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If he's having an affair?

(1000 Posts)
Syc4moreTrees Thu 27-Apr-17 17:52:31

My DH was involved in a car accident this morning, and has had to have surgery for some internal injuries.

He's stable but unconscious. I've been in a massive flap all day and don't quite know if I'm coming or going. I broke my phone in all the commotion when I heard about the accident and grabbed DH's iPad so I could text the older kids whilst they're with my IL's and update them on their dad.

His iPad has the thumbprint ID thing but I just put his thumb on it to unlock (I thought that was a stroke of genius but now I wish I hadn't)

Ive found a long string of messages on some app called "Line" which I have never heard of, which are quite explicitly sexual in content. The photo of the other person is an attractive young woman. Feel very sick and wish I had never seen it.

Is this going to turn out to be an affair? I'm so confused right now, he's been seriously injured and I don't know what to do. I feel ill with worry but I'm also angry and confused, my whole body feels too warm and a bit tingly.

Do I text this woman and ask what's going on, or wait for him to be awake and explain?

Syc4moreTrees Thu 27-Apr-17 17:53:56

Also, is it likely this is just a sort of spam thing? Like those emails that ask if you want some viagra etc? 🤦🏻‍♀️

underitoveritthroughit Thu 27-Apr-17 17:55:45

No sure what to say to you syc4 sad

Are you alone?
Please call someone you know and trust to come and be with you before you do anything else.

I'm so sorry.

underitoveritthroughit Thu 27-Apr-17 17:56:50

It might be nothing but you need support either way.

Please call a friend or your mum/sister/whoever to be with you x

underitoveritthroughit Thu 27-Apr-17 17:58:47

Are you still there syc4?

ImperialBlether Thu 27-Apr-17 17:59:01

I'm so sorry you're in this position, OP. It's a nightmare.

I've looked up 'Line' and it allows free messaging and voice or video calls. It doesn't seem to be a dating app or anything like that. However, if he's communicating with a woman via it, it might be a way of messages and calls not showing up on his call register.

underitoveritthroughit Thu 27-Apr-17 17:59:55

I'm about to have 2 dc to deal with so I might disappear.

Hopefully someone else will handhold.

MariafromMalmo Thu 27-Apr-17 18:00:23

It isn't spam and it is dodgy. So so sorry.

I know it is horrific, but I would use the time to gather information should you decide to divorce.

Hidingtonothing Thu 27-Apr-17 18:01:29

I wouldn't do anything right now OP, you must be in shock over the accident alone and dealing with that is quite enough for anyone. Hard though it will be I would try to put everything else on one side for the time being. Agree you need someone with you, is there someone you can call?

underitoveritthroughit Thu 27-Apr-17 18:01:45

Don't do anything hasty.

It's not important right now.

Get someone with you that you can trust. Please.

ImperialBlether Thu 27-Apr-17 18:02:01

I wouldn't text her, either, OP. This is your life and your marriage; it's nothing to do with her.

Jellybean85 Thu 27-Apr-17 18:04:43

So sorry, really sounds like at least an emotional affair
What an awful time for you

Syc4moreTrees Thu 27-Apr-17 18:06:02

on a side note does anyone know how to turn off the flipping thumb id thing, the bloody iPad keeps locking and I now feel like a total plank opening it when's he's unconscious.

Does it count as an invasion of his privacy if he's been chatting with some other woman?

Can anyone offer an innocent explanation before I smother him with his hospital pillow? 😬

228agreenend Thu 27-Apr-17 18:07:35

I'm sorryntomhear that your dh has been involved in an accident and I hope he recovers quickly.

Line seems to be a way of communicating with people. As Imperial says, it's not a dating site as such. However, the fact that your husband has been using it to contact someone is not good.

The chances are the photo is a false photo. Ie.not who,he is actually communicating with, although he may believe he is chatting to a young lady.. Could she be a call girl?

I'll be honest, I don't know what I would,do,in your situation. I think I would work out two levels. Firstly, support your husband and pretend everything is fine, until he is well. Secondly, I would do more research. Has any suspicious transactions been made on your credit card? Has he been away recently?

flowers for you.

ohfourfoxache Thu 27-Apr-17 18:08:53

Trees I'm so sorry thanks

Do you have anyone in RL who could come and support you?

ImperialBlether Thu 27-Apr-17 18:09:03

You can add your own fingerprint. While it is an invasion of privacy, it's nothing like as bad as what he's done.

underitoveritthroughit Thu 27-Apr-17 18:21:31

I'm not sure there is an innocent explanation.

These chat apps are used by people who meet on dating sites like plenty of fish/tinder etc.

Can you check his iPad to see if he has a dating app.

Open safari and check the private window.
He might have something open that he shouldn't.

DingoDog Thu 27-Apr-17 18:28:58

Sounds like a storyline from a soap sad. I'd take a photo of the messages assuming you can take photos with your phone.

Hidingtonothing Thu 27-Apr-17 18:30:33

Go to settings then Touch ID and passcode, from there you can either switch off the passcode/touch id or add your own fingerprint.

Syc4moreTrees Thu 27-Apr-17 18:32:47

My FIL is coming now to sit with him for a little bit. I'm going to try and go for a walk to clear my head a little bit. Not sure what to do with myself 😕

underitoveritthroughit Thu 27-Apr-17 18:55:15

Take the iPad with you

Patchouli666 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:06:15

Go into settings, click on fingerprint ID and pass codes and click add fingerprint and add yours. Do a couple of different ones. Mine always seems to forget my finger print.

Patchouli666 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:06:48

And so sorry xx

Syc4moreTrees Thu 27-Apr-17 19:14:32

Thanks for the tech advice. Doctor has just said they're going to reduce DH sedation and bring him round.

I feel sick. I want to focus on his wellbeing but I'm ready to burst into tears

NaiceBiscuits Thu 27-Apr-17 19:35:41

You don't have t do anything or make any decisions right now. It's ok to cry, doesn't matter if others around you think you're worried about your H (and it's likely you'll have all kinds of conflicting emotions right now), let it out. If you try to keep it in, it will come out in worse ways, or in a massive outburst.

It's ok to leave him. Even if he's in the hospital. It's ok to ask someone to take the kids for a couple of nights so that you can take a breath and work out what you want to do.

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