The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Oh I'm definitely thinking "next" -even though there's nothing like a queue atm- and haven't bothered to reply.

It just annoying as he's the first guy I've met and felt a spark of physical attraction to in months!!

Can I have some advice please? I'm very new to this. I've been chatting to a man since Sunday, lots and lots of messages. My gut feeling is he's a nice bloke, and nice looking, but, there's a lot of sex talk, which is OK but I'm beginning to question if that's all he's after.

I've had a number of requests for photos, (Boobs) which I've declined to send, I've made to suggestions of times to meet and he's not been available (with reasons which may be completely true).

It's been nice having someone to message after being single for so long, but if this isn't heading to at least a coffee and something physical I'm wasting my time.

I need to ask some blunt questions but I don't seem to be able to find the words. I don't want him to think I want to get into anything heavy because I don't but at the same time I would want to meet for a drink before moving onto anything physical even if it was a casual physical thing.

Is asking for nude/semi nude photos from someone you haven't met normal?

Any ideas?

It's becoming normal but that doesn't mean it's OK nor that you have to do it.

Just ask him. Say "what exactly are you looking for on the site?"

mrslindor I have never been asked for naked photos and I wouldn't send them either, so no I wouldn't consider it normal.

If I were you I would ask him to suggest a time when he is available to meet up (in a public place). If he keeps putting you off it may be that he has no intention of meeting up. He may be married.

I realise I'm probably being very naïve but are there men who just want to do sex talk and exchange photos, with no intention of meeting?

I don't understand why they wouldn't want to meet a woman who's obviously interested. The internet wasn't invented when I was last single (got involved very young) so this is a whole new world.

mrslindor - of course there are men who want to just chat about sex and get naked photos. Often they're married and looking for a bit of virtual fun. For some, it may turn into actually meeting, but for many, it's just a free version of webcam sites and online porn

If I were you, I'd bin. If he makes you feel uncomfortable or confused, then it's not right, so drop and move on.

(1/3 of all men's online dating profiles are married men, apparently)

Bant Yeah, I think it's time for some blunt questions and then probably the bin.

Bant is right, if it doesn't feel right for you, give it up. Move on.

I think a lot of men and women online are just there to talk sex and have no intention of meeting. There are also those who just want to meet for sex, there's those who are looking for somewhere to live and those who are after money. This makes it hard to find the genuine ones.

I have been sending a few messages to someone, let's call him Mr grumpy, exchange numbers and he has whatsapped me a few times, he doesn't really strike up a conversation (not interesting) but gets funny when I don't reply to him. This morning he asked 'when are you free to meet up?' I explained that it's half term this week and I have a wedding next weekend, he sent me a message back saying 'ok u leave it, your not genuine' (he's spelling and punctuation are worse than mine. Or he uses text talk). I won't even both replying. I find men that don't have children don't seem to have a clue how I just can't drop everything and go and meet them.

Mr Irish is sending me messages asking me to meet him, he is pretty intense. I don't really feel it's worth meeting him as he can't drive so I will have to go and pick him up.

Been talking to Mr Facebook again but still no plans to meet up.

MrsLindor I've also never been asked for sexual pics, that would make me cut communication. I'm not looking for casual sex on OLD, can get that in RL! It would also worry me what they would then do with the images, you would have no control over that.

LM I haven't found that RE free time, but it would annoy me. I have to fit dates and out of hours work into evenings and try to go out 1 night a week with friends.

Abi not heard back from Mr Chef, I would rather know and I didn't want to see my FB if a second date with Mr Chef was likely. So, went out last night with a friend then asked my FB over when I got home

I'm seeing my FB tomorrow and I'm going to take a break from OLD for a while as I don't feel right about seeing him whilst actively searching for a relationship. It's not fun after the 1st date for me either, so need to take a break and hopefully come back refreshed. I'll keep following this thread though!

Smeaton maybe your interests/hobbies, what you're looking for? Info gave some great advise upthread.

Personally, I would prefer someone with similar interests so you have something to talk about! Also, that I'm a single parent but others don't, although think on POF they have "Do you have children" which I selected Yes to so didn't mention DD at all in my profile. Proper spelling, punctuation and grammar - to me if that's not there, it shows a lack of thought and effort. Overuse of any phrases or special characters... might be a personal preference though! Ditto pet terms and saying you're a genuine guy etc...

.

I've had a couple more dates since Mr Normal. Seeing as he has been coming down this way, the last few times, we have arranged for me to go to his. We're six dates in, is this too soon?

Lollopops 6 dates sounds enough to me!

Smeaton

Your profile text is very important. Women read profiles far more than men do. Your photos are important too, of course, but the text has got to be:
Not too long. And not too short. Two or three paragraphs should do it.
Not bitter or angry in any way
Not negative about exes or prospective dates
Be funny but don't seem to be trying too hard to be funny. Do not be wacky. Do not be dull. Be slightly self deprecating without being pitiful :)

Talk about what you like, but no lists of hobbies or bands. A few, if you like, but not long exhaustive lists.

All this said, I'm sure others on here can give far better advice than me.

(Also, do not mention the word 'lol' :) )

Smeaton, I am 40 and looking for a relationship. I am on tinder and POF I prefer tinder.

For me, the job and university are very important. I am highly educated from a top university (and I have further qualifications) so I want someone whom I consider a peer intellectually. I might be missing some super clever guys who simply didn't go to university for a number of reasons, but there has to be a cut off somewhere.

Job: I prefer a professional job. I have been chatting to bankers, lawyers etc. We immediately find common grounds, talk about current affairs, legislation etc. It might sound boring but also so far (3 men) I have always also found common friends who work in those professions. This is not about money, it is about being able to enter the respective worlds very quickly. I even helped one with the interpretation of some papers (unfortunately it didn't go well after that).

As for profile, keep it short (for tinder) but I want to know if you are after a bit of fun or if you are looking for a relationship (which is what I am looking for). Don't say you are looking for your other half etc it makes you sound desperate.

Say whether you have children or not. Hobbies: mention 2-3, possibly sport and something else.

Also, finally I would really appreciate if you said you have tattoos or not (personal preference).

I hope this helps.

To me, tinder is a dating app not a hook up app. There must be men who are only looking for sex but luckily I have not "met" them yet.

Smeaton, I like reading profiles but the first few lines have to grab me or I can't be bothered to keep reading. Never mention past expereances with partners (read a profile the other day where a man slagged off his ex wife for being controlling). For me I like to know what hobbies you have but not too much detail, I hate profiles that brag about what countries your have visited ( it's ok just to say you enjoy travelling, I don't need a list). Profile pictures, maybe one face shot, one full body and one doing a activity/hobbie?

I hate having my photo taken, I have hardly any full body shots and I look awful in photos.

I prefer to see a full body shot, I have met up with a few men that look nothing like I expected them too as I had only seen face shots.

I had a second date today it went well. He's very nice. But I'm feeling
Really anxious and I don't know why