I have seriously hurt DH - What do I do?

[HannahWayes]

Haven't seen DH for a week (long time for us), he's back from business hunting over seas and we were thrilled to be together again, as always.

Lovely dinner, etc etc. I went to the loo and popped back to see he was on my iPad. He was on my FB and saw my ex pop up in recent searches. His facial expression looked hurt. I asked what was wrong and he said "you tell me, or better yet, have a look for yourself".

I did and the page was on my recent searches. Gulp.

I cannot believe I was silly enough to do this, and even worse, leave it around in full view for him to see. I'm devastated.

I searched my ex today out of curiosity. I wondered what he must be doing now. I have no feelings for him, but his existence passed my mind in fleeting today and I searched him.

I'm pregnant with DH's child. I love him and would put my life on the line for him and this baby. He is everything to me.

Where do I go from here? Should he LTB?

I told DH I'm so sorry if it's hurt you and I really do mean it. He said "well it's all just bollocks. Go have your bath you were running".

I'm in tears here in the bath. I don't know what I've done.

As for the FB searching, he wasn't snooping. He doesn't have FB and uses mine to search for his brother/sister and see what his nieces and nephews are up to.

The names you search do pop up.

Wait, wait, wait! You turned on the lights and started changing the sheets when he was already in bed trying to sleep?

I'd be cross about that!

Looking for ex on FB, not a big deal. Turfing a man out of his bed when he's just got back from a trip away, big deal!

Another one baffled by the decision to 'need to change the sheets' when someone else is already in bed.
That can't have helped.... what were you thinking?!?!?
On the main point you massively overreacted to his minor overreaction.

This all sounds really ridiculous.

I'm friends with my ex on Facebook, even my dh is friends with him on Facebook!

He sounds like a controlling twat. He wants you to be begging for forgiveness. For NOTHING. And what the fuck was he doing searching through your Facebook account anyway? I don't like this kind of invasion of privacy.

I wonder if the massive overreaction is projection? Maybe he's done something he shouldn't?

Very odd, OP - as many others have said, it's not a LTB crime to look up other people on FB.

It is very odd to change the sheets when someone is already in the bed - one more night won't kill anyone!

It is a red flag to pick a fight over nothing, and strop off to sleep on the sofa - especially if he's been away. Possible projection going on, or avoidance of something.

I sometimes look up ex boyfriends and have three of them
On my Facebook too !! But it's usually, if I'm still hurt by them, to see if they're failing badly in life but those I have on FB are very old boyfriends and feel zero for them anyway, it's a non issue for me really.

If this man was abusive it would be ridiculous for your partner to think it
Was anything other than curiosity perhaps hoping he's had his comeuppance!!

I couldn't be arsed with this

Very confused by you deciding to change the sheets, when it sounds like he was already in bed and wanted you to switch off the light quickly so he could sleep. No wonder he stropped off.

The Facebook stuff is just overblown. You both need to calm down.

This is... rather ridiculous on his part. I feel like he is doing a deliberate guilt trip too

Hi all, Update -

DH showered etc for work this morning, and got dressed in silence.

He asked me to open the main gate as he doesn't have the key for it. I did so and asked "What's going on, you're not yourself and you are never like this with me".

He said "What's going on is I'm late for work, now please help me get there by opening the gate".

I did this and said "Why have you got your overnight bag packed?"

He said he was going tonight because he had things to do on Saturday, like view the new house. The house is near where his Mum and family live.

I said we would be doing that together surely? And he said "Well let me know if your dad is going to look at the venue or not, if so I'll go with but if not I'll travel back and you should stay here to look at it tomorrow whilst I see the house".

The venue is a party for an after wedding thing.

He has never acted like this with me before. We never leave upset at each other.

I just don't know what to do. We live in London. Chances are nothing would happen. But, if it did, I didn't even get the chance to say I love him

I always dreamt about my exes when I was pregnant - it was as though my brain was filing people away ready for changes. Possibly that's why your ex popped up? I imagine everyone's looked exes up - especially the horrible ones, in the hope they have aged badly and look miserable.

Take a breath Hannah, it's all getting too intense.

Step back and work out what is wrong. Some of your behaviour is a little odd.

Step back and work out what is wrong. Some of your behaviour is a little odd.

What of my behaviour is a little odd?

His behaviour is very odd. I wonder what he's been up to?

Pen nothing I would consider suspicious.

He didn't actually go on a business trip btw. We are both living separately for a while until our new home is sorted, and I didn't want to add that in my original post for fear of being outed.

He is currently staying with his Mum. All spare to is spent with me really

Turning on the light when he was in bed, and wanting to change the sheets.
You also sound really, really tightly wound up. Sorry, I don't mean to criticise, but the original FB problem shouldn't have been a big deal, but it seems to have exploded into one.

You just seem very very anxious.

pickle he has gone to work with a packed bag and will be staying at his mums. We were suppose to be going together tomorrow.

It's all just so blown out the f proportion and I feel quite angry at it at present

So he hasn't been overseas, he's been at his mums? And he's going to look at the new house near his mum, and your dad is going to look at the venue?

Oh, ok. I'm just getting confused.

His reaction is odd and an entire overreaction. You did not to anything wrong.

Other posters are merely wondering whether he is hiding something

Astonished pretty much everyone says "everyone does this, it's what Facebook is for!"

I wonder if it's a gender thing (and I mean that seriously)? I'm a man and I have been on Facebook 10 years and I've never looked up any exes. Not that there have been loads but it would never, ever enter my mind to do so. I never wonder what they are doing now because that's part of my past, I don't need to know.

That's not to say I don't think he's gone OTT because he has but I have to be honest and say I'd feel a bit hurt if my partner was Facebooking previous partners because I just don't understand why you'd want to. I'd certainly feel a bit unsettled.

Eh?

FB is all about looking people up. My exes are mainly blocked but my ex's DW3 (I wasn't one of the 3 thank fuck) came up on my people you may know in her wedding frock, looking lovely and normal, poor thing. I have utterly no interest in him but still had a good look through the wedding pics. Interestingly none of his side attended this one.

Overreaction.

pickle Correct.

Except we were both viewing the new house originally, and both seeing the venue originally.

He left without so much as a kiss on the cheek and he always says I love you. He did not today.

I'm anxious, yes. I have been abused in a relationship previously and trying to get my head around what to do.