The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Hi all. Long term lurker on here. Advice needed. I don't want a relationship, I can't see where I would fit one in as my ex doesn't see the kids, my family live far away and I have quite a big job. Anyway, I'm not looking for a casual fuckfest and I'm getting bored of that kind of talk on tinder and bumble. I don't state my intentions outright but sometimes get asked directly, which is fair enough.

Am looking for someone non sleazy who is happy to take it really slow, maybe not even be exclusive and put no pressure on but there just seems to be guys looking specifically for relationships or looking for a shag and saucy online talk, and nothing in between.

Does my mythical ideal man exist?

Hi Sooper Yes I met someone like that who was not monogamous. He had long term friendship arrangements - 2 overseas. Slept with them and was looking for a similar UK one. He was lovely but it didnt work for me for various reasons.

I liked Violin Dad on 1st date, that is why date two happened. The dates were a month apart as he had been away for work.
The attraction just was not there for me. The plan had been for food and a walk along the Thames. Torrential rain meant a change of plan. He rarely drinks and is very into his sport. I finally managed to drag him to the pub and the beer made the evening more interesting for me. A nice fella but a bit too boring with no spark.

Got some messages when I got home from a fwb guy from a while back, perhaps that is the way forward for me.

Soopermum1 I have noticed guys who are looking for friendship first on on-line dating. That may be the way forward.

Hi, I've been lurking on this thread for a while. I haven't posted as I had given up on dating after a lot of rubbish first dates from Tinder and so on but something nice has happened and I want to share but I don't want to tell people IRL in case nothing comes of it I I had basically decided that every man on OLD was a weirdo. Then I met someone in real life last week and we hit it off immediately. We could only talk in person for 5 mins but have been chatting online ever since. He's invited me out to dinner on saturday. I am not ready for a serious relationship and I don't think he is either, but yay! its just nice for something good to happen for once.

I have a new iron, I shall call him Mr Irish, looks really nice, less than a hour away from me (makes a change) and a year younger than me, we have exchanged numbers so will see what happens.
Still haven't had a message from Mr Facebook about setting a date. I have the weekend off work so I'm hoping I can secure a date with someone.

My date went well with I'll call him Mr light smoker , had a coffee then a walk then lunch..seemed to get on well liked him so think date 2 on the cards...

Keeping my feet firmly on the ground this time with no declarations of love 2 weeks in

Just catching up on the thread.

Usher I have dated several army/ex army guys and they have all been a bit like that, have loads to tell me about themselves but never asked me anything about myself and showed little interest in things I have seen or done. I'm not sure if it's a army thing but I no longer date army/ex army ( which is a shame as I like a man in uniform ).

I've been on one date with a guy I find physically attractive but kind of...boring. Wondering how many dates are needed to ascertain if this is just initial reticence/nerves or if he is actually...boring. I really like it when a chap is funny and makes me feel funny, where the conversation flows and feels interesting but not heavy. Is this kind of connection apparent immediately or can it be a slow burn...

Apple I was seeing a guy whom I had great chemistry with but a month later we split cod as quickly as it ignited it fizzled out.

My latest only had one date with so far but found him attractive although not sizzling so think this could be slow burn..

Think I prefer the latter..

That's interesting Fortuna. He's just cancelled our date on Sun eve, this is second time he's bailed. So maybe he thinks I'm deadly dull too though he seems keen via Whatsapp. Confusing.

My philosophy is...plenty more where h

....he came from (damn phone)

But where fortunacookie !!!

Hope it goes well NearlyFree17

My date was a bust last night. He was a nice guy but there was 0 physical attraction for me. Walked past guy from Tinder/work on my way to the pub too. On the plus side, a work issue finally got resolved, I hadn't realised how much it had been weighing on my mind until it was resolved and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest

I have a date for tonight I think???? Set up at beginning of the week for tonight between 7.30-8 said you choose where. He text today saying just back from London and tired out. So I said we can rearrange if you like but he said no he'd still like to go. I said ok we'll let me know where, all I got was ok babe (which I hate but let it go) that was at 5.30 and still not heard anything, just text asking what the plan is so going to phone a takeaway and get my pjs on if nothing in the next ten minutes 😂 it's a fickle game this dating lark! 😂

minop how irritating! Have you heard from him yet?

I've just gone and put my pjs on when he texts 😂 I'm in two minds if to bother. But I do have a child free night and it's only 15 minutes away where he suggested so part of me thinks might as well!

Yeah go for it minor might be man of your dreams!!

Minop stupid phone

Well I'm only just back and had a great date, nice meal and just sat and talked over our soft drinks. Lots to talk about and he has a South African accent which I wasn't expecting but love, it's one of my favourite voices. So fingers crossed for date two, I say that as I feel like a one date wonder at times but even if it was I had a nice night and better than sat in pjs on my own 😂

minop that's great news. If you come away having had a nice time then that's a success, and it sounds like he did too. Fingers crossed for you.

I took the plunge and signed up for POF. I've had one message from someone interesting so far, as well as a few uninteresting ones. I've just sent him a reply as I want see what his responses are like before I agree to meet.

I am getting virtually no interest on GSM.

minop glad your date went well, I quite like the South African accent.

I have no date this weekend, could have met Mr boat but really can't be bothered. Still no message from Mr Facebook.

Mr Irish just sent me a voice message on POF (didn't know you could do that) and I think I have fallen for his Irish accent, I really hope I get to meet him as he seems lovely, he keeps commenting on my profile pictures but not in a sleezey way, the only thing that has confused me is he asked for my number and then I didn't hear from him for over a day, than last night I got a message saying he hasn't got a phone at the moment but should be getting on tomorrow, why ask for my number? Say I will text you? And then tell me he hasn't got a phone? Seems a bit odd unless he broke his phone straight after I gave him my number.

Hmm.. maybe he's realised that he has to get a burner phone for dating?

Have decided to pay £20 and give Lovestruck a go. What is it with the majority of the men looking for women significantly younger than them? Like 43 year olds looking for 20 to 35 year olds

It's called the Paris ratio, I think. A man's idea of his partners perfect age is half his age plus 7. So 44 year old men go for 29 year olds.

A bit sad, really, but apparently it's true.