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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

999 replies

Bant · 16/05/2017 18:55

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 23/06/2017 13:45

I'm back, I did try and log on earlier when he went indoors to get drinks but had no 4g.

Anyway, I was really nervous, he was running a little bit late but messaged me to let me know. We went for a walk along the river but didn't get far, decided it was best to find somewhere to sit as he was talking quite a lot, the fact that he can talk for England was probably a good thing as there were no awkward silences. He is obviously well educated and a lot of things he was talking about I didn't understand (just smiled and nodded a few times), he is a widow so told me that his wife had died of cancer, she had cancer several times before and was unable to have children (hens why he has no children). There was a lot of dentist talk which was a tiny bit boring, he's well travelled (unlike me). We went to the pub for a drink, he walked me back to my car, told me that he had enjoyed the date and then asked for a kiss, I was just expecting a good by kiss as I was thinking 'he's probably not that interested in me' but it ended up as a full blown snog and I might have accidentally put my hand on his bum.

He wants to meet up again but is in London next week. He messaged me as soon as I left saying he can't wait to see me again and that he enjoyed the kiss.

He is really atractive, a but talkative, a good kisser but not sure if I felt a spark or not, maybe because I didn't feel that relaxed because I don't feel good enough? Anyway I think I want to meet him again and see how things go, maybe next time I will feel more relaxed.

Fieryfighter · 23/06/2017 14:18

Ooooh sounds like it went really well lovemusic!! I'd definitely see him again and see how you feel, you may well be right about the spark because of nerves etc.

Ps was it a nice bum? 😂

LanaDReye · 23/06/2017 14:45

LM that sounds like potential and that without nerves you would both be fine - bet he talked too much as nervous himself!

I wrote to MrSciFi earlier to be honest (in a kind way) about not wanting to meet again. It has been a few hours and no reply. I can't block as I have to pass his tupperware back, so just have to wait for the reply.

I also have another date tonight. That's 4 dates (just brief coffee dates) over 4 days. The 5th day I am meeting date 1 (Mr Cook) again for the 2nd time and have a half day planned together.

I feel a bit odd about the date tonight, it is just a coffee nearby, but I keep thinking what happens if Mr Cook walks into the pub? Confused Technically I am not cheating, but I know that I wouldn't be happy if he was meeting someone else tonight.

LanaDReye · 23/06/2017 15:50

Mr Scifi replied said he felt the same way so that's good.

Still don't know about tonight. I would like to go, but what do I tell Mr Cook when he asks how my evening is going? Someone please give me some advice Confused

Lovemusic33 · 23/06/2017 15:59

Lana just tell Mr cook that you are out with a friend (not really a lie)?

I just had a message from Mr Deep thinker asking me what I have been up to today, I told him I went out for coffee with a friend. No need to tell them every detail Wink.

I do find it hard talking and dating to more than one but then from expereanced I know that you can be dropped in the blink of an eye by one man you are dating so it's best to keep your options open. I will carry on talking to my other irons until I have had a few dates with Mr Surf or until we have the exclusive talk (if it gets that far).

pringlecat · 23/06/2017 16:39

Is it weird to not have a phone number before a date? Mr Meet Me hasn't offered his, but he is so tall, spotting him won't be a problem I'm sure... I am overthinking this...

LanaDReye · 23/06/2017 16:59

Thanks LM you're right. No exclusivity this early so I should just carry on. Tonight it's Mr grin. Mr Boats is still out of the area.

Pringle why not ask for a number and say in case it's very busy when you meet?

Fieryfighter · 23/06/2017 17:04

I wouldn't meet without a phone number, but then where I live internet is dodgy in so can't always check messages online. I'd just suggest swapping numbers before meeting just in case.

Allthembuckets · 23/06/2017 17:19

I would exchange numbers just in case, too. Miscommunication was my reason for getting a mobile when I was 16!

Mr Accountant is 6ft5 eeek! I'm 5ft4 and don't wear heels very often, as in maybe 3x a year. Hopefully meeting next weekend as DD is with me this weekend and I'm going out with a friend tomorrow night.

I'm not actively looking atm, just replying to any messages I receive.

Lovemusic33 · 23/06/2017 17:55

A year message him your number and say 'just in case you get lost' or something similar. I always exchange numbers before meeting as I rarely get wifi or 4g anywhere so would be stuck if I couldn't find them.

pringlecat · 23/06/2017 18:30

Followed your advice. Numbers now duly swapped, time and location confirmed. Eek. First OLD I've had since Mr Teacher many months back. Shit just got real.

If he isn't attracted to me, I'm sure we'll have a lovely time anyway and it's important to get back in the game. She says, trying to reassure herself.

LanaDReye · 23/06/2017 18:33

Pringle that's what I do, imagine it's a practice run. It takes the pressure away and then hopefully it becomes more honestly I'm a bit nervous as date in less than an hour .

pringlecat · 23/06/2017 18:40

LanaDReye Good luck! Look forward to hearing how it went. :)

Smeaton · 23/06/2017 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fieryfighter · 23/06/2017 20:27

Woohoo smeaton! Sounds very promising, hope it continues to go well

LanaDReye · 23/06/2017 21:33

Thanks Pringle but it was really awkward. He smelt of damp, talked about how it's funny his two big dogs like play fighting until they bruise him and about his nightly drinking habits. I am looking forward to meeting Mr Cook tomorrow, he is far more similar to me.

Tonight was so bad in a way it was funny! I said I was tired and left early and glad to be home now as I could only take so much though .

LanaDReye · 23/06/2017 21:34

Smeaton your date sounds brilliant and hope date 2 is as good.

pringlecat · 23/06/2017 21:39

Smeaton Go you! That sounds amazing; so good to hear someone is having some success at this malarkey! :)

LanaDReye Oh no. Definitely one to add to the collection of horror stories. Onwards and upwards with the next date!

LanaDReye · 23/06/2017 21:45

I can still 'smell' the damp in my head and it's making me feel a bit sick!

Fieryfighter · 23/06/2017 22:22

Oh god LanaDReye sounds horrid! Least you got out of there quickly. Do you think it was his clothes? Clothes that have been left too long in the washing machine smell of damp in the most vile way it makes me want to vom.

Least the shit dates make the decent ones seem so much better!

pringlecat · 23/06/2017 23:29

I've never dated a damp man, but I used to work with a colleague who smelled of damp. She didn't dry her clothes properly; smelt like she'd stuffed them in a drawer when still wet... So I can imagine the smell poor LanaDReye endured today!

AntiGrinch · 24/06/2017 07:57

LanaDReye - He probably needs to put some soda crystals through the machine with a hot wash on. Someone should tell him or he'll never meet anyone!

AntiGrinch · 24/06/2017 08:21

So....I signed up to POF and to tinder.

I haven't paid for POF. does it get any better if you do? I find it really hard to navigate. You get a message from someone and then it feels like a huge rigmarole to get their profile up and I can't see "extended".

Haven't seen anyone who seems interesting, anyway. not sure whether to reply and probe, reply politely but shut down, ignore, whatever.... don't know what to do really

anothernew · 24/06/2017 08:38

Morning all! I'm back! Was here last summer with a different name. I met someone lovely last sept but it's just gone down the pan. Haven't activated my old profile yet and a bit torn between feelings of dread at all the shit that goes on in old Hmmand getting excited about meeting someone lovely Grin
Nice to see some old faces in here, and I admit I never actually really left and lurked the whole time so you all feel like old friends Wink

fortunacookie · 24/06/2017 10:20

Anothernew welcome back...yeah I was probably still on here last year Hmm think I be here here til end of time

I'm on pof n find it best one at mo, not paid member though n no intention.

Saying that...got talking to a really nice guy on tinder last night..had a long phone chat n we meeting on Sunday. I'm attracted to his pic n seems lovely but hey ho we'll see