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Original poster

Husband leaving me because of 8 stone weight gain

252 replies

user1495500843 · 23/05/2017 02:07

Ive never been a slim girl in but I've put on 8 stone since I met my husband 10 years ago. About 3 years ago he told me this was a problem.he had paid for personal trainers, weight loss retreats etc but I've not maintained a steady weight loss. He now says he cannot bear it any longer. He says that I've lost him now and have done for some time. He wants a divorce. No children. I can't help thinking he is right and I have really messed up and ruined my marriage.

OP posts:
ThePerryMasonandHisBrain · 23/05/2017 17:20

It sounds like that there is a bigger emotional issue under pinning your eating and this is what you need to get to the root of.

Maybe therapy of some kind?

QuiteLikely5 · 23/05/2017 17:39

Sorry this has happened to you but I suspect the divorce diet is going to be the best thing that happened to you.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 23/05/2017 17:46

Have you tried seeing a Dr? I'm no health expert but, the implications of that much weight gain must be doing you no good.I think an 8 stone weight gain would put a lot of people off

I agree. It is a huge and incredibly unhealthy amount of weight to gain, it's a whole other person.

All this support is all very well but like bluntness said, not very helpful. He tried and tried and you ignored him, so he left. Like had been said above, leaving if you are unhappy doesn't only apply to women.

JK1773 · 23/05/2017 18:22

Hi OP. I didn't want to read and run but I lost 3 stone last year. For me it was about a lifestyle change. Including more fruit and veg in diet (bulking up meals such as pasta etc with tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers etc). Buy sweet treats such as low fat yoghurts or chocolate mousses if you get a scraping. Don't buy other naughtier then you won't be tempted. I have a 9-5 job so take my own lunch each day, usually a sandwich (salad and egg/ham/cheese etc). I love my crisps with my sandwich so get lower calorie etc. I still buy biscuits but plain ones and only have maybe 2 or 3 a day. Use an app such as my fitness pal to keep an eye on your calories. I did this and slowly over a year 3 stone came off. Once you start noticing it motivates you. Good luck, it is a lifestyle change but it really works and it's not rocket science or measuring things Flowers

LedaP · 23/05/2017 18:52

I guess I had a romantic view of unconditional marital love

Unconditional love doesnt exist in marriages. There are loads of things people can do that change how their spouse feel about them.

Its quite an unrealistic expectation to have of your husband

Wakeupcall101 · 23/05/2017 19:13

Yes ledap, I understand that now. But I guess it's too late. I've lost my marrriage over too much chocolate.it makes me very sad but motivated to solve this issue once and for all.

Wakeupcall101 · 23/05/2017 19:18

Thanks to all for sharing their weight loss success stories. Congratulations! It's motivating to hear your pstive results.

TatianaLarina · 23/05/2017 19:24

It's not about too much chocolate OP, it's about emotional issues that have resulted in unhealthy patterns and major changes to your physical body.

TatianaLarina · 23/05/2017 19:30

The problem is that sugar is in everything and eventually over time this causes insulin resistance. It is the insulin resistance that causes you to overeat. In effect pre-diabetes and diabetes makes you fat, and not the other way around

The problem with this theory is that many people with insulin resistance are not overweight. And that insulin resistance doesn't cause you to over-eat, simply to retain more weight than you would have done without it. Pre-diabetes can cause you to gain weight - when blood sugar levels are slightly raised but not diabetic level, and your pancreas is still producing insulin - but diabetes (both types) make you lose weight, fast.

AteRiri · 23/05/2017 20:15

Actually sugar is not in everything. We just need to make an effort to choose. Meat, fish, chicken, eggs. Veggies have carbs sure but choose the ones that have low carb and high fiber. Stay away from preprocessed food, prepared food, etc.

pollyglot · 23/05/2017 20:24

High fat, low carb. I would never have believed that I could lose so much weight so quickly, after trying every possible diet. You will lose a huge amount in the first couple of weeks, and this gives you such a boost that you stick with the diet. Or life style, as it becomes. The fat fills you up and stops you from being hungry, Give it a go-you'll be a new woman in no time! Best of luck!

Beyondworried · 23/05/2017 20:53

CONGRATULATIONS OP! You have lost 13 odd stone of complete and utter cockwomble.

There's always one. Hmm
OP... that is a huge amount of weight to gain. Do you want to change your lifestyle... you have to WANT to do it.
As bad as this sounds I woulds struggle if my DH put on that much weight. Whether we like it or not that can cause significant issues and problems for a r'ship.

user1471426611 · 23/05/2017 21:10

I'm in the same position as you OP. I gained 6 stone over the last 5 years. Back in the summer 2016 my husband said the same thing, that he loved me but didn't fancy me at that weight - 15 stone 10. My asthma was bad, i snored and was often coughing at night. Walking any distance was hard and I had no energy. Most importantly our relationship lacked affection.

In December I joined a gym. It took me that long to realise what I had to do to save my marriage and be in a position to lose weight for myself, him and us.

Since then I've lost over 3 stone, go to the gym 4 times a week and am so much happier. My marriage is completely back on track, husband is very happy and the affection is there again. I know I'm only half way but the difference so far is huge.

I suppose I'm trying to say my husband took a long time to tell me and it was very hard to hear and deal with. However I resolved this in my head and managed to make positive changes. Good luck OP

Itsnotwhatitseems · 23/05/2017 21:19

if you want a dieting buddy, pm me, I need to lose weight, gained via an insecure relationship and would love to help you and myself at the same time x

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 23/05/2017 21:23

To be fair 8 stone is alot we cant just say the husbands wrong for minding because it isnt just a few lbs and thats not what he signed up for

Op you CAN lose it i just lost 6.5 stone it took time and completely changing my way of life i cut carbs basically and trust me it drops off you can do it too cos trust me i love my food but i hated myself

Good luck x

Mysteriouscurle · 23/05/2017 21:57

My dh honestly doesn't mind and has never once commented in 25 years on the 6 stone I have put on during the course of that 25 years. I have been on various diets and lost weight but found it a fairly miserable way to live and always put all the weight back on again. I actually have fairly good health. I enjoy food and sweets/chocolate. I know I may not always enjoy good health but I see many thin people drinking too much/smoking/baking in the sun for a fortnight with minimal sun protection and I'm not sure that they're actually any healthier than me. Funny enough though those types of unhealthy lifestyles don't get commented on so much which leads me to believe it isn't necessarily concern for health so much as vanity and demonising fat people. OP it sounds like your marriage has gone but this might not be the end of the world, even if it feels like it now. Be kind to yourself and take your time to discover the person you want to be

CatherineMaitland · 23/05/2017 22:03

Not doing things together because the husband is embarrassed over the weight gain doesn't strike me as being particularly supportive or concerned for health.

AteRiri · 23/05/2017 22:11

See my problem with this is, if it's understandable to leave a spouse because of weight gain, then going by this logic if you get worse stuff like maybe cancer or any debilitating illnesses then it's understandable to be left because that's also not what they signed up for.

HildaOg · 23/05/2017 22:12

Mysterious; I wouldn't date a smoker or alcoholic anymore than I'd date a compulsive eater. The smoker smells repulsive to me, the alcoholic is drunk and the compulsive eater is too fat and greedy for me to find them attractive. It would be so depressing being married to any of those types.

Most people are attracted to good health, a healthy weight, good physical fitness, good smell, reasonable self control, discipline... Taking care of your physical health demonstrates positive qualities in personality, character and good mental health.

That doesn't mean that it's important for everybody but for most it is and it's not unreasonable for a spouse to expect their other half to take basic care of themselves and not to ruin their health with self harm through addiction.

I hope op finds good health and happiness, there's plenty of good suggestions on this thread.

HildaOg · 23/05/2017 22:13

Ate; cancer isn't a choice, obesity is.

AteRiri · 23/05/2017 22:14

HildaOg

For some people, obesity isn't, either.

HildaOg · 23/05/2017 22:21

For the rare person perhaps... For 99.9% it's caused by overeating. That's a choice. You have no choice with cancer.

AteRiri · 23/05/2017 22:24

You have no choice with cancer.

Yes this is true.

But what are the justifications for leaving a partner with obesity?

So far, the following have come up:

can't do normal stuff
unhealthy

With illness, it's even worse. My point is that, if it's justifiable for a spouse to leave someone because of obesity (which can be shifted) then that blurs the line down the road.

HildaOg · 23/05/2017 22:35

A person may be ravaged with cancer but they can still have all the beautiful qualities and characteristics that made them attractive in the first place.

An obese person is that way because they choose to gorge, to put constant gorging above your health, appearance and your partners attraction to you suggests something seriously wrong personality wise. It's unattractive and deeply irritating to watch someone fill themselves full of crap and to prioritise that above all else. I'd leave just as I would if a man started drugs, alcoholism, hitting....

But cancer? No. They'd still be the same person. Big difference.

HalfShellHero · 23/05/2017 22:44

Obesity is not a choice its an eating disorder Hmm