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Original poster

The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

999 replies

Bant · 16/05/2017 18:55

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
Allthembuckets · 20/05/2017 10:06

Glad it went well minop

I don't get that, but I'm not (or wasn't) a stereotypical woman. Apparently, an older bf is better but not for me! If I'd been single at 29, I definitely wouldn't have considered someone aged 44, 34 would have been my limit Grin
However, it also depends on your circumstances - I want another child if possible so when I do searches my max age is 37.

educationforlife · 20/05/2017 10:10

Bant That's why I can't get a date - there are no 100-yr-olds on OLD sites! Grin

Lollopops · 20/05/2017 10:22

Had another date with Mr Normal. He is just so lovely Smile

We met up at the beach and spent all day, just talking. He kept saying, this is perfect. It was. He rang me later to make sure I got back okay and we are meeting again Monday.

user1489804018 · 20/05/2017 10:28

Just the thread I needed! I always feel awkward about money when it comes to dating. With my ex's I've always paid for everything so I guess I'm still stuck in that mindset. Do I offer to pay? Or do I just sit back and let him. We went to mini golf last week and then dinner he paid.
We're going out next week so I'm going to feel awkward again lol

Lollopops · 20/05/2017 10:31

User148, there's to harm in offering to pay. With the last guy I was dating, things pretty much went 50/50.

fortunacookie · 20/05/2017 10:42

I always offer to pay my way but if they let me I then think they are being stingyGrin

Mrlightly paid n when I offered he said 'you can treat me next time!' I don't mind that

Lovemusic33 · 20/05/2017 16:42

Bant that's what I was thinking (burner phone) though there's no other signs that anything untoward is going on, he messages me straight back on POF, says he has never been married and never really settled down but wants to now. I will tread carefully because the phone thing does seem odd.

I have had one new message on POF today and it's from someone who clearly hasn't read my profile. He is obese, says he doesn't have many hobbies and just wants a woman to cuddle up with. He claims to be 45 but looks more 55. I won't be messaging him back.

fortunacookie · 20/05/2017 18:26

Dire isn't it lovemusicHmm

OutToGetYou · 20/05/2017 22:14

So, I 'dumped' MrPunk - several transgressions, basically he was getting dull:

going on about me being posh (I'm not especially)
told me his ex dumped him for being 'lovely' and 'that hurt' - started to seem a bit wet
his way of asking me to meet was to say 'so, do you actually want to meet me' - we'd only been chatting a few days but 'how would you like to meet up' would be fine
that was Tue, I said yes and that I was free this coming weekend (which is now)
he said he was going to a rock weekend and sleeping in his car
then he said he might not go
then Thu night I asked him what was happening and he said he needed to check if his mate had bought tickets
I said I'd booked a massage for Sat 3pm, he said "oh, so looks like I won't see you then", I pointed out that a massage is only one hour
Fri I forgot my phone all day
got a couple of 'are you OK' messages - I messaged him on POF to say I'd not got my phone, he says he read it about 7pm
so, last night he says he's not going to the thing as it will 'cost a fucking fortune', so 'it looks like you'll be stuck with me'
I thought, well sod that! Told him I'd made plans, he was upset, then I said that he could have decided sooner and he said he did but "someone forgot their phone!" (what was stopping him messaging me during the day even if I wasn't replying?)
He could also have said "how about coffee Sunday then", but he didn't.
Then he said something about 'all women do is create arguments'

So, I said good night, and blocked him.

Original poster
Bant · 20/05/2017 22:25

Good call outtogetyou - passive aggressive, and actively aggressive, and always playing the victim. You're better off out of it

OP posts:
Polarbearflavour · 20/05/2017 22:35

So 5 dates with Mr Naval Officer. He stayed at mine last night (DVD, pizza, snuggles etc!) and left this morning to see his mum. I have no reason to doubt him, maybe I'm just paranoid? He's as lovely as ever, still not had the exclusive talk. I know I should ask him but I don't want to seem over keen in case he is still seeing other people? We are clear we aren't having sex with anybody else but I think he's still on Tinder.

He's still not terribly good at whatsapping although he keeps in touch. Not sure when our next date is but he said he will see me soon when he kissed me goodbye like he always does.

fortunacookie · 20/05/2017 22:43

Sounds like mrprivate I've just split with outtogetyou Hmm

rockabillyruby82 · 20/05/2017 23:44

So today totally blew!
The guy I had a fancy for was at the social event, with his girlfriend Sad
I decided to steer clear of him although he somehow managed to always be within eyesight.
I was with my sister, she left early and the moment she did he springs up in front of me!
Maybe he's friendly, maybe he's a player? Who knows.
But ho hum, nevermind, life goes on!

Pavonia · 21/05/2017 00:14

The new guy that messaged me on POF disappeared after I mentioned that I have two teens that live with me most of the time. Luckily another OK sounding guy messaged, I have yet to mention the kids to him but I will do tomorrow.

Lovemusic33 · 21/05/2017 08:30

What is it with Sunday mornings being busy on POF? I always get messages Sunday morning from people begging for a date (some I have dated before) and several younger men who are just after one thing.

Mr Nice (not so nice) has set up yet another account on POF and has clicked on 'meet me' Hmm.

I might be meeting up with someone today but it's someone who I have had several dates with before, he's not really relationship material but we get on well. I have nothing better to do today so I might go.

Another old iron messaged me this morning begging me to give him another chance, I told him last week that he's not my type and we have nothing in common. He's quite kreepy and keeps buying me underwear and sending me photos of it Hmm.

Mr Irish keeps vanishing so I suspect he might be married.

InfoSec21 · 21/05/2017 10:20

And reading all this is why I'm glad I ditched it!!

lettucesoup · 21/05/2017 10:25

Have noticed a new thing on dating profiles: men who describe themselves as "God fearing" Am I missing something?

Allthembuckets · 21/05/2017 14:36

That sounds like a lot of work for someone you haven't even met out

LM Yes creepy, why would anyone sane think the underwear thing was even OK??

Chatting to a new iron, Mr Chef, on WhatsApp, seems nice enough, same age as me, not too far away and was wearing tops with rock band names on on Tinder so should have the same taste in music.

I was out last night, then wide awake when I got home at 3am and messaged my FB. Which I wasn't going to do but I wanted contact with a "normal" nice guy that I fancied. We're going to meet on Fri.

Allthembuckets · 21/05/2017 15:38

lettuce I must be too Confused that would put me off, have not found some "Christians" very Christian at all.

Lovemusic33 · 21/05/2017 15:48

Yes, Mr underwear is just plain creepy, I dated him ages ago, he seemed nice until we got to the bedroom.

I have been stupid today and met up with Mr Machanic. I only went with the intention of it it being fun, promised myself I would not get emotionally involved with him (this is the guy I met up with several years ago but turned out to be living with his wife), I needed to find something to do today as I was child free and his invitation sounded appealing. Anyway we talked loads about what had happened over the past 2 years, he says he wants to meet up next Thursday, I agreed but I'm prepared that I won't hear from him again for ages because this is what he has done in the past, he is now divorced but there still seems to be baggage so for me he's not relationship material at the moment (as I don't want to get hurt).

I haven't seen the words 'god fearing' on anyone's profiles Smile

Cultofpersonality · 21/05/2017 16:39

Random 'date' at 4am on Saturday.
Wasn't planned. Don't normally do unplanned meetings but was so casual and chilled, that I would probably do it again. Was really nice to just sit and talk and not have the pressure to do anything.
Had met him before and we've been talking for a while, so was nice to see him again.
Was fully expecting to be ghosted again, but surprisingly he text me a few hours later and has continued to text today.

justmeand2DC · 21/05/2017 16:49

lettuce is this on POF? I had a message from a God-fearing man called Brian! On a first date he would like to meet someone who is God-fearing with a lot of love to give. I was wondering if it was a fake profile?

lettucesoup · 21/05/2017 17:02

No on Oasis.com
I need to register on POF
I think God fearing is an American-ism
Avoid avoid for me!

Lovemusic33 · 21/05/2017 19:46

Mr Irish dropped the bomb shell that he doesn't have a driving licence or his own place, he is living with family and is skint. So would you date someone who's financial situation isn't great? This is also the reason he hasn't got a phone at the moment. The car thing is a big one for me as I live out in the sticks so if I was to date him I would have to drive to him.

Allthembuckets · 21/05/2017 20:03

LM it doesn't sound sensible but seeing my FB on Friday is not sensible either, my self control is awful. Mr underwear just sounds weird weird weird.

cult that's good. When are you going to see him again, assuming you are?

I may have a coffee date with Mr Chef on Wednesday.

What is the advice for dating when you have a FB?