Another Boring Prostitute/Husband one :(

[wotabastard]

Opened H's gmail on his laptop totally innocuously to access mine and low and behold there was an email from u k pun tin a registration email from last Monday = (don't want to link back to that scum) As you can imagine, well, I'm shattered. Two dd's, married 2013, together over 10 years. Did some digging and managed to change his password so I could access his account but there is nothing to be seen, he's not participating in any threads at all.

I was hoping there would be a private messaging thing so I could get some cast iron proof of whatever he's engaging in, but nothing, or am I missing something? I came and did some digging here and read a few threads on the subject, saw someone advising to enter username and adultwork into google, another escort site, to find feedback, so I entered his username for the other site, and he has five positive feedback listed from 2013- April 2016 on there.
His account is not active on there though anymore, so I imagine he can easily bullshit that away, though one of the girls is literally a 10 minute from us, the others all in local cities.

I'm angry I don't have clear and irrefutable proof of communications etc. I want to be able to nail the bastard up to a fucking wall with the evidence when I confront him.

I have taken photos of everything I have found on my phone and will keep them safe until needed.

I logged out of the website I changed the password for and deleted all search history of my snooping. When he tries to log in I doubt he will suspect me, he's likely to brush it off as a glitch or attempted hack or something. He also doesn't know the password to my laptop or phone. Not out of me hiding anything, just well, WE TRUSTED EACH OTHER. What a joke.

We have been having tons of amazing sex recently too. Like, soul joining in love sex. What a dickhead.

Any advice? I'm going to get a full STI exam on Friday morning.

stand tall, OP.

Your next life is on the other side of this conversation

@wotabastard time to get your Tarintino on again lady. You can do this. You ARE in control and THIS IS NOT YOUR DOING.

You ok Wot? I expect you feel drained. He doesnt get to put any guilt on you!!

Decide on a routine for the girls, everything else can be left for now. Arrange for him to see the girls regularly, at set times that suits you both whilst allowing - what matters most - the girls, to see their dad regularly.

He's reeling, the enormity of what he's losing is starting to hit him, so like I said a few pages back, you might wobble because he might try and minimise this. You need to stay strong and resolute.

This is not your fault, it's his and his alone. Don't go down that road, it's distracting, painful and a waste of time.

And please don't get involved in what he tells people, it directs energy you need for you and the girls. He will tell people a very watered down version of the truth, because he's ashamed and won't be able to face their disgust. You know the truth as does he, and this is your focus. Others can be put straight later, either by you, or a trusted family member/friend.

You both need to put your own feelings aside and prioritise the girls as your only concern today.

You're a strong lady, you're doing the right thing, but don't wear yourself out with self blame or ensuring that others now the truth. You don't need others to know to validate this. You know, that's all that matters for now.

Small steps.
Take care x

Sending you. Don't let him worm his way back.

If he brings up your dad calling again say to him

"Imagine in 20 years time, when your DD calls you crying saying her partner cheated on her with prostitutes. How would you feel?"

What did his sister say to you when you told her the truth? I hope everyone is giving him shit!! X

wot

Take no shit today, not that you need told you've done an amazing job so far.

Have you spoken to a divorce lawyer yet? Please do before you start talking about anything practical with him with regards to finance or your home.

Thinking of you Wot it's all about the DDs from here on.

Good luck today. You've got this.

You're amazing Wot. I've been following since your first post and I think you're such an amazing role model for your children. They will learn from you how important it is to respect yourself and demand that of others. They will of course find the adjustment hard but they will learn from this to take no shit. I hope you were able to stay strong this morning with the shithead.

And do NOT let him get away with telling them that 'mummy and daddy don't love each other anymore'
That's simply not true and puts some of the blame on you.
Which none of it is.
Good luck.

Hope it goes ok this morning op

I hope his sister is thoroughly disgusted by him. I think I'd struggle to speak to my siblings for a long time if they did something like that.

Good luck this morning hope you get something sorted plan wise with your girls.

Thinking of you today. You have been beyond amazing. I had to sit with my exH and 3 DC and have THAT conversation and every time I think about it I want to hurt him very very badly and that was 8 years ago. But guess what...I couldn't be closer to my DC now and they tell me all the time what a great parent I've been to them and they don't know what they'd do without me. Don't think they say that to him...

Sending you all the strength in the world (not that you need it!)

I've read your thread with horror, I'm so sorry at what has happened here. Don't ever blame yourself one iota for any of what follows - this man is despicable.

It must be so hard to believe that you see a 'father' - especially to girls - when you look at a man like this, and that must be a killer for you as a mother to them. I have no real words of advice except that every post you make shows that your childrens' wellbeing is uppermost in your thoughts and so I am sure you will make the right decisions when it comes to his time with them. That will probably not equate to what he wants, but please don't doubt yourself. There IS something to be said here about what his attitude must be to women, and I would not be able to completely lay that aside when discussing what he wants, what he sees his place as now, and how he can look you in the eye when you ask him whether he'd want a prostitute-abusing man as a role model for your daughters.

'killing me not seeing the girls all day'

'Please don't send me any more communications which only highlight further that you see some women as there to cherish and some as there to use. I don't want to think about my daughters having to settle for that as a father any more than I have to.'

I would want to underline that to him. Before the minimising starts.

Very hard for you.

Thinking of you, Wot. I'm in total awe of you and
when all this devastation subsides and you're in calmer waters
you'll be so very proud of how you took this on and dealt with it.
Your beloved girls won't go far wrong with you to guide them.
Good luck today lovey.

Should I go in to school tomorrow and advise that we have told dd what is happening in case she acts up or gets distressed? Not told her yet just trying to cover all bases.

We are going to sit her down and talk this afternoon, he is off today and tomorrow, tomorrow he is going to collect her from school and take her swimming we think. Obviously if she wants to, is ready to.

He's being completely agreeable and keeps reiterating he is so so sorry.

I think so. No need to go into detail, just you've split up and she's just been told. Is the split definitely going to be permanent though or are you going to express it as time apart for a while and then possibly either try again or split for good? Letting her know in stages might be good (no idea) even if you know it's going to be permanent.

Is he being the least bit contrite?

Yes .keep the school in the loop so that can keep an eye out for her.

Sorry, just saw your update with him saying he's sorry. Sorry he got caught. What on earth was he thinking. Not about you and your DDs that's for sure.

Hello Wot I've been lurking on this thread - really admire your strength and determination. Your girls are lucky to have you.
As a primary school teacher, please definitely do tell them. You don't need to give them any details- just that you're splitting up and dad has moved out is enough. It will mean they can support her and contact you if she's having a bad day etc.
for you

keeps reiterating he is so so sorry
He had this secret 'hobby' for some time, knowing that it would destroy you and break up his family if you find out, yet he blithely carried on indulging himself
He is only sorry that he got caught

He has showed you that he is perfectly able to lie and live a double life, why should you believe his apologies?

Yes, I'd tell school, I did this for both my dc when I split from my dh, the school just kept an eye on them and let me know if they saw any behavioural issues that might be as a result. They were brilliant actually and helped lots. They can also arrange councilling for you dc if you feel it would help.