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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pictures - opinions on these texts please

316 replies

newnamechange84 · 24/05/2017 22:24

Just a small snapshot of what my 'd'p sends his 'friend'. Friend or more? Opinions please - this is a long running problem

Pictures - opinions on these texts please
Pictures - opinions on these texts please
Pictures - opinions on these texts please
OP posts:
YellowPaisley · 25/05/2017 23:51

Keep coming back as much as you need! I've been in your position, your self esteem is low and he knows it. You want him to want you. You want him to say he's so sorry and it will all be a mistake. Once you take a stand he starts to grovel and you try to fight it. You know what others are saying are right, but it's the little niggling voice of what if so you relent and you tell him you love him and you don't want this situation then he knows he's won.

This happened to me before and I learnt the hard way. Your self worth and your children are worth more than what he is doing to you. Please don't let him hurt you anymore. It's hard, I know. One minute or hour or hour or day your ok then it all falls to pieces.

Turn the tables, he's feeding of your low self esteem. He wants you to want him and when you don't he runs back, then when he gets his way he's happy. Where do you come into this? He can tell you he loves you and he does want to be with you til he's blue in the face but deep down you know that's just words it's not actions.

He's a user and he will use you as long as you let him.

Don't do that anymore.

Your dc has you, my youngest is the same age so I can understand the questions and how much more sad it makes you.

The holiday... change it, take your friends and their dc with you. It's going to take big girl pants to do but you won't regret it.

Try the headspace app on your phone it's helped me no end when my mind was going crazy and I couldn't control my emotions.

It's not always as easy as LTB when your self esteem has been battered.

Start looking up. You can you this.

Fight then enjoy your holiday

YellowPaisley · 25/05/2017 23:54

Sorry for the typos my phone is playing up after being left by the kitchen sink

newnamechange84 · 26/05/2017 00:05

I feel like I may have done the wrong thing. I did love him. Why was he telling her that I didn't figure in his future yet earlier said he thought I was the one? He still won't answer me on why he was speaking to her like that. Just won't talk about it. He's threatening me with police now if I don't let him in to get his stuff tomorrow. Just shouting at me 'this is over'.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 26/05/2017 00:15

You haven't done the wrong thing. You've been strong and decisive and brave and you need to keep your nerve and protect yourself, your mental health and your draughter from this horrible man and his manipulative behaviour.

HE'S the one in the wrong. He's been horrible to and about you!

Please please stop talking to him. You don't need to see him and you need to make some space between you and him, even though it's hard, and try and focus on yourself and your little girl. He deserves nothing from you. Ignore his threats. He's panicking because he's been caught out and doesn't want to rage the consequences of his shitty underhand actions.

YellowPaisley · 26/05/2017 00:15

This is heartbreaking! You've done nothing wrong! What do you think you've done wrong? He's abusing you.

Your feeling like this because you don't want to believe what's happening to you. That's ok. Don't beat yourself up about that.

But think about how you want to feel. He is not going to give you that. Cut contact! I know it's hard but you need to.

He's a waste of space in your mind, you know this!

You said you DID love him! How can you love him now! Walk away

Hermonie2016 · 26/05/2017 00:16

He has been caught and now he's afraid of losing you without someone else to go to.He is just back pedalling to keep options open.

You haven't done the wrong thing, it hurts because he betrayed you and showed he doesn't care.Honestly no decent man talks about their partner like he does.

He doesn't respect you but it isn't you.

're his stuff, suggest a time when he can get his things..could you get a friend to be in the house with you?

You are naturally grieving BUT it truly does it better.Your sadness isn't because it's wrong.You are sad because you trusted a man, let him into your family and he let you down.

Joysmum · 26/05/2017 00:18

Here we go, cheaters script.

He now needs to blame you and see you as the bad one because he doesn't accept he was, someone has to be responsible so it'll be your fault.

DancingGoose · 26/05/2017 00:21

It sounds like you are really worried that somehow this is all your fault and you are going to be left feeling that you fucked it up somehow. And that you've lost your 'best chance' through your behaviour and if only you had done this or that it would have been okay.

If you are feeling like this, please try to believe us who have been through it all before, that it isn't you and there is nothing you could have which would have prevented this. He texted her because he wanted to. Nothing to do with you at all, and certainly NOT because you are 'not good enough'. This man is looking out for No 1 only, and probably always will do.

Ratatatouille · 26/05/2017 00:22

He's a nasty piece of work. I had thought he might go on a charm offensive but it seems his style is more bullying you into submission.

The truth is that he likes the stability that you offer (regular sex, companionship, money towards his studies and holidays, I'm guessing you do the lion's share of the household chores too) but he also thinks with his dick and has an ego that he likes stroking. So he has other girls that he talks to (and the rest). "Hey look at me, I've still got it!"

He knows that your self esteem is low and his best bet now is to shout you down. If he can be "angry" with you then he can turn the situation on its head and hopefully have you apologising and trying to get him back. It's basically deflection.

Be strong. He is abusing you. You have done nothing wrong. It's all part of his games.

YellowPaisley · 26/05/2017 00:23

Like Joysmum said.

He has no conscience or spine

noova61 · 26/05/2017 00:24

Hes threatning you...pack all his stuff up, in bags and dump it outside...lock the door and tell him everything is outside for him. DO NOT let him in the house...its your house, if anything happens you have the right to ring the police. This man is no good for you, your DD is 3, she has a father, not this peice of shite...kids are very resilient, she will be ok and so will you. Stay strong and get rid of him...hes a user, a taker, a faker and he wont ever change....Youve seen yourself what hes said and what he thinks...your kids deserve better and so do you, go on holiday with your kids, maybe take a family member with you and forget about him, he aint worth it!!

YellowPaisley · 26/05/2017 00:27

And the other two posts between that. Your not alone

PollytheDolly · 26/05/2017 00:28

I feel like I may have done the wrong thing. I did love him. Why was he telling her that I didn't figure in his future yet earlier said he thought I was the one? He still won't answer me on why he was speaking to her like that. Just won't talk about it. He's threatening me with police now if I don't let him in to get his stuff tomorrow. Just shouting at me 'this is over'.

Oh tell him to fuck off. Don't worry about the police you've don't nothing wrong. Leave his stuff outside. - Polly

My husband (who has been following this with me) says it's not right to have a "lady friend" like that when you have a partner at home to talk to so you're better off without him. You don't do what he's done if you love someone - Pollys husband

My DH is more polite than me Grin

newnamechange84 · 26/05/2017 00:32

Thank you for all your advice. I know everything you all say is right but I just thought he would care, would actually want to try and salvage this. He's not happy about what I put on FB at all. Told me people have been ringing him worried for hours. I tried so hard with his kids too. It's such a mess. It's always a mess, I loved him so much I'm just aching. Have hardly slept since Wednesday night and I feel so disgusting. I've had to apologise to him before, yes this kind of felt like that...

OP posts:
newnamechange84 · 26/05/2017 00:34

Polly - your husband is so right. I just wish all men were the same. I seem to have met two not like that at all.

OP posts:
PollytheDolly · 26/05/2017 00:36

Don't you dare apologise to him!

He's got you like this, arsehole. It's a cliche but honestly darling it's not you, It's HIM!

Hanban16 · 26/05/2017 00:42

It's all mind games. Be strong, the worst is over! The fact that he messaged her before he messaged you back speaks volumes. Xxx

PollytheDolly · 26/05/2017 00:43

Polly - your husband is so right. I just wish all men were the same. I seem to have met two not like that at all.

Oh he has his faults (I am telling him what you've just said and he said oh no, I can be a right ** "expletive" sometimes ) but we both think you deserve so much better xx

Ginger782 · 26/05/2017 00:52

OP what did you put on Facebook and why?

I can't stand it when people air their dirty laundry on social media. This situation is in no way your fault but hang on to your dignity and stop posting on FB about it.

ImaLannister · 26/05/2017 00:56

N what's the Police going to do about you throwing him outit?! Fuck all! It's your house the stupid twat. Homie your ok. X

ImaLannister · 26/05/2017 00:57

Oh my typo is a right mess on that! Hope your ok.

PossibiliTea · 26/05/2017 00:58

Stay strong OP you are doing the right thing this will be so good for you and your DC in the long run. It feels awful and confusing now but stay strong Flowers

C0untDucku1a · 26/05/2017 01:10

What did you put on fb?

It will be much easier much quicker if you just block him on wverything.

MyOtherProfile · 26/05/2017 06:01

Ok you want to know why he was texting the other woman? Because he fancies her and thought he could get away with it. You need to stop communicating with him. Don't put anything on Facebook and don't blame yourself. He has been a rat and has betrayed you. That's all about him and how low he is. It's not your fault. I know you and your little girl will miss him but you will get over it. Don't look to have him back. Maybe go see your doctor to talk things through and see if you can get any help, and talk to a real life friend but step right away from him.

sheepashwap · 26/05/2017 06:26

OP my good friend is going through something similar, with the same type of guy.

Him cheating and wanting to isn't because there's a single thing wrong with you, it's because of HIS ISSUES. He is the one with problems.

If you've got a student loan I'm guessing you're at uni, in which case you may have access to counselling at a very low rate (or even free) through student welfare. Please take it.

My friend's ex also made her think she was crazy (and he was a psychiatrist Shock). She wasn't and isn't. But these men cause so much damage, it's very hard to undo on your own.

And you have just done a brilliant thing for your daughter. She now no longer has that shitty role model around. The same goes for your other children.

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