Another Boring Prostitute/Husband one :(

[wotabastard]

Opened H's gmail on his laptop totally innocuously to access mine and low and behold there was an email from u k pun tin a registration email from last Monday = (don't want to link back to that scum) As you can imagine, well, I'm shattered. Two dd's, married 2013, together over 10 years. Did some digging and managed to change his password so I could access his account but there is nothing to be seen, he's not participating in any threads at all.

I was hoping there would be a private messaging thing so I could get some cast iron proof of whatever he's engaging in, but nothing, or am I missing something? I came and did some digging here and read a few threads on the subject, saw someone advising to enter username and adultwork into google, another escort site, to find feedback, so I entered his username for the other site, and he has five positive feedback listed from 2013- April 2016 on there.
His account is not active on there though anymore, so I imagine he can easily bullshit that away, though one of the girls is literally a 10 minute from us, the others all in local cities.

I'm angry I don't have clear and irrefutable proof of communications etc. I want to be able to nail the bastard up to a fucking wall with the evidence when I confront him.

I have taken photos of everything I have found on my phone and will keep them safe until needed.

I logged out of the website I changed the password for and deleted all search history of my snooping. When he tries to log in I doubt he will suspect me, he's likely to brush it off as a glitch or attempted hack or something. He also doesn't know the password to my laptop or phone. Not out of me hiding anything, just well, WE TRUSTED EACH OTHER. What a joke.

We have been having tons of amazing sex recently too. Like, soul joining in love sex. What a dickhead.

Any advice? I'm going to get a full STI exam on Friday morning.

OP, you are doing well, and like others I admire your strength which shines out of every post.

When I was in a similar situation I found I was running on adrenaline for the first couple of weeks, also an anger that empowered me. You will, at some point dip and wonder where your earlier strength went, please, when this happens, know that it's natural and part of the process. Your inner strength will still be there, it's just your heart catching up with your head. You may feel wobbly, but ride it out.

Don't worry about what people will think. Those that matter will be disgusted by him, and who gives a shit what those that don't matter think. You are not to blame for any of this, so hold your head up high and let him take all the fallout. He did this, the shame is all his.

Agree to tell the kids soon, they're not daft, they will know something is amiss. ' Dad and me are going to spend some time apart because we haven't been happy with each other for a while, but you're still the most important people in our lives and we're always here for you and that will never change, etc' will do for now. Then reassurances that they can see dad frequently.

If you don't want people to know the stuff about prostitutes, then don't tell them. "He cheated on me" is enough for now.

My ex had an affair and I couldn't tell people the details in the early days because I couldn't cope with their disbelief because I was still trying to process and accept it myself.

But it's good you told your mum, you need that. You need her to know, she'll be disgusted and bewildered on ýour behalf, but in no way will see it as any thing other than the actions of a selfish entitled man who took a huge gamble driven by ego, and lost.

You are fine, you will be fine, but whatever you do, don't excuse or protect him.

He's coming over this evening, will get the kids to bed then talk. He knows he needs to leave if either of us get heated. I'm confident I can stay calm.

Kids are fine. I said he got home very late last night and had to get to work early this morning. Nothing too out of the ordinary so accepted with a 'cool'

My daughter told me once that I was the head of the family and the 'leader'. I really need to prove my worth to her now more than ever.

My beautiful, beautiful girls.

Hope the talk goes well this evening, stay strong.

OP I've just RTFT and you are fucking amazing, I second the poster who compared you to Wonder Woman!

Good luck Wot.

You'll hold it together. You just will.

Good luck tonight!

OP you are fucking amazing! That confrontation was the most awesome thing I've ever heard, well done. Sorry you are going through this, but you are a total inspiration.

Please don't feel ashamed telling people, it really is no reflection on you at all, he's a sleazy bastard, people will not blame you.

Just joining in the standing ovation here for you Wot 👏👏👏

Absolutely bloody amazing

Hi Wot, you mentioned that you didn't want to tell people, as they might blame you. Obviously they would be 100% wrong to, but you are right, they might.

I think it is too horrible a thought that someone might have this shitty a thing happen to them, without blame; because if you are vulnerable to it, then they might be as well.

People do prefer to imagine a failing in you, because that protects them, it means that they can still imagine that this can't happen to them. It is a horrible defence mechanism.

I hope this helps. X

Anyone blaming you isn't the sort of people you want in your life anyway so no loss, all to gain in real life support.

^^ yes to that by Joysmum

i would take your time considering who, if anyone to tell. YOUR privacy is important here and although you might be angry now I would just carefully consider what is to be gained long term.
EG if the kids find out ( other parents are notoriously indiscreet)

I'm struggling. Trying to keep busy but so close to breaking down kids in all day rainy here. I'm so angry. Still not told anyone.

The DC will cope with finding out (if they every do). So will your (proper) friends.

I found that no-one judged and everyone was horrified, including XP's family and friends. They could see how well we got on and so finding out he had a sordid double life rather destroyed their image of him as a good family man.

Have you got anyone in RL you can tell? Close friend or relative? You will feel better for some support.

Yes but I am alone with dc. If I call my mum I know I will fall apart.

Could you give them something to do and make the call? (I know one of your DDs is young, so might not be possible.) Could you ask someone to come over? It is rubbish. Keep talking on here if you don't have someone in RL. It is fine to be angry and fall apart.

Thank you. Feeling better. Sat down with deep breaths.

I hope you can distract yourself with the DDs for a while.

Anger is good but there's nothing wrong at all with falling apart either, so could you ask your mum or a friend to take the dcs out tomorrow and use the time to start contacting people you care about and telling the world? It will probably open the floodgates but it will also strengthen you with support and love. Because you're a good mum of course you want to protect your dcs from seeing the worst of your grief but don't be afraid of showing them you are very very sad. It is sad.

But for today take it minute by minute and do whatever you need to to get through. Crap on TV and feed the kids junk or hand-baked healthy snacks and brisk walks - just whatever gets you to the next minute. Don't expect yourself to be Supermum - you sound a pretty excellent one but you're human and you're allowed to feel this.

wot the type of people who would blame this on you are the ones with a misogynistic streak who think women are responsible for mens behaviour. And are not your friends even if they would class themselves as such.

But your real friends will support you and rightfully find his actions disgusting.

And its testament to the sort of lovely person you are that you have not once blamed this on the sex workers.

Because many of them will be doing it out of desperation and your DH excersised his economic position and control to get sex.

Because he sees them as something to wank off into or have sex on. He either sees every woman that way or compartmetalises them into Madonna/whore.
You are doing brilliantly and you have set an amazing example to your lovely DDs.

No, I will never blame them. it's not their look out to make sure they only deal with single customers.

Wot you are an amazing woman.

The fucking idiot does not realize what he has lost What a bloody fool.

But yes, even if he had been 'just looking' and reading the bunting site, the fact that he found that misogynistic filth entertaining to read would have ended it anyway. He is surrounded by strong females in his family and has two daughters. Despicable the way men talk on that site. And he knows how I feel about men who hate women.