The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Hope Mr Texan gets in touch. It's reasurring that he hasn't read it though, he's not ignoring you. I used to turn my phone off to ease my anxiety.

Faron that's great! Proof that such things can still happen!

Had a message today from an old iron. I never met him, but got as far as exchanging numbers (not my real number). I remember being really turned off by his use of text speak when messaging but other than that, can't really remember what happened.

I am looking forward to seeing Mr Meet Me on Saturday. We are still exchanging jokey messages (now making fun of the height difference) and having found him online and seen a more representative picture, I think there is every hope of a spark in real life. You never know until you meet, but...

Anyone else irritated by POF's top prospects? There's one guy high on the list who looks OK, but speaking to him is hard work. I cannot be bothered. I want a conversation to be easy.

Pringle the Top Prospects thing seemed completely useless to me. In general I don't like the design and functionality of POF.

Pavonia I'm not a massive fan of POF either, but I seem to get the most dates from it. Everyone on the paid sites is also on POF!

Pringle the first guy I was meant to meet from POF cancelled half an hour before the date! The second guy turned out to be very nice and I have deleted my profile! So I didn't get to test it out fully. We will have our 6th date tomorrow.

Ok, date sorted for tomorrow morning, coffee and a walk by the river, he has sent me a few more photos of himself (I find him soooooo atractive), he's been working away and is driving home early tomorrow and wants to meet me as soon as. I don't think I have ever been so nervous about a date, doesn't help that a male friend has just said to me 'why would a fit single guy with no baggage and a good job want to date you?'

So what do I wear for a coffee date (I don't even drink coffee which is another issue)? Do not wear a summer dress or am I ok in denim shorts and a nice top?

I hope I don't bottle out, what's the worst that can happen?

lovemusic perhaps that friend should become an ex-friend? I usually wear jeans and a top for a coffee date, but ones that I think I look good in. If you think you look good in shorts and the weather is hot then a good choice. Be yourself, why shouldn't he like you? He has obviously liked your profile and messages. Good luck!

Maybe I should wear trousers? I rarely wear trousers in the summer (my legs are reasonable), I might just wear a simple summer dress and sandals. I rarely wear make up but I guess I better put a bit on.

I just think he will be disappointed, I've never really dated anyone this good looking, fit or someone that has a reasonable job. I don't think he has children which makes me wonder if he will be u derstanding of my life style. Usually when I go on a date I end up talking about my children, which is fine with someone who also has children.

Ooooh best of luck love music! Wear whatever feels most you I reckon. I live in dresses myself so usually go for that and dress them up / down accordingly.

He obviously likes you enough to meet so keep telling yourself that and hopefully all will be fine :-)

Well my nine month friendship / relationship /FWB is over :( Feel so stupid for letting it get this far without a proper chat. We have both given mixed messages and guess that's not helped. 18 months after the end of my marriage I'm now heart broke over another guy. Can't put myself through this again I really can't x

Sorry to hear that flowergirl. Maybe make some plans with friends to help you get through?

LoveMusic when children are a huge part of your life it is natural to talk about them, but I do try to reign it in. When talking to a man who has kids the things he says about them can tell you a lot about him. I find that on a date with a man without kids they often talk about their relationships with nieces and nephews, but then I'm dating men in their 40s and 50s.

I genuinely think that dressing in a good version of what you would wear if you were meeting a friend for the same activity is a good way to go.

Flower I'm 18mths along from an 18 yr relationship (12yr marriage) and I will tell you what I want to hear when I feel like this. You don't know what is next, but without trying nothing happens next. Sometimes it could be good to have a dating break and have fun with family and friends, but if you ultimately want a relationship try again when you feel strong.

I've cut relationships off at 2 month stage if they aren't moving on in a healthy direction, but it takes being very practical, cold and calculated careful thought about the future to do that. I have moments that have hurt. Number 2 out of my 4 x 2month relationships really hurt and I wished things had been different, but life is a learning lesson. Some lessons are painful.

I achieved my 3 dates in 3 days. It has shown me that reality is not close to the dream 😂

One out of the three is normal.

Oh bugger, sorry to hear that flower girl. It can be really hard to have that chat can't it? Yes, occupy yourself whilst it still hurts. Shit though.

Have stood the panic down, Mr Texan has been in touch (no idea why no message, no explanation) but date so on for later. I'm beginning to think he's a shit with messaging, whilst he messages quite a lot it's rarely more than a few words. Odd as he's super vocal irl.

Fiery better that way around. It would be worse if he was all talk and no action? if you see what I mean .

Lovemusic remember you are the prize!

Thank you everyone, I will try not to come across as nervous, I don't think he is at all, seems confident. He's a bit older than me, not very often I see men in their 40's that don't have children. I don't know if we have that much in common, he seems quite active (so am I). I will have to try hard not to stare at him too much, I'm not used to dating fit guys.

Lovemusic good luck, be yourself and enjoy it. Fingers crossed it goes well.

I've recently got back on the OLD saddle and had a spontaneous date in the park after work last night with a guy I'll call Mr Skateboarder who i'd been messaging for a day. He looked very attractive so I was excited. I got there and he looked at least 5 years older than his pictures so was I was disappointed. He actually confessed halfway through he is 3 years older than his online age stated!! We got on well enough but he had a very dry sense of humour and overall I wasn't feeling it. He walked me to the tube and then said so would be great to go out again next week when are you free. I ended up saying im not sure I'll let you know and then he tried to plant one on me! Why do men do this!? Its so awkward to bring up a second date on the actual first date as totally puts you on the spot and you feel like you can't say no although you want to or is that just me!? Now I have to message him today saying sorry but I don't think we should meet up again! Cringe!

LM tastes vary too, he might think you're really fit

Sorry too, flowergirl a break sounds best, I'm kind of on one atm as was getting fed up of OLD and was feeling low in myself. I'm feeling a lot better now.

fortuna I would prefer a message saying no thanks then block rather than just being blocked, although that's pretty clear if you realise you've been blocked... it doesn't tell the other person, they can send repeated messages which will just never be delivered to you. WA, for example, just has that 1 tick. I have 2 mobiles and have checked.

Everyone else seems to have had good dates, so yay.

I'm chatting to Mr IT still on WA, no mention of meeting but our childfree weekends are at odds. Also talking to Mr Accountant, same issue of not having much free time and I'm knackered so not sure I want to spend it on a date!

Yep earth very cringe, I don't know why ppl lie about things like that then wait until a date to 'fess up.

Oh flower, I'm so sorry. I feel exactly the same way - so done with it all.

💐 To you.

I have decided that I definitely do not want to see Mr Scifi or Mr Sparks again. Sticking with Mr Cook for now. What do I do about Mr SciFi's tupperware?

I think he knew I wasn't sure hence his keeness to throw it my way at the end!
He was the one that I had originally messaged before creating an image that was not at all met so not sure I recommend that approach anymore.

lana could just arrange a meet to give it back? That's what's happened both times I messaged first. Also, why I'm going to avoid anyone with only 1 picture! Or ask for more before arranging a date. It's not that they were unattractive but not to my taste. The date with Mr Engineer was also full of awkward conversation pauses.

Can I please ask a quick question? I was chatting to a guy on whatsapp and on 10th June we had a long chat. He then disappeared and today he just sent me another message.

I replied straight away and pretended not to have noticed that 11 days have passed. But normally what would you do with this type of guys? He has divorced recently and sounds a bit depressed about the situation (she left him for another man).

I really like him, we work in the same field and we have lots in common, but this disappearing and then reappearing act worries me.

Any advice?

Thanks a lot.

Hi, just wanted to join you all. I am 40, been formally seperated 3 months but marriage died many years ago.
Been on pof and looking good with 1 guy and he would like to meet weekend after next. I keep talking myself out of it as I think my profile photo is a fluke of me looking good and the reality would seriously disappoint. I am overweight and just feel very ugly and very down on myself. My marriage was shit, no love and no affection and made me feel worthless But there is just sonething about this guy! Don't know whether to just try or save myself the stress.