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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He had an affair...breaking out the Ben & Jerry's (2)

907 replies

Syc4moreTrees · 24/05/2017 11:05

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/2914533-If-hes-having-an-affair?

Not sure if I've managed to create a link to the old thread...someone more tech savvy can maybe help me out a little bit if not?

The old thread closed before i could thank you all again for all the collective wisdom, it's been a very surreal month to say the least, but it's been crazy how much support you can get from a bunch of lovely strangers.

So thanks!! You're all awesome!

OP posts:
UnicornSparkles1 · 19/06/2017 14:56

Congratulations my arse. She wants him to know that she's ready and available. My money is on the gaming cronies.

UnicornSparkles1 · 19/06/2017 14:57

Or she's a mumsnet user...

ItsNachoCheese · 19/06/2017 14:59

Congratulations on baby trees and in regard to OW id twat her over the head with her pc then do the same to Wanker Husband

Syc4moreTrees · 19/06/2017 15:02

My guess is that he's told his gaming friends and they've told her? Or is that just the best case scenario that I want to believe. If she's a MN'er I'll have to bury my head in a deep hole!

WH has a website for work but doubt he's added a post about the baby, and neither of us are facebookers. WH has Instagram but again that's work related so no baby announcements.

It's just made me feel a bit sicky. WH is on route...

OP posts:
UnicornSparkles1 · 19/06/2017 15:08

It's more likely that it's his gaming friends. I can't imagine not telling friends that you've had a baby, so one of them has probably passed on the news. WH needs to take some responsibility and wheedle out the gossiper and tell them to stop feeding her with information.

I'm so sorry that she won't just have some dignity and go away.

Mustang27 · 19/06/2017 15:14

Don't say a word hand him your laptop to read the email and see what that daft fucker says!!!

What an actual bitch if a woman that's lower than low to message you knowing full well you have just had a baby. I honestly want to rip her eyes from her head!!!

It is a threat without a doubt. She is saying watch your back without actually saying it. If she is a Mumsnet user!!! She should know to tread very carefully as there are not many mn users that would have an issue shoving her over a bridge.

HanShootsFirst · 19/06/2017 15:14

This is probably her way of getting the message to your WH that she's divorcing and available. Now she's not the bad guy breaking the rules and contacting him, but if you were to go ballistic and confront him about the email, he finds out anyway. And she's hoping he picks her.

How do you feel about that, OP? What effect does the idea of him picking her have on you?

BengalGal · 19/06/2017 15:24

I think she might have learned from him and she's trying to stir things up....unless he posted it on Facebook and she's friends with him there. It's far to quick to learn...

BengalGal · 19/06/2017 15:26

I'm sure it's not mumsnet. She'd be feeling too guilty if it was.

BengalGal · 19/06/2017 15:26

Maybe he has a secret Facebook. Get one yourself and check.

Naicehamshop · 19/06/2017 15:26

I would tell him that she has emailed, and say how pissed off you are with him and her. Don't show him the actual email.

BengalGal · 19/06/2017 15:28

Just ask him if he told any gaming friends. Then say you know that is a direct line to her and she's been in touch with me today. If it happens again I will kill you.

SnootBoops · 19/06/2017 15:29

I second BenGal's suggestion!

JaneEyre70 · 19/06/2017 15:33

Oh my god, she is completely heartless to send a woman whose just had a baby an email to say congratulations. I'd put money on him still talking to her sadly. She will be lavishing sympathy on him that no one else is whilst letting him know she's now available........ I'm so angry you're dealing with his crap days after giving birth. He really is a WH.

KeziaOAP · 19/06/2017 15:33

Bloody OW!! she's stirring, sit on your hands. WH needs to cease feeding personal details to his game pals.

SnootBoops · 19/06/2017 15:38

He also needs to give up the gaming completely now, no ifs or buts. There needs to be no connection to her at all whether direct or indirect

shittymctwatface · 19/06/2017 16:00

Why would you give a flying fuck that she is divorcing?!!

Did she send it to you both or blind copy in? She is letting him know she is single, she assumes he will now come running.

I would tell him that her sending a msg like that to you is cruel and you feel she is harassing you now (put in better solicitor speak!) if that is the kind of woman he finds attractive, you have even less respect for him. Also, you do not believe that a woman as callous as that is fit to be around your beautiful children and going forward an agreement must be signed that she is not to be present during his contact time until you both agree to it.

Do you know if she has kids?

If she is a mum netter and reading this - be ashamed bitch! What goes around comes around.

duckaduck · 19/06/2017 16:03

He'll still be in contact with her. He's not going to chuck all his eggs out of the basket is he?
I doubt she's getting divorced too. I think she's said that to cover her tracks.

What an utterly vile woman. She won't be able to stand the fact that your WH is giving you and baby all his thoughts and not her.

She just wants to twist the knife. God, that's made me furious!!

rainbowstardrops · 19/06/2017 16:07

Firstly, congratulations on baby sapling! Flowers
I've just caught up in this thread after reading most of your last one.

I would definitely advise not making any huge decisions just yet but I also wouldn't be letting WH waltz back in after everything he's caused.

OW emailing a congratulations is just plain WRONG!!!!!

I'd be having choice words with WH.

By the way ....... you're absolutely fricking amazing!!!! Grin

ohfourfoxache · 19/06/2017 16:14

SHE DID WHAT???? Shock Angry

Enough is enough. You will know the legalities etc far better than me, but is some form of restraining order possible?

If the information has been disseminated via the gaming group then he needs to stop completely now - no excuses

StormTreader · 19/06/2017 16:47

Shes angling to be your mate with "we are now sisters united in singleness!" so that she can be around him to pick him up.

KeziaOAP · 19/06/2017 17:03

I'm not tech minded but can emails be blocked other than sending straight to spam?

BengalGal · 19/06/2017 17:07

Different email providers have different ways of doing it, but yes, she could be blocked. Or you could have an automatic response set up, e.g. "Fuck off bitch!! ! I've set my mail to immediately delete any message from you. If you persist trying to contact me I will organize a restraining order. "

annielouise · 19/06/2017 17:23

What an utter bitch! And stupid.

chopchopchop · 19/06/2017 17:26

There's more to it than her just being single, or wanting to stir things up, or wanting to tell WH that she's available (whether that's true or not).

She's jealous of what you have and she wants to spoil your lovely post-birth time with your baby. (This may be because WH has said to her that the baby has made him reconsider his priorities, or it may just be because the emotions are all hers).

Don't do anything other than reply to her to say, please do not contact me again. Don't show the email to WH, just in case he does not know about the divorce. I'd just say, OW has emailed me and then fall silent.

If he asks what she said, say, what do you think she said? He's been, at best, disingenuous so far, so it's your chance to find out what he thinks is going on.

But the flip side of this is that it might not be his doing, and more down to her trying to elbow in one more time. But I'd probably be getting someone else in to help, rather than him for the next few days, just to give him the message that any kind of out of order-ness will push him away for good.

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