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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Another Boring Prostitute/Husband one :(

675 replies

wotabastard · 30/05/2017 21:40

Opened H's gmail on his laptop totally innocuously to access mine and low and behold there was an email from u k pun tin a registration email from last Monday = (don't want to link back to that scum) As you can imagine, well, I'm shattered. Two dd's, married 2013, together over 10 years. Did some digging and managed to change his password so I could access his account but there is nothing to be seen, he's not participating in any threads at all.

I was hoping there would be a private messaging thing so I could get some cast iron proof of whatever he's engaging in, but nothing, or am I missing something? I came and did some digging here and read a few threads on the subject, saw someone advising to enter username and adultwork into google, another escort site, to find feedback, so I entered his username for the other site, and he has five positive feedback listed from 2013- April 2016 on there.
His account is not active on there though anymore, so I imagine he can easily bullshit that away, though one of the girls is literally a 10 minute from us, the others all in local cities.

I'm angry I don't have clear and irrefutable proof of communications etc. I want to be able to nail the bastard up to a fucking wall with the evidence when I confront him.

I have taken photos of everything I have found on my phone and will keep them safe until needed.

I logged out of the website I changed the password for and deleted all search history of my snooping. When he tries to log in I doubt he will suspect me, he's likely to brush it off as a glitch or attempted hack or something. He also doesn't know the password to my laptop or phone. Not out of me hiding anything, just well, WE TRUSTED EACH OTHER. What a joke.

We have been having tons of amazing sex recently too. Like, soul joining in love sex. What a dickhead.

Any advice? I'm going to get a full STI exam on Friday morning.

OP posts:
CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 31/05/2017 12:35

What an utter cunt - and I don't use that word lightly.

So sorry this is happening to you and your kids.

isitjustme2017 · 31/05/2017 12:49

Massive hugs to you. So sorry you are going through this, I can't imagine how you must feel. What a complete scumbag. You will be WELL rid of him

ArchiesMamaBird · 31/05/2017 12:58

Oh how awful OP. What an utter, utter bastard. I cannot imagine what you are going through right now, I am feeling so angry and I don't even know you personally.

You WILL get through this, and you WILL come out of this a stronger person. Sending lots of love to you and your children Flowers

ButtonMushroomEx · 31/05/2017 13:08

Sending you virtual hugs OP, and some positive vibes. I am through to the other side of your situation.

You can leave him, and live a better life, please believe me.

Be prepared for him to use all the emotional blackmail in the books now as he'll be shitting bricks.

It will all be your fault (it's not), lots of men do it, he didn't have an affair, it's not real cheating, just a transaction (oh yeah I heard it all), you don't give the right kind of sex, you care more about the kids than me, if you had sex more often it wouldn't happen, you've let yourself go....

All designed to alleviate him of any responsibility for his own actions, make you feel like shit and then you won't leave him.

Stay strong sweetheart Flowers

number1wang · 31/05/2017 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CalmItKermitt · 31/05/2017 14:26

Well done op. You're amazing 💐

bloodymaria · 31/05/2017 15:04

You're doing the right thing keeping your cards close to your chest - it's amazing how calm you're being, I would be in bits! Flowers

2littlemoos · 31/05/2017 16:36

How awful OP Flowers I am so glad you have the right support!

Get him out and start your new life. Just to reenforce that, you will have a new life. It seems shit now but it will get better WineCakeBrew

SweetLuck · 31/05/2017 16:42

Well done for getting the evidence, what are your plans now?

PoorYorick · 31/05/2017 16:45

You're smart and on the ball. I'm so sorry for what has happened but you clearly have the strength and wits to handle it.

EveEveEve · 31/05/2017 17:42

This is SO horrific for you - so sorry you're going through this.
It's a while (before Internet) since my exh did same - I'm horrified by the feedback idea Shock 'How did I do?' ??
Can't imagine what that feels like finding feedback on your husband's infidelity...

Welshmaenad · 31/05/2017 17:52

You are handling this so incredibly well, your children are very lucky to have you.

Nail him to the wall.

WellErrr · 31/05/2017 17:59

How awful Flowers

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 31/05/2017 18:00

"Letting yourself go" love that one. No darling. Turning into a sordid inadequate shitbag who is capable of enjoying sexual he's had to pay for - now that's letting standards slip.
Stay strong op

YourHandInMyHand · 31/05/2017 18:02

What an absolute bell end!!!

Glad you have family support, definitely get all your ducks in a row if you can manage to sit on it while you find out what to do for best

ColossalKalamari · 31/05/2017 18:05

Flowers for you op

ICanEatWhat · 31/05/2017 18:24

Oh no, what an utter bastard Angry

I hope you're OK OP. Take your time preparing your next moves. As much as you want to scream and shout and want it over with asap you're much better off (and more in control) once you've got a plan.

Keep your head held high FlowersFlowersFlowers

OnTheRise · 31/05/2017 19:17

Dear lord, what a scumbag he is.

You are doing brilliantly. You have collected all the proof you need, you are holding it together for your children, you are doing more than coping. You are MAGNIFICENT. I would be proud to know you.

I hope you're ok. You're doing good.

Shayelle · 31/05/2017 19:48

Sending you strength and love op. What a horrendous discovery. Please take care of yourself x

annielouise · 31/05/2017 20:05

So sorry for you. What hell. You think you know someone and they do this. You deserve better.

MartinaMartini · 31/05/2017 20:11

Well done for getting the proof you needed to avoid him playing the 'I only looked' card in the future.

Now get all your financial proof asap if you can manage it before you kick his star to the kerb.

So sorry this has happened to you. What a shitbag. You're well rid....x

MartinaMartini · 31/05/2017 20:11

^arse

mermaidsandunicorns · 31/05/2017 20:17

Oh darling what an awful thing sending you love and strength

He's a bellend

Hotwaterbottle1 · 31/05/2017 20:42

Sending Cake & Flowers

user1466690252 · 31/05/2017 20:43

you are doing brilliantly.