The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

LM it depends on why he's skint. I have done in the past but when I was young and childless... might be different now. I live in an area that's really expensive so it's quite common for guys to still live at home, which doesn't bother me, but my ex was not good with money and I'm quite cautious bcs of that.

My self control is rubbish, this is why I ended up meeting Mr Machanic today when he's not really suitable at all. Mr Irish has been lovely, his messages are really nice, not sleezey and he says he's looking for a serious relationship, he ticks a lot of my boxes but the car thing and him being skint are red flags? He said he was out of work for a while but is now working and planing on taking his test. I am starting to wonder if he is a traveller?? But I don't want to ask him as it's a bit rude asuning because he's Irish that he's a traveller .

4am date Cult??

LoveM - no, I wouldn't.

LM - they're not 'red flags', they just are what they are and you decide if it's something you can cope with or not. I know I couldn't as I am financially secure and very aware of finances so someone who was hopeless that way would just not suit me at all.

OutToGetYou
I use the term date very loosely hahaha.
He was out with mates, asked me to meet him, I was awake so went and then we went back to my house, where we talked about a lot of rubbish until 10am when we finally fell asleep for 50 minutes 😩😩

Allthembuckets

Nothing planned right now, sadly!
Hopefully soon. He's said he'd like to see me again, which is always good news. He's a very busy bee for the next few weekends tho.

LM when does he expect to take his test? My ex didn't learn to drive until 2012 which was annoying. I did it as soon as I could bcs it represented independence to me, also glad as it's harder to pass now and when I took my test I didn't want to pay 80 quid repeatedly.

Also, why is he skint? Does he not manage his money well or has he had some big bills? I've had car MOT, service and insurance this month, which can lead to further expenditure... I had to pay £300+ one year bcs the car needed a new catalytic converter to pass the MOT.

Hi I haven't posted on latest thread yet. I've had pattern of getting to two month stage then realising there are major issues that can't be fixed. I think it's partly as everyone is on best behaviour early on so the truth isn't obvious. I'm currently seeing an iron who I'm really feeling a connection to, but he doesn't open up about emotions well. I've liked someone more than they've liked me before and it's rubbish so hoping he is sincerely interested in me. Only 4 weeks along so still don't want to scare him off!

Hi Lana how many dates?

I can't get past first date! Altho, the last dare was no physical attraction for me.

I've been chatting lots to Mr Chef tonight on WhatsApp and seems we have similar interests (games, he has just finished one I really want to get) and both like the same music. Help!!! Feel I'm getting OI. Have a coffee date set for Wed but my FB is coming over on Friday. Just if it goes well on Wed, should I cancel my FB?

allthem he says he plans on taking his test soon, says he's skint because he was out of work for a year but is working now, says he's saving to rent a flat so I'm guessing he's living with family? He sounds intelligent and a deep thinker but he tends to disappear, say he will message me later and then vanishes which puts me off.

Have had no message from Mr Machanic after meeting him yesterday but that was kind of expected, it's what he always does and I should have known he would do it again ( say he wants to meet up during the week and then vanish for a month ). Oh well, nothing really lost.

Just found someone on POF who looks lovely, really like his profile, he is a wheelchair user which doesn't really bother me (except the fact he could never get in my house). He says he prefers for people to message him first but will no reply to 'hi', so if I do message I need to think of something good 😊

Buckets I'm not sure but three sleepovers and prob met about 10 times. It's moving on well, but I can't work out if shy or prefers to wait until talking about emotions. We haven't said anything along the lines of liking each other but happy together and it's not just friends we are very physical .

If it goes well for you Wed I would postpone your FB, try for second date with Mr Chef then you may know if you no longer need FB?

LM what about a joke but stay clear of politics or anything contraversial?

I wouldn't date anyone who couldn't drive and had no place etc.

I appreciate circumstances can put people in a place they aren't used to but it isn't what I'd want in my life.

It's a shame info, I find the driving thing a tough one. His profile says that he has a car so was a bit shocked when he said he hasn't got one and can't drive. The money thing is also a bit of a deal breaker, if he can't even afford a phone then he has to be pretty skint?

It is a shame to rule someone out but we rule people out for far less.

Shit man, we rule people out because they're wearing a cap or have tattoos or say they do a sport we aren't interested in. We rule people out all the time for tiny things so I think even one of the things you've said is enough. All of those things is a no no.

The money situation is worse than the car situation. He may even be heavily in debt?

Lana yes, i was thinking the same, probably in debt. Anyway he hasn't messaged me since last night when he said 'back in a bit' but never returned.

I guess a bit isn't really a defined measurement of time. A week might be his bit.

LM the tendency to disappear as well as the financial and driving situations make him sound like a "no!" I think you should avoid, he just doesn't seem worth it. Also, why did his profile say he had a car when he didn't??

A whole year unemployed would drive me barmy. I was for 3 months (about 14 years ago tho) and used up all my savings rather than claim JSA. I hated it.

I would think "a bit" is within 3 hours. Later would be more than 3 hours but in the same day.

I agree. There are lovely people who can't drive, with little money, who are living with their parents.

But is that who you really want to meet?

He messaged me last night but I was just about to go to sleep so didn't message back, it sounds like he hasn't got a permanent job and is doing bits and pieces.

Mr Machanic has either blocked me or removed his profile on POF, I still haven't heard from him since we met up on Sunday. I'm feeling pretty fed up with OLD, seems to be the same story with everyone, people talking a load of rubbish, making out they are really interested and then vanishing, I should expect it by now but it still annoys me when it happens.

It can't get very very disheartening. Last Autumn I was about to pack it in - so many 'hello sexy' openers, so much swiping, so many good conversations and then disappearing or worse men who arranged to meet and then just disappeared. One popped back up last week whom I'd gotten on really well with. He had a degenerative condition which he'd told me about and I wasn't phased at all about it. We arranged to meet up and the day before he messaged me to say he wasn't being fair to me and he disappeared. To be honest I was a bit flummoxed as to why he was even trying if he felt he'd just be a burden. He's tried to strike up a conversation again, told him I was on my way to a date with The Nurse, he told me to enjoy myself and wished it was him I was meeting instead: why? Just why? And then told me he was here if I needed to talk. Perplexing behaviour.

I have had a feŵ of those too Dol, was talking to Mr Tall for a couple weeks, had arranged to meet, he kept saying how excited he was and then a few days before we were going to meet he just vanished, last week I received a message from him saying 'I know I have been a twat and you probably don't want anything to do with me but I just wondered if I should keep your number', I didn't know what to say so I haven't replied, I have a feeling I was 2nd choice and now his 1st hasn't worked out he's realised he made a mistake. I don't want to be anyone's 2nd choice. Same with Mr Normal, was messaging for a week or so, talking about meeting up and then he vanished, a few days ago I got a message saying 'hi, how are you' again I have ignored as I can't be doing with people vanishing and thinking they can come back and pick up where the left off. It's all very tiring and stressful, I desperately want to meet someone, I rarely go anywhere to meet people but I a, starting to feel that I will be happier not having the stress of OLD.

It's massively infuriating to a guy like me hearing all the stories about guys on here.

It's cliche but as a 'nice guy' looking for a proper relationship who got nowhere on OLD, it's always the thought that it's a knobs who are having all the success. These stories on here kinda back that up, you girls keep finding all the knobs.

They have the success so they stick around, the good guys give up and leave and thus the ratio of knobs to good goes up.

I hear a small violin playing....

You have a point though, Info. This is the longest I've ever been on the OLD scene and decent, normal blokes are incredibly few and far between.

Glad to hear about those who are doing well..for those of you who aren't stuck with it. I know I'm only 5 weeks down the line but we've spent a lot of time together and he just gets better. Both seem to connect on most things and both hate not seeing each other (yet have our own lives so that helps)..I'm still totally happy and he says he is..seems so normal, funny, clever etc..hope it lasts!