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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Another Boring Prostitute/Husband one :(

675 replies

wotabastard · 30/05/2017 21:40

Opened H's gmail on his laptop totally innocuously to access mine and low and behold there was an email from u k pun tin a registration email from last Monday = (don't want to link back to that scum) As you can imagine, well, I'm shattered. Two dd's, married 2013, together over 10 years. Did some digging and managed to change his password so I could access his account but there is nothing to be seen, he's not participating in any threads at all.

I was hoping there would be a private messaging thing so I could get some cast iron proof of whatever he's engaging in, but nothing, or am I missing something? I came and did some digging here and read a few threads on the subject, saw someone advising to enter username and adultwork into google, another escort site, to find feedback, so I entered his username for the other site, and he has five positive feedback listed from 2013- April 2016 on there.
His account is not active on there though anymore, so I imagine he can easily bullshit that away, though one of the girls is literally a 10 minute from us, the others all in local cities.

I'm angry I don't have clear and irrefutable proof of communications etc. I want to be able to nail the bastard up to a fucking wall with the evidence when I confront him.

I have taken photos of everything I have found on my phone and will keep them safe until needed.

I logged out of the website I changed the password for and deleted all search history of my snooping. When he tries to log in I doubt he will suspect me, he's likely to brush it off as a glitch or attempted hack or something. He also doesn't know the password to my laptop or phone. Not out of me hiding anything, just well, WE TRUSTED EACH OTHER. What a joke.

We have been having tons of amazing sex recently too. Like, soul joining in love sex. What a dickhead.

Any advice? I'm going to get a full STI exam on Friday morning.

OP posts:
MummyPigLovesAppleSauce · 04/06/2017 21:16

Oh dear. Sounds like he is going to start being a pain in the arse and playing the victim card.

ohforfoxsake · 04/06/2017 21:18

Poor man: he will, at some point, tell you you can't stop him seeing his DCs.

Wheresthattomoibabber · 04/06/2017 21:19

"Please keep your cock out of prostitutes".

PoorYorick · 04/06/2017 21:27

Tell him sex workers are also someone's daughters.

Mustang27 · 04/06/2017 21:31

He should of thought about that before sleeping with prostitutes!!! Seriously I dunno I think it's worse than banging a work colleague or someone they met in a bar. Maybe I'm wrong but it either suggests kinks he is embarrassed to tell you about or a complete lack of respect for women.

He is just going to have to get used to seeing them a lot less. I don't know how he could even look any of you in the eye especially as a father to daughters.

Do you want an explanation of why prostitution or do you kind of know from the info that you saw?

crazykitten20 · 04/06/2017 21:33

Lord. I'd have to say something to that whiny pathetic puerile comment.

'Grow up you wank stain'

Yup ... that'd work.

Original poster
wotabastard · 04/06/2017 21:39

i just sent that!
Grin

OP posts:
dontcallmethatyoucunt · 04/06/2017 21:54

I'd want to kill the cunt. You're being great OP.

Original poster
wotabastard · 04/06/2017 22:06

he's still minimising to his sister, so i sent her a message outlining the hideous facts of the matter. i feel terrible.

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/06/2017 22:06

Emotional blackmail! Urgh!

inlectorecumbit · 04/06/2017 22:07

someone had to tell his sister the truth- wankstain obviously didn't have the balls to do it himself.
How did you find out ?

KeepCalm · 04/06/2017 22:08

@wotabastard why the bloody hell do you feel miserable?!? This is NOT your doing.

And repeat after me

THIS IS NOT MY DOING

Original poster
wotabastard · 04/06/2017 22:09

I would love to get absolutely fucking hammered right now! Grin

(I have no opportunity though lol)

OP posts:
MachineBee · 04/06/2017 22:10

Don't feel bad OP. My exH was a cheater throughout our marriage and kept a lot of the details to myself as I was ashamed. I wish I'd been more open to the family about what had actually gone down. Especially as years after, it realised my own DF didn't know and had never been able to understand why we divorced. I'd assumed my DM would have told him, but she didn't.

Original poster
wotabastard · 04/06/2017 22:11

i know i know thank you

@inlectorecumbit Flowers @KeepCalm Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
wotabastard · 04/06/2017 22:13

he said my dad called him this afternoon and when he called him back it went to voicemail. Actually, he said, 'why did your dad ring me today' LMFAO why? My dad obvs realised it would do no good and hung up whatever, or maybe just to let his presence be felt without lowering himself to his level, probs scared the shit out of him though.

OP posts:
Original poster
wotabastard · 04/06/2017 22:14

thank you @machine

OP posts:
Brenna24 · 04/06/2017 22:29

Please don't feel bad. My ex was a serial cheat and I don't think his family know why we split up. At the time we did his dad was furious with him for us splitting up. I wish I had been more forthcoming with them about why (although I didn't know the half of it at the time when I ws still in touch with his family).

Don't let him play the victim either. Any "Woe is me, I am missing so much" and remind him it was his choices that put him there.

Have a big hug and a virtual Wine from me.

peaceout · 04/06/2017 22:56

killing me not seeing the girls all day
Complaining about his suffering when he is the one who has caused the crash, I suppose it's what you'd expect since he obviously puts the satisfaction of his needs above all else

He's not sorry is he, he thinks he was justified

Goodasgoldilox · 04/06/2017 23:18

On telling your older daughter:

You might begin by asking her about friends with dads that don't live with them. It isn't unusual in school - and it is a subject they talk about together.
It wouldn't be good if your two think that something they do might get them sent away. Better if their Dad explains that this is a choice he made for himself.
It wouldn't be good if they feel they did something that meant he had to leave. (The fact that other Dads end up living elsewhere might be useful here).

HelenaDove · 04/06/2017 23:44

killing me not seeing the girls all day

Awww Diddums.

Goodasgoldilox · 04/06/2017 23:52

'killing me not seeing the girls all day'

...so he is feeling a grain of the suffering he has caused you and your family/the women he used and so on.

He should get used to this - there is so much more to feel as he returns to the real world and starts to look at the damage he has caused.

Sadly, his pain will not reduce that he caused - not even by that single grain. So don't let yourself feel at all sorry for him or any sense that this makes up for anything he has done.

kittybiscuits · 04/06/2017 23:55

After everything he has done, all he can think about is his own upset at the consequences of his behaviour. Pathetic.

Here's to you OP Wine/Brew. You deserve so much more than this.

Original poster
wotabastard · 05/06/2017 06:24

He's heading over now to be here before dc wake and get them off to school/nursery. Then we will sit down and decide how to tell them. Sad

I don't want to hear anything about 'us' or what happened or how sorry he is today. He can leave that at the door. This is about the children today. Nothing more.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 05/06/2017 06:26

That's really hard. Have you decided it is definitely over? Thinking of you and your dc.