of antibiotics and then two week wait until he's tested again to be clear....

Eilasor · 14/06/2017 22:09

I had to do this when I met DH... (I lied and said results were neg)

Ratatatouille · 14/06/2017 22:13

Ratatouille have you had sex before?

Well aren't you a charmer I have children so maybe that answers your question.

The comparisons I made are perfectly valid. It usually is fairly obvious if a man has an erection, however I was responding to a PP who advocated just sticking your hand down a guy's pants to check how big his penis is, even if he's told you he wants to take it slowly.

Ratatatouille · 14/06/2017 22:13

Ratatouille have you had sex before?

Well aren't you a charmer I have children so maybe that answers your question.

Coffeegrain · 14/06/2017 22:17

Maybe this guy has had bad experiences, maybe it's nerves, perhaps hecwants to be sure this time. You need to respect him. If it's not enough for you then move on. Can't help thinking how responses would be different if it was the other way around.

fortunacookie · 14/06/2017 22:47

Buggeroff when you met were you 15 though?

Sorry but it's too long to wait for the goods...I'd have got bored weeks ago

Original poster

Dipsy86 · 14/06/2017 23:00

Thanks everyone. I think this is the most I have ever had a response on a post. I will keep you all posted as to what happens.

OP posts:

Onecutefox · 14/06/2017 23:14

One ex was frustrated with me for not having sex with him for the first three months. Well, at the time I followed The Rules so had to make it work .
He also thought something was wrong with me and in fact it was quite annoying to hear it as what is three months? Nothing really. People used to go out for a year without sex and then get married and now you're expected to do it nearly the first week.

mumndad37 · 14/06/2017 23:19

I remember a guy like this.... he had "gender identity confusion" After I read Eugenides book, "Middlesex" it all made sense.....

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/06/2017 23:50

PLEASE update OP after you've had a chat jumped on him

Graceflorrick · 15/06/2017 00:03

Definitely STI concerns or body issues.

cakecakecheese · 15/06/2017 08:30

I'm surprised at the amount of people that would find just kissing boring, I love a good snog, could do it for hours without it leading to anything else. Maybe this guy is the same? I hope you can talk about it and either find out what's going on or actually have some sex soon!

PowerPantsRule · 15/06/2017 08:55

Ford I looked up smh as I was curious - woah - the things you learn on mumsnet.

For the uninitiated, sph is small penis humiliation where a client gets his kicks from being humiliated about the small size of his penis and thinking about his wife enjoying sex with a man with a much larger penis.

DirtyChaiLatte · 15/06/2017 09:01

I agree with Ratatouille.

Whatever his reasons (even if they are undisclosed) for wanting to take it slowly should be respected.

If you don't like that then talk to him or move on. He has the same right as a woman to not have sex with someone until he's ready.

LilyMcClellan · 15/06/2017 09:07

Don't want to add to the negative chorus but something similar happened to me. Just when I was about to give up, it all happened, and it was great. So I figured I was being over-sensitive.

Eventually it came out that he had actually been dating someone else all that time and was dragging his heels on getting into bed until he made his choice.

He thought it was gentlemanly, and couldn't grasp why I wasn't more thrilled that I had "won" him.

Worth considering as a possibility.

Isetan · 15/06/2017 09:11

I don't get that in a relationship of equals it's the responsibility/ entitlement of the man 'to make the first move'. It's 2017 for Christs sake, how utterly depressing that the gender stereotype (of men always wanting sex) still applies. If you want to sleep with him, tell him you want to sleep with him and be open to his reasoning if he isn't ready. Though to be honest, if your already getting bored after three dates, I really don't see how sex is going to make him more interesting .

The entitlement surrounding sex is astounding.

RockyBird · 15/06/2017 09:12

I had similar though 8 weeks not 6 months.

It was his 8==D size he was shy about.

Isetan · 15/06/2017 09:13

Start sis you mean to go on and talk honestly about your expectations. The whole point of dating is testing your compatibilities.

SweetLuck · 15/06/2017 09:22

perhaps he REALLY likes you and has respect for you

I wouldn't like the idea that 'respecting' me = not having sex with me.

The only bloke I knew who wanted to wait and 'establish an emotional connection' with me before sex, had a micro penis.

keepingonrunning · 15/06/2017 09:27

He's not being straight with you about the reason.
It's for you to decide if that is a good omen for the future.

Xanadu44 · 15/06/2017 09:45

Maybe it's just been built up in to this big thing now (excuse the pun) so he feels quite pressured. I don't think it sounds sinister, especially as you knew him before. I think he genuinely sounds like he likes you and didn't want to ruin the friendship so is making sure. Just go with it and see how it goes. Good luck!!

Itsreallyme · 15/06/2017 09:46

Yes perhaps he is on treatment after his visit to the clinic and has to wait for the all clear

LottieandMia · 15/06/2017 10:04

This is not normal behaviour. Of course it's wrong to pressure someone for sex but normal men want to have sex with the woman they're dating. That's just a fact.

He's either got a very small penis or he's a narcissist who is using sex as a way to control you.

bananasplitbothways · 15/06/2017 10:06

Whatever the explanation something is going which he's not telling you. This won't establish trust after such a lacklustre start and IIWM I would move on.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 ··· 20 21